10-27-2017, 01:37 AM
I have been thinking a lot about starting a new journal. Should I or shouldn't I? Does writing about my journey dilute the effects I think I am getting from subs or not? Should I write about stuff that seems like part-time hobby psycho-therapy of my mind, knowing I have no longer the right to delete my posts and journals, even if I realize I have shared more than I am willing to share? Is posting a waste of time and an escape mechanism?
I have no decisive answers to these questions. But I am writing anyway.
So let me bring you up to speed.
I really want and need to get my life in order. And after running subliminals for 3 and a half years straight I am still not closer to leading a successful and fulfilling life than I was before. In fact, I might even argue that I am farther away from it than ever. But because there are always three sides of a coin, I might also argue that this is simply part of the process and it gets worse before it gets better. Nobody said anything about how long this journey to becoming a better me would take and realistically it will be with me for the rest of my life.
As I have never run AM before, it might hold the key to get myself to rise and shine. Well, technically I tried it before, but I bailed out not too far into the program ... so it does not count.
Running set-up is exclusively US most of the time with speakers, sometimes with headphones. About 12 hours a day.
Yesterday was the last day of Stage 1. Today starts Stage 2.
Stage 1 was a rollercoaster. The first two weeks I escaped a lot whenever I was not working my shitty job. A lot of feeling down, then feeling good for short periods. Thinking about getting things done. But not doing anything about it. A lot of lethargy. Since I have a PhD to finish in my spare time that's amounting to me not getting anywhere. It's been like this for ... months. Hell, it's been been many months. So many, that together they are years. I have been sugarcoating this with positivity so much that reality and my thinking are worlds apart.
So what do I want to get out of AM? I don't care about women, I don't care about improving my social skills. I want to get back on track and get my professional life up and running again so I can get back to having a life worth living for. I want to be able to do and not only think about doing. I want to get back to travelling the world for work and having adventures in the most remote corners of this planet.
I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I am just a lazy bum. Or maybe I have come to see life as something that is not worth the effort. Something is wrong with my wiring in that regard.
I am in need of a complete mental overhaul regarding drive and success.
I want to find out if AM can enable me again.
I have no decisive answers to these questions. But I am writing anyway.
So let me bring you up to speed.
I really want and need to get my life in order. And after running subliminals for 3 and a half years straight I am still not closer to leading a successful and fulfilling life than I was before. In fact, I might even argue that I am farther away from it than ever. But because there are always three sides of a coin, I might also argue that this is simply part of the process and it gets worse before it gets better. Nobody said anything about how long this journey to becoming a better me would take and realistically it will be with me for the rest of my life.
As I have never run AM before, it might hold the key to get myself to rise and shine. Well, technically I tried it before, but I bailed out not too far into the program ... so it does not count.
Running set-up is exclusively US most of the time with speakers, sometimes with headphones. About 12 hours a day.
Yesterday was the last day of Stage 1. Today starts Stage 2.
Stage 1 was a rollercoaster. The first two weeks I escaped a lot whenever I was not working my shitty job. A lot of feeling down, then feeling good for short periods. Thinking about getting things done. But not doing anything about it. A lot of lethargy. Since I have a PhD to finish in my spare time that's amounting to me not getting anywhere. It's been like this for ... months. Hell, it's been been many months. So many, that together they are years. I have been sugarcoating this with positivity so much that reality and my thinking are worlds apart.
So what do I want to get out of AM? I don't care about women, I don't care about improving my social skills. I want to get back on track and get my professional life up and running again so I can get back to having a life worth living for. I want to be able to do and not only think about doing. I want to get back to travelling the world for work and having adventures in the most remote corners of this planet.
I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I am just a lazy bum. Or maybe I have come to see life as something that is not worth the effort. Something is wrong with my wiring in that regard.
I am in need of a complete mental overhaul regarding drive and success.
I want to find out if AM can enable me again.
_ - Third Stone From The Sun - _
