less than a week left with stage 2. I woke up today feeling off then later in the day felt unworthy of anything, lost, confused, unmotivated and easily irritated at myself. this morning this really cute hispanic girl with dark hair stared at me while she was walking away and me parking the car, but the weird thing is, It gave me just a tiny ego boost and lost it after a few minutes whereas before I would have my head up in space. Is this some kind of disconnection from getting confidence from other people. anyway never knew I had a neighbor like that I might go around the neighborhood some more 
then on my way to my office, I passed by this pretty blonde girl right after a corner. we had a split second eye contact then I instinctively uttered 'hey' and she said 'hey' back. this would have had me day dreaming the whole day but somehow, I just feel really unworthy and I don't see any point daydreaming, it didn't even cross my mind.
the third one was the best but felt worst of them all, I just got out of the men's room, reading new posts in subliminal-talk while going my way back to office, naturally I walked slowly then this good looking lady in her early 30s walked up behind me and said "you walk slow to get back later huh?". I didn't think of what to say and just said "you caught me.". what I have just said, felt like I didn't want a conversation and it ended there. I even thought I offended her and she may not do it again, it bothered me. my mind went to the usual mode of re-enacting the conversation and me making different replies and actually thought that some of them are good, but they don't change anything. they could've been useful and even better in the conversation. I want to know how I can get to think and say these things i've re-enacted in me mind.. but during the conversation, not after.
although I really like that I get these attention from women and its also quite rare that I do, today just didn't feel much when I get attention from women. I'm just lost and drowned in my misery. I don't have motivation for anything.
then on my way to my office, I passed by this pretty blonde girl right after a corner. we had a split second eye contact then I instinctively uttered 'hey' and she said 'hey' back. this would have had me day dreaming the whole day but somehow, I just feel really unworthy and I don't see any point daydreaming, it didn't even cross my mind.
the third one was the best but felt worst of them all, I just got out of the men's room, reading new posts in subliminal-talk while going my way back to office, naturally I walked slowly then this good looking lady in her early 30s walked up behind me and said "you walk slow to get back later huh?". I didn't think of what to say and just said "you caught me.". what I have just said, felt like I didn't want a conversation and it ended there. I even thought I offended her and she may not do it again, it bothered me. my mind went to the usual mode of re-enacting the conversation and me making different replies and actually thought that some of them are good, but they don't change anything. they could've been useful and even better in the conversation. I want to know how I can get to think and say these things i've re-enacted in me mind.. but during the conversation, not after.
although I really like that I get these attention from women and its also quite rare that I do, today just didn't feel much when I get attention from women. I'm just lost and drowned in my misery. I don't have motivation for anything.
