12-08-2017, 12:52 PM
Oh boy! It’s been ages since I last posted. I did not keep a private journal like I used to, so I can’t remember all the changes that took place.
TL;DR. I did not get laid - but that was down to logistics. Bloom was amazing. Second DMSI run was brutal and made me run away from DMSI.
So, trying to remember some of the things which happened during my DMSI run, I would say it was good overall. I was pretty busy and rarely visited the journal. I remember reading a post which said we could decide on the number of loops to run, and I decided to run five loops. I did that for about two weeks and found that it messed up with my sleep pattern and increased my anxiety. I cut it down to three loops which I ran until the end of August.
During the three loops period, I noticed a lot of attraction and the urge to approach. However, I don’t know if this is part of approach anxiety or not, I did not approach because of the lack of the right words to say if I did. I was not afraid, I just felt like I would not be able to keep a conversation flowing. Auto-training needed here. I was approached a couple of times in a library. They were both hot ladies in their early twenties. The conversations went well, and though I thought I could guide them to sexual related stuff, I did not because I knew I would not be able to capitalise on it. I did not have a place of my own at the time and did not even want to consider going to their place (a form of resistance?)
One of the highlights was when I was travelling by coach and I had this teenager sitting in the next row rubbing her thighs vigorously. I even managed to get it on video and wanted to post it here. I chose not to after I read a post from Chaos (miss your posts, man) stating that videos could get IML into trouble. Being paranoid about child pornography shit, I later deleted the video from my phone.
Fast forward to the end of August. I stopped using DMSI on 31 August to experience the bloom for a month and then move to MLS 5.5. At least that was the plan. I experienced massive respect from men - random men waving at me from their cars, shouting greetings as they drove past, others saying Hello to me on the streets with broad smiles on their faces. Not just men - I remember an incident when I was waiting to cross the road and these MILFS waved at me from a public transport bus. I'd never experienced anything like this since I moved to the UK. I noticed I could not handle the respect. It all felt foreign to me, which brought the realisation that I’m not worthy of such respect. I hope this aspect -self-esteem- will be looked into in further versions of DMSI. (To be fair, I think a separate "DMSI preparatory sub" should be made, and DMSI stick to what DMSI is)
Still during the bloom period, there was a weird manifestation with girls in their late teens to early 20s. There were pulled towards me while ghosting me at the same time. For example, I was at the coach station once and there was this group of girls, about 5 of them, on a trip to a different destination from mine. I suddenly found myself surrounded, to the point of them almost entering my personal space. I said nothing and moved a few metres away. Within minutes I was surrounded by them again. I moved away again and the same thing happened. They all did this while not acknowledging my presence - talking and laughing loudly. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or sad when my coach arrived for boarding.
In October, not being able to purchase MLS as planned, I decided to go back to side B of DMSI. I used it for a week and had the worst social anxiety ever! I could keep eye contact but my heart was always racing when I talked to people. I stopped and switched to A but did not feel better even after two weeks. I was fine when I was alone at my place but just the anticipation of meeting others on my course would get me really, really anxious each morning. I consciously made the decision not to talk to girls because of fear and anxiety. I sadly had to admit to myself that run of DMSI was too strong for me and I “ran away”.
I have not abandoned DMSI completely. I will definitely run the next version. It took me ages to decide between ARA and UD to clear this sh*t. As money was a major factor, I settled on E2 which I had purchased already. I’ve been on it for three days now and I’m already feeling some positive changes.
TL;DR. I did not get laid - but that was down to logistics. Bloom was amazing. Second DMSI run was brutal and made me run away from DMSI.
So, trying to remember some of the things which happened during my DMSI run, I would say it was good overall. I was pretty busy and rarely visited the journal. I remember reading a post which said we could decide on the number of loops to run, and I decided to run five loops. I did that for about two weeks and found that it messed up with my sleep pattern and increased my anxiety. I cut it down to three loops which I ran until the end of August.
During the three loops period, I noticed a lot of attraction and the urge to approach. However, I don’t know if this is part of approach anxiety or not, I did not approach because of the lack of the right words to say if I did. I was not afraid, I just felt like I would not be able to keep a conversation flowing. Auto-training needed here. I was approached a couple of times in a library. They were both hot ladies in their early twenties. The conversations went well, and though I thought I could guide them to sexual related stuff, I did not because I knew I would not be able to capitalise on it. I did not have a place of my own at the time and did not even want to consider going to their place (a form of resistance?)
One of the highlights was when I was travelling by coach and I had this teenager sitting in the next row rubbing her thighs vigorously. I even managed to get it on video and wanted to post it here. I chose not to after I read a post from Chaos (miss your posts, man) stating that videos could get IML into trouble. Being paranoid about child pornography shit, I later deleted the video from my phone.
Fast forward to the end of August. I stopped using DMSI on 31 August to experience the bloom for a month and then move to MLS 5.5. At least that was the plan. I experienced massive respect from men - random men waving at me from their cars, shouting greetings as they drove past, others saying Hello to me on the streets with broad smiles on their faces. Not just men - I remember an incident when I was waiting to cross the road and these MILFS waved at me from a public transport bus. I'd never experienced anything like this since I moved to the UK. I noticed I could not handle the respect. It all felt foreign to me, which brought the realisation that I’m not worthy of such respect. I hope this aspect -self-esteem- will be looked into in further versions of DMSI. (To be fair, I think a separate "DMSI preparatory sub" should be made, and DMSI stick to what DMSI is)
Still during the bloom period, there was a weird manifestation with girls in their late teens to early 20s. There were pulled towards me while ghosting me at the same time. For example, I was at the coach station once and there was this group of girls, about 5 of them, on a trip to a different destination from mine. I suddenly found myself surrounded, to the point of them almost entering my personal space. I said nothing and moved a few metres away. Within minutes I was surrounded by them again. I moved away again and the same thing happened. They all did this while not acknowledging my presence - talking and laughing loudly. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or sad when my coach arrived for boarding.
In October, not being able to purchase MLS as planned, I decided to go back to side B of DMSI. I used it for a week and had the worst social anxiety ever! I could keep eye contact but my heart was always racing when I talked to people. I stopped and switched to A but did not feel better even after two weeks. I was fine when I was alone at my place but just the anticipation of meeting others on my course would get me really, really anxious each morning. I consciously made the decision not to talk to girls because of fear and anxiety. I sadly had to admit to myself that run of DMSI was too strong for me and I “ran away”.
I have not abandoned DMSI completely. I will definitely run the next version. It took me ages to decide between ARA and UD to clear this sh*t. As money was a major factor, I settled on E2 which I had purchased already. I’ve been on it for three days now and I’m already feeling some positive changes.
Confront your problems. Walk away from BS. Seek wisdom to know the difference.
