03-20-2020, 03:01 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-21-2020, 10:19 AM by Chris P. Bacon.)
Long post ahead. The beginning is about some events this week and MHS and the latter part will be about an idea that has been churning around in me for a while and now I feel confident to put it into words.
MHS has been on a little slowdown but such was normal for subs for me. I hit the ground running and then hit a bit of a wall or the sub gets bogged down with resistance. So MHS was no different than other subs for me, and that actually created an irritation in me. It's the continuation of a thread of non obsessive self introspection that is instigated by the overwhelming sense of curiosity in me that leads me to ask "Why?". A progressive unfolding has been happening over about 2 years of running subs that has caused me to see a little bit more execution. Not much but more is always better. I get little pieces here and there that give me a little better understanding and a little step forward. It has also lead me to subtle thought process shifts that have changed the way I approach life. Nothing major but still change nontheless. Anyways, back to this week.
On Monday I hit my head very hard at work and knew I had to go to my chiropractor to get my neck sorted out. Well she's on vacation this week and I didn't know till today that another chiro is taking her clients when she's gone. So I just decided to try and bear with it until she returned. Last night I couldn't find a position to sleep in that didn't hurt so that pretty much sucked. That set up my Friday to not be a very good one. Then at work I was moving something and for the first time in my life I pulled my back. The pain started at the top and moved to resting above my pelvis. I assume that because my neck was out of alignment that it's now throwing everything off a little and that's how that happened. It hurt, it hurt a lot. So now my neck and my lower back are kind of funky and I'm in pain for most of the day at work.
I got frustrated, and whiny as well to be honest. After I took some pain killers and resumed work I had a thought. The thought of what defines what it means to be a man popped up in my mind again and I finally was able to put it into words so here goes.
Self-sufficiency seems to be the hallmark or emphasis on what it means to be a man. At least to me anyway. Also, the ability to bring chaos into order. Then it hit me that both of those traits come from the same underlying principle that is a driver for a lot of me..............the need to and emphasis on creating. Self-sufficiency, bringing order to chaos all come from the need and desire to create. Making order from chaos, to me, seems to be the most rudimentary expression of something larger, creating from uncreation. Making something where there was nothing previous. Self-sufficiency seems to be the manifestation of the unconscious or conscious acknowledgment of the primal yearning that every man has a purpose and a path to create that most likely will bring him into uncharted territory at some point in his life. This pressing need to create seems to reach it's peak in puberty when a boy questions what it means to be a man. Cultures all around the world and in different points in history have had initiations into manhood that when boiled down to its essence, represents the ability and capability to "make something of yourself". We use the phrase "self-made man" to describe a man that has hewn out a life for himself and is generally succeeding in certain aspects of life. Women look to men to provide or to "have a life" as a point of attraction as well as having confidence. How can you have confidence if you don't percieve yourself as having the tools to not only survive in this life but thrive? If subs have taught me anything it's that like William Ernest Henly said " I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."
All of this leads me to believe that Masculinity's greatest and most obviously unobvious trait is the ability and disposition to create.
This is both obvious and startling to me.
Sidenote: I know what my first tattoo will be. The poem Invictus by William Ernest Henly
MHS has been on a little slowdown but such was normal for subs for me. I hit the ground running and then hit a bit of a wall or the sub gets bogged down with resistance. So MHS was no different than other subs for me, and that actually created an irritation in me. It's the continuation of a thread of non obsessive self introspection that is instigated by the overwhelming sense of curiosity in me that leads me to ask "Why?". A progressive unfolding has been happening over about 2 years of running subs that has caused me to see a little bit more execution. Not much but more is always better. I get little pieces here and there that give me a little better understanding and a little step forward. It has also lead me to subtle thought process shifts that have changed the way I approach life. Nothing major but still change nontheless. Anyways, back to this week.
On Monday I hit my head very hard at work and knew I had to go to my chiropractor to get my neck sorted out. Well she's on vacation this week and I didn't know till today that another chiro is taking her clients when she's gone. So I just decided to try and bear with it until she returned. Last night I couldn't find a position to sleep in that didn't hurt so that pretty much sucked. That set up my Friday to not be a very good one. Then at work I was moving something and for the first time in my life I pulled my back. The pain started at the top and moved to resting above my pelvis. I assume that because my neck was out of alignment that it's now throwing everything off a little and that's how that happened. It hurt, it hurt a lot. So now my neck and my lower back are kind of funky and I'm in pain for most of the day at work.
I got frustrated, and whiny as well to be honest. After I took some pain killers and resumed work I had a thought. The thought of what defines what it means to be a man popped up in my mind again and I finally was able to put it into words so here goes.
Self-sufficiency seems to be the hallmark or emphasis on what it means to be a man. At least to me anyway. Also, the ability to bring chaos into order. Then it hit me that both of those traits come from the same underlying principle that is a driver for a lot of me..............the need to and emphasis on creating. Self-sufficiency, bringing order to chaos all come from the need and desire to create. Making order from chaos, to me, seems to be the most rudimentary expression of something larger, creating from uncreation. Making something where there was nothing previous. Self-sufficiency seems to be the manifestation of the unconscious or conscious acknowledgment of the primal yearning that every man has a purpose and a path to create that most likely will bring him into uncharted territory at some point in his life. This pressing need to create seems to reach it's peak in puberty when a boy questions what it means to be a man. Cultures all around the world and in different points in history have had initiations into manhood that when boiled down to its essence, represents the ability and capability to "make something of yourself". We use the phrase "self-made man" to describe a man that has hewn out a life for himself and is generally succeeding in certain aspects of life. Women look to men to provide or to "have a life" as a point of attraction as well as having confidence. How can you have confidence if you don't percieve yourself as having the tools to not only survive in this life but thrive? If subs have taught me anything it's that like William Ernest Henly said " I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."
All of this leads me to believe that Masculinity's greatest and most obviously unobvious trait is the ability and disposition to create.
This is both obvious and startling to me.
Sidenote: I know what my first tattoo will be. The poem Invictus by William Ernest Henly
