04-04-2019, 01:22 PM
I seem to be speaking my mind more and not caring as much by the consequences of my actions. After though I realise what I said and wonder why I make an effort to be right and someone else wrong, it's not anger, not necessarily taking it out on other people, but maybe expressing my inner frustrations at my self, outward.
I am very impatient. Just the thought that everything in life take a long time, it really brings me down. Literally any goal worth having takes years of effort, consistent action and hard work. I don't know why now but this truth sucks ass. I don't like knowing that this is the way things have to be. I don't know if it is because I have watched far too many movies in my lifetime as lots of things can happen in a short space of time in a movie.
It's like I know what it is gonna take now for me get to where I want to go and because it will take years of consistent effort, I am scared I won't be able to take consistent actions to be able to achieve and get where I want to go because I get bored easy. It sucks.
I can really see why my goals are a big challenge because I have never achieved them before and I have failed multiple times and for me to achieve them I have to become somebody else to even create the habits to begin with that will allow me to achieve and become the person I want to be.
I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that feels like it is slowing down because everything is not going fast enough for me. More hardwork feels like Sprinting on the spot instead of moving faster to the other location.
It's like I get pumped up, super motivated and take lots of actions, then start to feel bored and lose the reason why I wanted it to begin with.
I am conciously thinking about my end goal right now and what I gotta do to get there and what comes up is doubts and fear. It feels like there is a wall... Maybe even a part of me that don't want me to change... If I start achieving in this direction... I will see what I am capable of.... I'll be free.... I feel like I'll have to fight against the people around me to get there... As I feel they have influence over me..... It is all just emotions though, that makes me feel this.... I am scared of what I am capable of... I will have to leave my parents... I'll have to leave my childhood behind... I'll have to leave my identity behind... A part of me don't want to... Because I miss my childhood... My parents are older... I am the youngest.... I have known my parents the least of all my siblings.... I don't want to regret not spending all the time I have with them when I can.... Once they are gone... They are gone... And I won't be able to change that... My parents hold be back... Because I fear of losing them.... If I leave ill regret it and would have to live with that for the rest of my life...
There is more behind it all but I can't access it, there is a wall.
I am very impatient. Just the thought that everything in life take a long time, it really brings me down. Literally any goal worth having takes years of effort, consistent action and hard work. I don't know why now but this truth sucks ass. I don't like knowing that this is the way things have to be. I don't know if it is because I have watched far too many movies in my lifetime as lots of things can happen in a short space of time in a movie.
It's like I know what it is gonna take now for me get to where I want to go and because it will take years of consistent effort, I am scared I won't be able to take consistent actions to be able to achieve and get where I want to go because I get bored easy. It sucks.
I can really see why my goals are a big challenge because I have never achieved them before and I have failed multiple times and for me to achieve them I have to become somebody else to even create the habits to begin with that will allow me to achieve and become the person I want to be.
I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that feels like it is slowing down because everything is not going fast enough for me. More hardwork feels like Sprinting on the spot instead of moving faster to the other location.
It's like I get pumped up, super motivated and take lots of actions, then start to feel bored and lose the reason why I wanted it to begin with.
I am conciously thinking about my end goal right now and what I gotta do to get there and what comes up is doubts and fear. It feels like there is a wall... Maybe even a part of me that don't want me to change... If I start achieving in this direction... I will see what I am capable of.... I'll be free.... I feel like I'll have to fight against the people around me to get there... As I feel they have influence over me..... It is all just emotions though, that makes me feel this.... I am scared of what I am capable of... I will have to leave my parents... I'll have to leave my childhood behind... I'll have to leave my identity behind... A part of me don't want to... Because I miss my childhood... My parents are older... I am the youngest.... I have known my parents the least of all my siblings.... I don't want to regret not spending all the time I have with them when I can.... Once they are gone... They are gone... And I won't be able to change that... My parents hold be back... Because I fear of losing them.... If I leave ill regret it and would have to live with that for the rest of my life...
There is more behind it all but I can't access it, there is a wall.
