03-29-2019, 07:21 AM
Another thing I want to be honest with myself about is that I don't like the way I look in a lot of photos. I don't know what it is but when I was in my early 20's I use to be more "photogenic" and these days taking selfies of myself or just having photos taken of me, it is like I am not as attractive as I was in my early 20's. I'll be 31 in a couple of months and I would like to get back to being "photogenic".
Good job in real life when I go out I do find attractive girls/women giving me indicators of interest and I do generally feel attractive... As long as I don't look at photos of myself I am alright.
So I don't really know what is going on but I am glad In general I feel attractive and do get looks and indicates of interests from girls and women when I go out, even if it is just at the supermarket.
But when I look at photos of myself, I think, If I don't think I look attractive then no girl would either, but my reality in real life says otherwise in regards to me being attractive.
Updated: I took more selfies of myself trying to find different angles and positions laying on the grass and got a couple I liked.
I don't speak to my mum much as we have different beliefs and we easily get into conflict, but for some reason I showed her some of my selfies (I don't know why) and she started critising them and then telling me how I should do it. (I don't take advice from someone that doesn't have any proof that they are good at it, otherwise it is the blind leading the blind).
My mother basically told me to stop taking it personally, (she is good at getting out of what she says).
This then made me wonder about if she has always been like this through out my childhood? And how did that effect me?
Then It made me feel that I deffiently gotta go do a degree next year as it will allow me to move out and either be around people that are more uplifting, make me feel more impowered, positive influence or just be by myself living my own life moving towards the life that I want and not have people put me down.
Yes, I am being triggered more than normal it seems like. I feel quite weird, like I have a strong desire to be more attractive but I can't be, as I am who I am and have been me all my life.
This is why it feels important for me to go the degree route as the extreme change would give me breathing room to change into someone more of my liking, as living with my parents it feels like they reinforce who I have been, instead of who I want to become.
Good job in real life when I go out I do find attractive girls/women giving me indicators of interest and I do generally feel attractive... As long as I don't look at photos of myself I am alright.
So I don't really know what is going on but I am glad In general I feel attractive and do get looks and indicates of interests from girls and women when I go out, even if it is just at the supermarket.
But when I look at photos of myself, I think, If I don't think I look attractive then no girl would either, but my reality in real life says otherwise in regards to me being attractive.
Updated: I took more selfies of myself trying to find different angles and positions laying on the grass and got a couple I liked.
I don't speak to my mum much as we have different beliefs and we easily get into conflict, but for some reason I showed her some of my selfies (I don't know why) and she started critising them and then telling me how I should do it. (I don't take advice from someone that doesn't have any proof that they are good at it, otherwise it is the blind leading the blind).
My mother basically told me to stop taking it personally, (she is good at getting out of what she says).
This then made me wonder about if she has always been like this through out my childhood? And how did that effect me?
Then It made me feel that I deffiently gotta go do a degree next year as it will allow me to move out and either be around people that are more uplifting, make me feel more impowered, positive influence or just be by myself living my own life moving towards the life that I want and not have people put me down.
Yes, I am being triggered more than normal it seems like. I feel quite weird, like I have a strong desire to be more attractive but I can't be, as I am who I am and have been me all my life.
This is why it feels important for me to go the degree route as the extreme change would give me breathing room to change into someone more of my liking, as living with my parents it feels like they reinforce who I have been, instead of who I want to become.
