09-28-2018, 03:06 PM
I've been very sensitive to E2 making me tired and my mind trying to close down when I've ran it when out this week. I was pulled in for a training Tuesday right before clocking out from work, and I had E2 running in my pocket. About 30 minutes into the training, I almost dozed right in my chair. I didn't think much of it since it was the end of the day.
But the next day I tried running it again while at work, and I felt lethargic. I've thought it a mix of sleep (but I'm getting 7-10 hours), inconsistent eating habits like missing dinner a few times each week, or E2 possibly working on something deeper in me.
All 3 may be playing a part, but I am noticing it. When I wasn't caffeinated and moving, I'd literally be at a loss for words. Like my mind is doing some rewiring, I go to look for old "norms" and habits, and I felt wordless and just feeling my feelings when I've usually got something ready to respond with.
It feels (kind of) like UD, and I've been thinking of UD lately. UD did its wonders when I'd normally seek to put on my social face, but it would check me when I was openly lying to myself and others. I felt the panicky reminders to "look good" today, although I was tired. But today, I was in a mindset to space myself from interaction rather than encourage it. I began 2 different conversations today which took off nicely with others around, and a minute or 2 in, I'd vacate quietly from their presence. I felt a quiet need to rest and heal my mind without so much dialogue today.
Even now, after writing, I'm seeking some face, some good looking "really not me" face. Lying sucks. It takes too much damn energy to constantly be seeking and maintaining lies. This is the old me surfacing, E2 is running, so it's being worked on.
But the next day I tried running it again while at work, and I felt lethargic. I've thought it a mix of sleep (but I'm getting 7-10 hours), inconsistent eating habits like missing dinner a few times each week, or E2 possibly working on something deeper in me.
All 3 may be playing a part, but I am noticing it. When I wasn't caffeinated and moving, I'd literally be at a loss for words. Like my mind is doing some rewiring, I go to look for old "norms" and habits, and I felt wordless and just feeling my feelings when I've usually got something ready to respond with.
It feels (kind of) like UD, and I've been thinking of UD lately. UD did its wonders when I'd normally seek to put on my social face, but it would check me when I was openly lying to myself and others. I felt the panicky reminders to "look good" today, although I was tired. But today, I was in a mindset to space myself from interaction rather than encourage it. I began 2 different conversations today which took off nicely with others around, and a minute or 2 in, I'd vacate quietly from their presence. I felt a quiet need to rest and heal my mind without so much dialogue today.
Even now, after writing, I'm seeking some face, some good looking "really not me" face. Lying sucks. It takes too much damn energy to constantly be seeking and maintaining lies. This is the old me surfacing, E2 is running, so it's being worked on.
I want to be FREE!
