alright, the first week of alpha male 2011 stage 3 was crazy. I was crying for a straight week even while working. I have never been in this state before, by the third day I just let tears flow and just do my work like nothing's happening. The simplest nostalgia would trigger it, a familiar song or just simply out of the blue. I wasn't sensitive to anyone's criticism, I was sensitive of my own. It slowed down by the 2nd week, and then I started feeling rage within me.
I was confronting people close to me for the slightest hint of disrespect. But I wasn't raising my voice too much like I did in stage I and II, I was calmer and I try to explain what they did that hit my nerve. For consecutive days I was easily irritated and feel uncomfortable easily. I was aware the whole time that it is the sub working on me, by the end of each day when I reflect to things that happened during the day, I laugh it off how easily irritated I get and how much anger I feel knowing it was the sub that brought it out.
This sub has also changed the way I deal with rejection and response to women really noticeably. I am now more inclined to put aside pursuing my woman of interest for something fun to do by myself or with friends. I may have let the chance of getting closer to this lady slip right under my nose but it does not affect me as much as I used to. I can tell that she was interested since we first met about 6 months ago, she works at this bookstore I frequent to read manga and fighter jet magazines. after valentines day I did try to ask her out but she said "no, I can't", while putting the lid on the tea I just ordered with a voice that sounded like her stock reply to people who ask her out (or someone who's working but can't give you her personal information). I was stunned. I felt a jolt in my spine. I felt a little bit disappointed because I was expecting her to say something along the lines of "sure" to declining the offer but saying some other time. Its funny how things work out between us when I don't expect anything and the first time I do I got shot in the foot.
I guess I'll take some time off before I see her again, I feel needy at times and this day dreaming is kicking me non stop. It's driving me nuts, it's ridiculous.
motivation is still going downhill. even posting in my own thread somehow requires some motivation lmao. I'm thinking nobody reads it anyway, i just thought I could put some of my brain cells to relax after I keep contemplating on writing about my journey so far. but I hope somebody finds it helpful just one bit. I still read new posts everyday. It's quite amusing how other users are going through the same stuff I am especially jimbobday but it's frustrating sometimes that I can't bring myself to reply on other threads let alone write on mine.
- E
I was confronting people close to me for the slightest hint of disrespect. But I wasn't raising my voice too much like I did in stage I and II, I was calmer and I try to explain what they did that hit my nerve. For consecutive days I was easily irritated and feel uncomfortable easily. I was aware the whole time that it is the sub working on me, by the end of each day when I reflect to things that happened during the day, I laugh it off how easily irritated I get and how much anger I feel knowing it was the sub that brought it out.
This sub has also changed the way I deal with rejection and response to women really noticeably. I am now more inclined to put aside pursuing my woman of interest for something fun to do by myself or with friends. I may have let the chance of getting closer to this lady slip right under my nose but it does not affect me as much as I used to. I can tell that she was interested since we first met about 6 months ago, she works at this bookstore I frequent to read manga and fighter jet magazines. after valentines day I did try to ask her out but she said "no, I can't", while putting the lid on the tea I just ordered with a voice that sounded like her stock reply to people who ask her out (or someone who's working but can't give you her personal information). I was stunned. I felt a jolt in my spine. I felt a little bit disappointed because I was expecting her to say something along the lines of "sure" to declining the offer but saying some other time. Its funny how things work out between us when I don't expect anything and the first time I do I got shot in the foot.
I guess I'll take some time off before I see her again, I feel needy at times and this day dreaming is kicking me non stop. It's driving me nuts, it's ridiculous.
motivation is still going downhill. even posting in my own thread somehow requires some motivation lmao. I'm thinking nobody reads it anyway, i just thought I could put some of my brain cells to relax after I keep contemplating on writing about my journey so far. but I hope somebody finds it helpful just one bit. I still read new posts everyday. It's quite amusing how other users are going through the same stuff I am especially jimbobday but it's frustrating sometimes that I can't bring myself to reply on other threads let alone write on mine.
- E
