06-10-2021, 04:37 AM
10th of June
Recently I had another revelation concerning fear and change. I think this relates to learning because learning leads to change. You learn a new skill and what do you do, you go out and use it. That puts you in a new situation with new people and new possibilities aka "change".
For as long as I can think back my productivity followed a pattern, almost a seasonality, in that right before completing a project/big task or after completing it I suddenly lost all motivation to keep going. Then I spent a day or sometimes even several days as a Zombie just consuming and recharging my energy. The revelation was that my subconscious might protect itself from the change that would occur when I finish the project/task. So by sucking away my energy to work it pushes the change back, at least a few days and at most completely because the chance might have passed when I am back in the game. Using this behavior, my subconscious can avoid facing most of its fear of change and continue to be the way it is.
As before, this might be TID from OFv3. But at the same time, I think this is very close to the main fears I have around learning and performance. Learning and performance are very close together for me because a result of learning is increased performance and continuous learning leads to peak performance. And peak performance might be what my subconscious fears. Maybe this relates back to a fear I discovered on MLS3, the fear of being different and that being different comes also with obligations. Like the Spiderman theme "great power comes with great responsibility". Shannon gave me some insight that a better skillset is no obligation, just a possibility. It is the freedom and choice of the person how to make use of this possibility.
One final anecdote about peak performance and flow. This happened about 6 years ago, at the time I played a multiplayer FPS game daily.
So in the game was this one moment that lasted about 4 seconds. My character was standing at a window, shotgun with slugs in hand, and looking down at several buildings on the other side of the road. Then one enemy appeared, I aimed - shot - hit, in one fluid motion. The next aim - shoot - hit, next aim - shoot - hit, next aim - shoot - hit. I was totally in the moment and at the same time, I wasn't. It was like my conscious mind was in Nirvana, a deep state of relaxation and joy. My subconscious took over and delivered peak performance. Professional level precision - a 100% hit rate on 4 sequential moving targets in different locations.
This moment felt awesome and I still remember it vividly. It was almost a religious experience, I felt fully present and completely myself. This is what I suppose God must feel like.
No other flow state after that came even close to this.
Thanks for bearing with me during these anecdotes. May the currents of the universe favor you.
MM
Recently I had another revelation concerning fear and change. I think this relates to learning because learning leads to change. You learn a new skill and what do you do, you go out and use it. That puts you in a new situation with new people and new possibilities aka "change".
For as long as I can think back my productivity followed a pattern, almost a seasonality, in that right before completing a project/big task or after completing it I suddenly lost all motivation to keep going. Then I spent a day or sometimes even several days as a Zombie just consuming and recharging my energy. The revelation was that my subconscious might protect itself from the change that would occur when I finish the project/task. So by sucking away my energy to work it pushes the change back, at least a few days and at most completely because the chance might have passed when I am back in the game. Using this behavior, my subconscious can avoid facing most of its fear of change and continue to be the way it is.
As before, this might be TID from OFv3. But at the same time, I think this is very close to the main fears I have around learning and performance. Learning and performance are very close together for me because a result of learning is increased performance and continuous learning leads to peak performance. And peak performance might be what my subconscious fears. Maybe this relates back to a fear I discovered on MLS3, the fear of being different and that being different comes also with obligations. Like the Spiderman theme "great power comes with great responsibility". Shannon gave me some insight that a better skillset is no obligation, just a possibility. It is the freedom and choice of the person how to make use of this possibility.
One final anecdote about peak performance and flow. This happened about 6 years ago, at the time I played a multiplayer FPS game daily.
So in the game was this one moment that lasted about 4 seconds. My character was standing at a window, shotgun with slugs in hand, and looking down at several buildings on the other side of the road. Then one enemy appeared, I aimed - shot - hit, in one fluid motion. The next aim - shoot - hit, next aim - shoot - hit, next aim - shoot - hit. I was totally in the moment and at the same time, I wasn't. It was like my conscious mind was in Nirvana, a deep state of relaxation and joy. My subconscious took over and delivered peak performance. Professional level precision - a 100% hit rate on 4 sequential moving targets in different locations.
This moment felt awesome and I still remember it vividly. It was almost a religious experience, I felt fully present and completely myself. This is what I suppose God must feel like.
No other flow state after that came even close to this.
Thanks for bearing with me during these anecdotes. May the currents of the universe favor you.
MM
