*Jake's Overcoming Fear 5.75.1G Journal*

[tolgaocal80]

Monday 19 October - Day 6 of Cycle 3

Good Morning.

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

After she said that I realised her intentions must be I presumed to just end it all with me. So I replied with dont you believe you owe me this on a phonecall? So I can understand why? I am asking for an explanation and then ill leave you alone.

So we then went back and forth with when she could call me. She said she would call me within an hour max but surprisingly it was within 25mins that she called me.

I felt so for 3 days you couldnt reach out to me to speak to me but now you have the time?

anyway we talked for 2hours lastnight as usual when she and I talk its never a quick chat, and to me that shows there is a connection but she wasnt having it. She said that it wasnt her ex and that shes not decided yet if she will even go back to him (the fact that shes thinking about it even was enough for me) and earlier on she said we could be friends but I was na that wont work for me. Its clear we get on but she was using so much logic to break down why we just couldnt work, such as distance, family reasons, the speed at which we fell because in her mind it shouldnt be quick it should take weeks if not months and etc that what her heart wanted she was ignoring.

2 friends told me not to even talk to her but 1 friend said let her hear your voice and maybe that will help. Well the voice helped in that she then said she was confused as to what to do because letting go wasnt easy now having heard my voice but the call was a mix of laughter and silence and its just odd since we do get on.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that she said she had to go as needed to sleep to get up early which was same for me but I was sacrificing both my sleep and the OF sub to just be able to speak to her and resolve this.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that it felt like that was that and that I had lost her forever

To say im feeling a mix of emotions is an understatement.

I had to wake up in 3-4hrs which is why im awake no so early and sadly was unable to listen to this days OF. It wasnt me self sabotaging it was simply not possible to fit into the 3-4hrs sleep I had.

I feel shit!

I am not an experinced lover but I can say,

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

you should not say that, dont get me wrong but what I undertand from all your writings is, she just trying to fun and have sex but you are trying too hard and trying to start a relationship, she doesn't want that kind of relationship (ımo).
All this late replies she had, is showing that she are going to get rid of you. I saw this kind of things from a few girls back then, I just tried to make things up and you know kind like a relationship, but just time waste after that point.

"
I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.
"
I think your own happiness and well-being matters more than hers , I believe she would want that too,