03-12-2019, 08:51 AM
3 weeks after I have stopped listening now. A post from my journal:
(03-12-2019, 03:14 AM)Greenduck Wrote: It really feels like E2 has bloomed during these weeks that I have taken a break. There is a new paradigm of how I'm looking at life slowly growing, a more healthy and cooperative way of interacting with others and myself. More hope, and I can feel more of the future rather than being stuck with problems in my surroundings. I'm starting to be able to have a sense of what I want with my life, even if I have a bit of a hard time to formulate it, but I'm confident that it will unfold naturally as I heal. I'm less invested in what other people are doing, and more focused on my internal state of happiness but I at the same time feel more connected to others (you have to understand yourself to understand others-type of thing). However I still feel affected by my mothers temperament and her misdirected anger towards me still bugs me down and affect my mood. I hope that E3 will take care of this with it's healing and the auric shield. The problem with her is that she feels so damn sorry for herself, but I watch myself to get dragged into that. It's like a dark hole and if you just give her a finger she will take whatever she will get to make herself feel better and not have to deal with her own shit. Lesson learned, even if it has been a really hard one. But the fear that made me engage into it is slowly disappearing and I can set my own boundaries of what I want and don't want to engage in.
I went to work and chatted with my colleagues yesterday (I haven't really been working the last year, but recovering from my burn-out), they felt very understanding and compassionate and I felt supported, that was a great feeling. I feel that this workplace is really right for me, it's in a field that I am interested in and I know there is much to learn from my boss and co-workers with many opportunities to grow. I am actually looking forward to getting back to work.
I feel more connected to music, like I understand it on a deeper level.
