06-21-2010, 02:55 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-21-2010, 02:57 PM by WildFlower.)
I definitely didn't cuddle. When she said she didn't want to ruin anything between us, I distanced myself as far from on her on the bed as I could (why would friends want to sleep so close anyway?) and waited till she fell asleep and took of. I'm really not affecting by her actions at all. I'm not offended by her, she doesn't interest me. Drama bores me - if someone wants to manipulate me they have to first not bore me. Not that I can be easily manipulated in my social world anyway now. In many ways I feel to un-manipulable. Imagine a perfect, glossy surface. Nothing can stick or grab hold of a smooth, frictionless surface, where as a rough surface with sharp edges and spikes can - to various degrees of ease, depending on the roughness and cracks - be held on to. I think I need to give people a little more to hold onto. At the moment though I'm concentrating on myself till the end of stage 6, and only when I get on women magnet will I be concerned with being able to offer myself to people and give them more chance to hang onto me a little.
I'm on day 3 of stage 6 now and the alpha effects are absolutely in full swing. My sense of self in not dependant on my well being - for the past two weeks I've felt absolutely untouchable apart from a few days in the middle of it where a family issue outside of my control (Gran not so well) brought me down. Events which effect my mood, in the old days could entice me into negative thinking and my confidence would take a dip for a bit. Not any more though, as my confidence remains independent of moods or external situations. So whilst moods can come, fluctuate for a bit and then go, my overall state of confidence is uneffected, not dependant or concerned with any external event. I'm healthy.
I've been enjoying the Gamma track at the moment, listening to it on my dinner break whilst I'm at work. It allows me to do eyes closed mindfulness without loosing the ability for lucid watching of my thoughts, as oppose to becoming lost in them and a bit sleepy. I suppose it's because with several minutes with your eyes closed your brain naturally adjusts to Alpha brain waves making you a bit sleepy and unaware. The gamma allows me to stay incredibly focused whilst deeply meditating.
Last night I tried the delta track and at some point between 30 and 40 minutes in I totally fell asleep. I can't even remember at what point I fell asleep, all I know is one minute I was awake and the next thing I'm awake again. God knows what happened in-between. Before falling asleep I had the incredible power to pull old thoughts and memories up and observe them. I had read delta allows access to the subconscious mind but I didn't take those statements to seriously. I was wrong though, I definitely was more in touch with the core of my operating system.
I listened to the Alpha, earth frequency track today with not much to report other than a complete inability to focus on reading or typing. It was pleasant though.
I'm on day 3 of stage 6 now and the alpha effects are absolutely in full swing. My sense of self in not dependant on my well being - for the past two weeks I've felt absolutely untouchable apart from a few days in the middle of it where a family issue outside of my control (Gran not so well) brought me down. Events which effect my mood, in the old days could entice me into negative thinking and my confidence would take a dip for a bit. Not any more though, as my confidence remains independent of moods or external situations. So whilst moods can come, fluctuate for a bit and then go, my overall state of confidence is uneffected, not dependant or concerned with any external event. I'm healthy.
I've been enjoying the Gamma track at the moment, listening to it on my dinner break whilst I'm at work. It allows me to do eyes closed mindfulness without loosing the ability for lucid watching of my thoughts, as oppose to becoming lost in them and a bit sleepy. I suppose it's because with several minutes with your eyes closed your brain naturally adjusts to Alpha brain waves making you a bit sleepy and unaware. The gamma allows me to stay incredibly focused whilst deeply meditating.
Last night I tried the delta track and at some point between 30 and 40 minutes in I totally fell asleep. I can't even remember at what point I fell asleep, all I know is one minute I was awake and the next thing I'm awake again. God knows what happened in-between. Before falling asleep I had the incredible power to pull old thoughts and memories up and observe them. I had read delta allows access to the subconscious mind but I didn't take those statements to seriously. I was wrong though, I definitely was more in touch with the core of my operating system.
I listened to the Alpha, earth frequency track today with not much to report other than a complete inability to focus on reading or typing. It was pleasant though.
“To be normal is the ideal aim of the unsuccessful.” - Carl Jung
