All kinds of small things and passing themes that don't really matter in the long term, but there is one consistent evolution I've been meaning to report.
Sex. Me & the gf, what it used to be was that we'd have a date and I'd get real horny with her and "take her", and maybe I'd plan to do something before hand, like tie her hands & blindfold or something. This was about a year ago, and it was what I did with the other ladies also (a bit more than a year go). I was of course living alone at the time, so I'd have all the alone time I needed and date times were special highlights in my schedule so I could always charge up to the events energy wise. I've always loved BJs, but I was also quite nervous when receiving them (except with 1 girl who really got off on it); I'd let her do it a bit and then (soon) "relieve her" of that job and proceed with the penetratus.
There was a slower transition time now on dmsi & living together that it shifted to her always initiating sex, and me being tired and stressed about performing and often resentful due to some fight that we'd just had and somehow feeling not okay with her starting sex afterwards. (I guess I wasn't ready to let go of the issues yet, plus nervous about not being in the right head space and thus not being able to get turned on like a bull like before, and thus not being good enough (for that standard)). But she has definitely been taking the lead in sex in a way, which was always something I felt I have to keep. Must be aggressive (=masculine), must stunt internal nervousness with tension and testosterone. (Cannot relax.) But she did also start cumming now that she got to be on top. I was really uncomfortable because she'd do some sort of weird grinding and I wasn't feeling where "the spot" is, and what's happening, and how long is this taking, and generally out of control. And control was important, because I was nervous if I'd be able to stay up (or not cumming) for long. And that was because of all the mental chatter and internal conflict I had going on. Anyway, she was always a screamer back when I was pile-driving her, and she was really enjoying it, so there's never been doubts about that. Also, she was very quick to come if I'd finger her, but apparently she had never (ever) been able to come through intercourse alone. So it happened some times, and she was getting excited - and, quote, "proud" about it. Now its a constant thing.
So, finally getting to now, I had an amazing day yesterday. Had *great* sex for the 2nd time during the day, and it left us both so satisfied and happy that I was basically smiling the whole day. We've had all kinds of tension lately, but she commented feeling joyful and happy when we we're walking outside. Privately (i.e. anonymously on the forum), I'd say I was feeling loving. There were some seriously hot-looking chicks that we walked past, and they'd stare in to my eyes, and I think 2 or 3 smiled at me almost blushing. While I was walking and talking hand-in-hand with the gf. She took a picture of me that she wanted to show to her friends because she thought I looked so sexy. But back to the sex report, now its really that I just lay back and she'll start stroking me and often I'll get these long bjs where I can just enjoy the hell out of it, and this hot blond is purring naked on my right leg, looking at me with my dick in her mouth. Some times she'll turn sideways so I can finger her while she's doing it, and a couple times she had wanted to come that way, so that she's sucking me while she cums. Unfortunately my recovery is not in any way phenomenal, and I'm not the most consistently high-energy guy anyway, so I feel bad after cumming because I know I'm "weakened" for a couple of days - and I might "need" that strength tomorrow, so I feel pressured. More than a year ago, I brought up that I might not want to cum every time for that reason. Her response was to get freaking pissed because she didn't understand it at all. We dabbled a bit, but it was kinda forgotten. Now she brings up this (tantric) thing herself, and we've been experimenting for some days now - and are really happy with it. Nothing special but just extending our trend of going slow and towards full relaxation and enjoyment with no destination - kind of like meditating when you're really horny and the girl is riding your dick and cumming on you, or sucking you of, or you're moving on top. Just focus on slow square breathing and enjoy. No regret afterwards and it still feels like I'm having sex even though the event was yesterday (twice).
Yeah, maybe I should get to work and stop perving out. ION, thinking a little bit about what the hell does family mean to me. I've always had a large extended family to support me, but I've still grown as an only child. I'm having the thought that me & people who don't yet exist are gonna be missing out if I don't continue that on my part, but also I really still don't want that for myself atm, and that I guess the "family" will still live on if the others produce the new recruits and build the houses that we gather in. But still unsure what I'd like my role to be in that. And the current gf (and dmsi, and work) situation is too unstable for now to really be viable anyway. Oh well, let it process. I did B for about a week (4-7h), last night back to A (4h). Maybe I'll alternate, not sure yet.
Sex. Me & the gf, what it used to be was that we'd have a date and I'd get real horny with her and "take her", and maybe I'd plan to do something before hand, like tie her hands & blindfold or something. This was about a year ago, and it was what I did with the other ladies also (a bit more than a year go). I was of course living alone at the time, so I'd have all the alone time I needed and date times were special highlights in my schedule so I could always charge up to the events energy wise. I've always loved BJs, but I was also quite nervous when receiving them (except with 1 girl who really got off on it); I'd let her do it a bit and then (soon) "relieve her" of that job and proceed with the penetratus.
There was a slower transition time now on dmsi & living together that it shifted to her always initiating sex, and me being tired and stressed about performing and often resentful due to some fight that we'd just had and somehow feeling not okay with her starting sex afterwards. (I guess I wasn't ready to let go of the issues yet, plus nervous about not being in the right head space and thus not being able to get turned on like a bull like before, and thus not being good enough (for that standard)). But she has definitely been taking the lead in sex in a way, which was always something I felt I have to keep. Must be aggressive (=masculine), must stunt internal nervousness with tension and testosterone. (Cannot relax.) But she did also start cumming now that she got to be on top. I was really uncomfortable because she'd do some sort of weird grinding and I wasn't feeling where "the spot" is, and what's happening, and how long is this taking, and generally out of control. And control was important, because I was nervous if I'd be able to stay up (or not cumming) for long. And that was because of all the mental chatter and internal conflict I had going on. Anyway, she was always a screamer back when I was pile-driving her, and she was really enjoying it, so there's never been doubts about that. Also, she was very quick to come if I'd finger her, but apparently she had never (ever) been able to come through intercourse alone. So it happened some times, and she was getting excited - and, quote, "proud" about it. Now its a constant thing.
So, finally getting to now, I had an amazing day yesterday. Had *great* sex for the 2nd time during the day, and it left us both so satisfied and happy that I was basically smiling the whole day. We've had all kinds of tension lately, but she commented feeling joyful and happy when we we're walking outside. Privately (i.e. anonymously on the forum), I'd say I was feeling loving. There were some seriously hot-looking chicks that we walked past, and they'd stare in to my eyes, and I think 2 or 3 smiled at me almost blushing. While I was walking and talking hand-in-hand with the gf. She took a picture of me that she wanted to show to her friends because she thought I looked so sexy. But back to the sex report, now its really that I just lay back and she'll start stroking me and often I'll get these long bjs where I can just enjoy the hell out of it, and this hot blond is purring naked on my right leg, looking at me with my dick in her mouth. Some times she'll turn sideways so I can finger her while she's doing it, and a couple times she had wanted to come that way, so that she's sucking me while she cums. Unfortunately my recovery is not in any way phenomenal, and I'm not the most consistently high-energy guy anyway, so I feel bad after cumming because I know I'm "weakened" for a couple of days - and I might "need" that strength tomorrow, so I feel pressured. More than a year ago, I brought up that I might not want to cum every time for that reason. Her response was to get freaking pissed because she didn't understand it at all. We dabbled a bit, but it was kinda forgotten. Now she brings up this (tantric) thing herself, and we've been experimenting for some days now - and are really happy with it. Nothing special but just extending our trend of going slow and towards full relaxation and enjoyment with no destination - kind of like meditating when you're really horny and the girl is riding your dick and cumming on you, or sucking you of, or you're moving on top. Just focus on slow square breathing and enjoy. No regret afterwards and it still feels like I'm having sex even though the event was yesterday (twice).
Yeah, maybe I should get to work and stop perving out. ION, thinking a little bit about what the hell does family mean to me. I've always had a large extended family to support me, but I've still grown as an only child. I'm having the thought that me & people who don't yet exist are gonna be missing out if I don't continue that on my part, but also I really still don't want that for myself atm, and that I guess the "family" will still live on if the others produce the new recruits and build the houses that we gather in. But still unsure what I'd like my role to be in that. And the current gf (and dmsi, and work) situation is too unstable for now to really be viable anyway. Oh well, let it process. I did B for about a week (4-7h), last night back to A (4h). Maybe I'll alternate, not sure yet.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
