5th of June
Yesterday I was playing a game (multiplayer FPS) I love and consider myself decent at. I was listening to a dune audiobook at the same time and the litany against fear was read. "... Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. ..." And that got me thinking about my own fear because since I started with MLS3 in December 2020 and then directly switched to MLS4 I have been becoming more conscious of my fears. For example, when encountering a "difficult" task/problem I usually did not examine it closely, but just gave it a glance and saw a long formula or many steps to complete. That was all it took to label it "difficult" and once it was labeled that way there was a certain resistance to complete/solve it. But after examining it closer, I often discovered that the "long-ass formula" described a rather simple concept. Or that the many steps to complete, are rather repetitive and unchallenging. So what was it that made me label this "difficult"? To the best of my knowledge, this comes down to fear.
So I started a little experiment in this game and my fear of performance. To soothe my fear I said a mantra every time I died or got a kill: "I am, my bullet hits". During the following round, I landed a shot that I thought was nigh impossible and it was totally automatic, no conscious thought in it. Additionally, I was calmer when things didn't go my way, usually I become irritated/angry then because "it is not right".
So because that glorious shot was totally unconscious and it all relates to fear, I think this anecdote belongs here.
Yesterday I was playing a game (multiplayer FPS) I love and consider myself decent at. I was listening to a dune audiobook at the same time and the litany against fear was read. "... Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. ..." And that got me thinking about my own fear because since I started with MLS3 in December 2020 and then directly switched to MLS4 I have been becoming more conscious of my fears. For example, when encountering a "difficult" task/problem I usually did not examine it closely, but just gave it a glance and saw a long formula or many steps to complete. That was all it took to label it "difficult" and once it was labeled that way there was a certain resistance to complete/solve it. But after examining it closer, I often discovered that the "long-ass formula" described a rather simple concept. Or that the many steps to complete, are rather repetitive and unchallenging. So what was it that made me label this "difficult"? To the best of my knowledge, this comes down to fear.
So I started a little experiment in this game and my fear of performance. To soothe my fear I said a mantra every time I died or got a kill: "I am, my bullet hits". During the following round, I landed a shot that I thought was nigh impossible and it was totally automatic, no conscious thought in it. Additionally, I was calmer when things didn't go my way, usually I become irritated/angry then because "it is not right".
So because that glorious shot was totally unconscious and it all relates to fear, I think this anecdote belongs here.
