Dardevils Road To Alpha (DMSI 3.2 Addition)

[Daredevil]

I found this in my Journal

I have a deep fear of success and failure and that is why I am struggling right now
to move forward. Also I have a deep unconscious feeling not to be a burden to
anyone because of all the whining in my house when I was younger and that still
goes on now so I learned not to speak up my mind because of fear of punishment
and retribution. Even though I might not say it, because of this people sense that
I am deeply needy and that repels people from me and leads me to having no
friends or people to lean on. I also smile a lot because I want to communicate that
I am not threatening and don’t want any trouble because I feel that I am weak, but
truly I am very strong but I fear my own power and hurting people so I let people
walk all over me without resistance. My need for sexual jokes come from a need to
be accepted and loved which I didn’t get much of when young and also my need
to come across in a non threatening way. This often comes to my detriment. I
have an obsession with females because of the controlling nature of my mother
and how she was also distant and smothering at the same time. I fear hurting my
father by I also have a deep want to hurt him. Badly as seen in my dreams. I also
eat compulsively to get the love that I feel I was deprived of as a child and
because I also had a lack of breastfeeding. My sexual center is also tight and
locked down for reasons I don’t know yet but it seems to me that I have tons of
repressed energy there.