08-22-2018, 01:13 PM
Update - 2 months
I still haven't broken my dry spell aka had sex so I don't know yet whether the program is having its intended effect. I get 90% of my exposure from US while I'm sleeping, combined with the odd trickling stream during waking hours. I average 7h of sleep per night and the method of exposure hasn't changed since the days of AM3:
Logitech Z623 2.1 Speaker System. L and R speaker, positioned on the L and R sides of the bed, respectively. Each speaker is on a stand, with height adjusted so that the L and R speakers point directly (i.e. in a straight line) at my L and R ears, respectively. For reference, the set up is done with me lying in the middle of the bed on my back. I periodically use FrequenSee to check that the volume at each speaker is hovering around -27 dB.
And even with all these measures, as well as my experience/results with six-stage subs, I still have reservations about US because I can't consciously hear it. It leaves doubt in my mind. But I don't sleep well with OS or TS running.
I just wanted to put that out there.
What I'm going to say next has nothing to do with my thoughts about US. I'm thinking about switching to ASC. Self confidence is something I've cultivated over the past decade — much of which had to do with transforming my body. If you've read any of my old journals, you know that I discuss self-confidence (or lack thereof) time and again. I've come a long way [that's an understatement] and I continue to recognize—especially now that I'm near the peak of my attractiveness—that I should have way more self-confidence. It's a root-level issue. I imagine @Shannon has thought deeply about root-level issues vs satellite issues during sub development, and I have been thinking more about this lately.
PE is a complex issue in itself. Instead of writing another paragraph or two trying to explain my understanding of my own PE, it is my opinion that a high level of self-confidence will have a positive impact on my PE, both psychologically and physically i.e. more frequent results with women equals consistent exposure to stimulation.
The two most important facets of self-development to me at this point in my life are confidence and sexuality. I want high-level and sustainable* self-confidence. I also feel that I need to do a lot of fucking in order to correct the imbalance in my life from being begrudgingly celibate (which was intimately but not exclusively tied to confidence issues). It's more than that though. I need to develop a sexual identity / define myself as a sexual creature. I look forward to the shifts in mind and mood that come with this.
But what bout guilt, shame and fear? Root-level issues aren't mutually exclusive. In my case I would swap out guilt for doubt. Certainly DSF are tied to confidence and sexuality. I'm more inclined to double down on confidence than focus strictly on healing/repairing.
Ok, I've talked a lot. So that's where I'm at.
Close to the 3 month mark with OPE aka the point where one should start to see results with a single stage program (mind you I've averaged less than the recommended 8h a day, but planned to offset this by running the program for much longer), yet I'm contemplating this change.
I still haven't broken my dry spell aka had sex so I don't know yet whether the program is having its intended effect. I get 90% of my exposure from US while I'm sleeping, combined with the odd trickling stream during waking hours. I average 7h of sleep per night and the method of exposure hasn't changed since the days of AM3:
Logitech Z623 2.1 Speaker System. L and R speaker, positioned on the L and R sides of the bed, respectively. Each speaker is on a stand, with height adjusted so that the L and R speakers point directly (i.e. in a straight line) at my L and R ears, respectively. For reference, the set up is done with me lying in the middle of the bed on my back. I periodically use FrequenSee to check that the volume at each speaker is hovering around -27 dB.
And even with all these measures, as well as my experience/results with six-stage subs, I still have reservations about US because I can't consciously hear it. It leaves doubt in my mind. But I don't sleep well with OS or TS running.
I just wanted to put that out there.
What I'm going to say next has nothing to do with my thoughts about US. I'm thinking about switching to ASC. Self confidence is something I've cultivated over the past decade — much of which had to do with transforming my body. If you've read any of my old journals, you know that I discuss self-confidence (or lack thereof) time and again. I've come a long way [that's an understatement] and I continue to recognize—especially now that I'm near the peak of my attractiveness—that I should have way more self-confidence. It's a root-level issue. I imagine @Shannon has thought deeply about root-level issues vs satellite issues during sub development, and I have been thinking more about this lately.
PE is a complex issue in itself. Instead of writing another paragraph or two trying to explain my understanding of my own PE, it is my opinion that a high level of self-confidence will have a positive impact on my PE, both psychologically and physically i.e. more frequent results with women equals consistent exposure to stimulation.
The two most important facets of self-development to me at this point in my life are confidence and sexuality. I want high-level and sustainable* self-confidence. I also feel that I need to do a lot of fucking in order to correct the imbalance in my life from being begrudgingly celibate (which was intimately but not exclusively tied to confidence issues). It's more than that though. I need to develop a sexual identity / define myself as a sexual creature. I look forward to the shifts in mind and mood that come with this.
But what bout guilt, shame and fear? Root-level issues aren't mutually exclusive. In my case I would swap out guilt for doubt. Certainly DSF are tied to confidence and sexuality. I'm more inclined to double down on confidence than focus strictly on healing/repairing.
Ok, I've talked a lot. So that's where I'm at.
Close to the 3 month mark with OPE aka the point where one should start to see results with a single stage program (mind you I've averaged less than the recommended 8h a day, but planned to offset this by running the program for much longer), yet I'm contemplating this change.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
