Is it all just placebo effect?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

You're right Shannon. I DID notice the changes it made in others and bought E3 for that reason. That, and because everyone kept telling me to get E3 when they read my E2 journal. What REALLY convinced me was LTU5. I noticed so many changes of people using LTU5, and the closest thing I can afford is E3. On one hand, I want to be like Darth Xedonias, getting my sense of validation from myself and not needing my ex-friend's approval. On the other hand, I want to find a way to get my friend back. Like I still haven't given up on changing her perception of me, despite just how OVER the friendship is. On one hand, I know I need to move on, and on the other, I refuse to let go because I refuse to "give up" on this. I want to get my friend back and change her perception of me, but I wouldn't be able to do that without first letting go and not needing her approval, so it's a catch-22 what I seem to want. And besides, nothing short of the "becoming" method will give me even a snowball's chance in hell at getting my friend back, and I suck at creative visualization, much less the "becoming" method. All in all, I've got some major contradictory issues. I know what I need to do, but then what I WANT to do is a different thing, yet requires me to do what I need to to in order to do it in the first place, so I might as well just do what I need to do and let go. But no matter how much I know I need to just let go, the memories still fuck with me and so does the sense of loss, regret and low self worth.

That's why I'm hoping E3 and later, LTU5 will help me out. So I can get to where Darth Xedonias is at, instead of where I'm currently at.