Ltu 6

[fab10]

So on my third cycle havent felt like posting anything at all until right now at 3 in the morning. As for things happening I have been taking care of my money alot better than I did on ums, i have noticed i am able to actually speak to girls now, at least girls at work before I was only saying one word answers, now I can actually talk to them before there was a tremendous amount of fear in doing that, that is gone.

I have also started planning for future as well, looking into buying land and seeing how much to build a house all the planning that goes with it.

Have also noticed me cleaning more, like today I just grabbed a rake was cleaning my backyard, didn't even realize what I was doing until it was halfway done, and with cleaning I have alot of procrastination to doing it, also the fact that I still live with my parents and whenever I start to clean my mom makes a snide comment that completely turns me off from doing it, and just today was thinking about that and she has done that throughout my life, these little snide comments and it has shaped my perception and will of doing things for example i was going to school and do engineering.

 I told her that and in her exact words "you're not going to be able to do that, you aren't good enough" she has been saying things like that since I was young, didn't realize how much it affected my life until now on how i dont apply myself to anything i dont risk anything because somewhere in my subconscious that is going through my mind, even though my concious mind really wants to do it and is excited by doing it, but then that will creep in and I will stop doing it, and regress back, I believe this is also the reason why I watch porn, not for gratification but because it's a way to not deal with anything, to keep me complacent and never challenge myself and it's all one big vicious circle, so then how do you break the circle?

Wow, these are great results, both short term improvement and targeting of deep issues. Congratulations.