10-07-2018, 10:15 AM
Out of that same "not seeking permission to heal and regenerate myself", I did not text my mom any time this weekend, nor did I visit her today. I'd normally go out of a feeling of guilt, even shame. I'm just not ok with her running my life, which has been in my thinking. It was an old victim mindset I carried. I'd planned, as of yesterday, to go, grudgingly, unwillingly, and full of resistance.
But this morning's awareness has remained. If I went to my mom's, I'd believe I had to undo the thinking and feeling that surfaced this morning. I'm not wanting to give this up.
I just don't want to gaf. Because guilt is trying to have its way. It's old thinking, and that's why I'm running subs--to change me. My mom's not evil. She is just very unloving towards herself. I "know" I'm not responsible for her emotional welfare, but my feelings still speak up. I'll mind my OWN business today.
But this morning's awareness has remained. If I went to my mom's, I'd believe I had to undo the thinking and feeling that surfaced this morning. I'm not wanting to give this up.
I just don't want to gaf. Because guilt is trying to have its way. It's old thinking, and that's why I'm running subs--to change me. My mom's not evil. She is just very unloving towards herself. I "know" I'm not responsible for her emotional welfare, but my feelings still speak up. I'll mind my OWN business today.
I want to be FREE!
