I'm stumped, thank you guys. I agree that it's comforting to know that people are experiencing the same and to read that people who have used it before us, experienced the same thing, got through it then at the end say: it was all worth it.
Always have a way with words Shannon, thanks!
Some update:
I'm surprised by the lack of action I'm currently experiencing. I wanted to become a graphics design freelancer so I could go places no problem. I am currently in the training of becoming a graphics designer for a starter company. If this company picks up and I'm part of it, assuming I can get my unmotivated state into action, I will succeed an essential part of my overall goal. I want to make a living while I'm traveling.
I think that this sub has been manifesting much of what I want to get too. It just bums me out and also funny at times when I think about that the road to get what I want is right there in front of me. I'm already walking that path but I couldn't give my 100%, I think I really have a lack of motivation. For the past weeks I've been all over thinking what I wanted to become, how to get there and what to do when I get there but no action. Seems like all the action is in my head LOL.
On the lighter side, I'm really appreciating the feeling of not taking anything personal. I also respect myself a lot more. I was in the same complex where the girl I was infatuated with in the beginning of this sub to visit my buddy, I tried to flirt with her and she said "go away". I did and didn't give much thought of it. A few hours later she stops by and asked me to drop her off somewhere. I said "No". I felt a little bit awkward with her around afterwards because I used to do what she wants every time.
Later that day I went to the bookstore with my little sister, I wanted to see that girl I liked and also work on a logo mock up I'm experimenting but unfortunately she wasn't around. It didn't seem to bother me though, and I feel relieved that she was not there. Because I know that inside me, I felt the need to see her and wanted to have a small conversation with her but it doesn't feel natural, I feel uneasy that I'm expecting something or someone. Now that I think about it, it kind of falls into the stalker category, I have to let go and stop this. This sub also made me aware of things like this, while I just wanted to talk to her and don't mean anything to harm, it does kind of look creepy if you become needy. Before we left, I bought my sister a book and she noticed that I sound disappointed when I was talking to the cashier. She thinks because she made me buy a book. I realized that I was subconsciously looking forward to see the girl, I wasn't thinking of anything about being disappointed because she wasn't there, but it was my body language giving that vibe. Neediness is still there alright.
SUMMARY:
- More self respect.
- Confronting situations are becoming easier. I could tell people off more easier and much clearer rather than it staying in my head or cause confusion.
- I'm becoming more aware of what my actions, either body language or mental projection
- I noticed that I give advice much more clearer now. Less people are saying, "what does that mean?"
- less needy
- more laid back
- Body language improving. Sometimes I really feel all of my body moving while walking or rather I'm feeling the walk (I don't really know how to describe this, I'll just say I walk better keeping in mind my body language sometimes), contrast to the "auto-walk" where I just don't care how I get there, I just want to get there which is often in a slouch position and occasionally tripping.
SUMMARY: (THE BAD)
- Fluctuating confidence. Sometimes I feel afraid of talking to people when I'm out.
- Motivation issues still there.
- I'm slacking with my Martial Arts Class. I've skipped days and now a whole week!
- Porn is getting back.
Always have a way with words Shannon, thanks!
Some update:
I'm surprised by the lack of action I'm currently experiencing. I wanted to become a graphics design freelancer so I could go places no problem. I am currently in the training of becoming a graphics designer for a starter company. If this company picks up and I'm part of it, assuming I can get my unmotivated state into action, I will succeed an essential part of my overall goal. I want to make a living while I'm traveling.
I think that this sub has been manifesting much of what I want to get too. It just bums me out and also funny at times when I think about that the road to get what I want is right there in front of me. I'm already walking that path but I couldn't give my 100%, I think I really have a lack of motivation. For the past weeks I've been all over thinking what I wanted to become, how to get there and what to do when I get there but no action. Seems like all the action is in my head LOL.
On the lighter side, I'm really appreciating the feeling of not taking anything personal. I also respect myself a lot more. I was in the same complex where the girl I was infatuated with in the beginning of this sub to visit my buddy, I tried to flirt with her and she said "go away". I did and didn't give much thought of it. A few hours later she stops by and asked me to drop her off somewhere. I said "No". I felt a little bit awkward with her around afterwards because I used to do what she wants every time.
Later that day I went to the bookstore with my little sister, I wanted to see that girl I liked and also work on a logo mock up I'm experimenting but unfortunately she wasn't around. It didn't seem to bother me though, and I feel relieved that she was not there. Because I know that inside me, I felt the need to see her and wanted to have a small conversation with her but it doesn't feel natural, I feel uneasy that I'm expecting something or someone. Now that I think about it, it kind of falls into the stalker category, I have to let go and stop this. This sub also made me aware of things like this, while I just wanted to talk to her and don't mean anything to harm, it does kind of look creepy if you become needy. Before we left, I bought my sister a book and she noticed that I sound disappointed when I was talking to the cashier. She thinks because she made me buy a book. I realized that I was subconsciously looking forward to see the girl, I wasn't thinking of anything about being disappointed because she wasn't there, but it was my body language giving that vibe. Neediness is still there alright.
SUMMARY:
- More self respect.
- Confronting situations are becoming easier. I could tell people off more easier and much clearer rather than it staying in my head or cause confusion.
- I'm becoming more aware of what my actions, either body language or mental projection
- I noticed that I give advice much more clearer now. Less people are saying, "what does that mean?"
- less needy
- more laid back
- Body language improving. Sometimes I really feel all of my body moving while walking or rather I'm feeling the walk (I don't really know how to describe this, I'll just say I walk better keeping in mind my body language sometimes), contrast to the "auto-walk" where I just don't care how I get there, I just want to get there which is often in a slouch position and occasionally tripping.
SUMMARY: (THE BAD)
- Fluctuating confidence. Sometimes I feel afraid of talking to people when I'm out.
- Motivation issues still there.
- I'm slacking with my Martial Arts Class. I've skipped days and now a whole week!
- Porn is getting back.
