Day 13
Today was an emotional rollercoaster.
Faced severe resistance.
However there were times where I was able to get into state, and other times where I was completely FUCKED mentally.
It was going back and forth to the point where I felt like I was losing my mind.
I kept my composure but honestly one of the worst social anxiety experiences i've ever had.
Basically was having mini panic attacks constantly throughout the day and brief periods where I was totally confident and at ease.
Majority of the time I had anxiety though.
I was able to build rapport with some servers regardless and one of them and me really got to know eachother.
The wierd thing is the times where I didn't have anxiety today I really capitalized on it.
I made some really good first impressions and what not but other times where I felt like I was losing my mind i'd purposely avoid interactions so I don't embarrasses myself or look extremely nervous.
Tomorrow I'm getting my normal test so I'l be balanced emotionally so the hormones wont be negatively affecting me anymore so DMSI will be much smoother I believe.
Today was brutal on me. I only had the anxiety with the women though so I believe I was facing some serious resistance and it wasn't my hormones today. (although it may have been as well)
with the guys there I was very comfortable and relaxed and at ease and sociable and happy.
Today could have been allot worse but luckily I still managed to not blow things with the chicks and look like a complete wreck.
I only had 4 hours of sleep last night and also I might have accidently used DMSI for 4 loops instead of 3. I wasn't able to remember what loop I was on so I wasn't sure.
I hope tomorrow I'm okay.
I really connected with one women there today we talked about how were both ravers and we both happened to drop LSD and go to an above and beyond concert (which is pretty conincidental if you ask me) and we knew some of the same people. I told her were going to go to a show one day when I'm off probation (i opened up to her about my probation and she was chill about it)
I feel like she liked me. Unfortunately she's not really my type physically, but I'd still bang her. She's really nice too and we have allot in common so far. I also met another vegan like myself who is unattractive unfortunately but I connected with her a bit too.
If I wasn't so self aware of myself today would have been allot worse. I avoided talking to people when I felt like complete shit for the most part and only interacted when I felt good.
So yeah I got real lucky. The resistance was so tough but at times I was "in state" which is strange. I kept fluctuating between being in state, neutral, and panic attacks / anxiety.
Today was an emotional rollercoaster.
Faced severe resistance.
However there were times where I was able to get into state, and other times where I was completely FUCKED mentally.
It was going back and forth to the point where I felt like I was losing my mind.
I kept my composure but honestly one of the worst social anxiety experiences i've ever had.
Basically was having mini panic attacks constantly throughout the day and brief periods where I was totally confident and at ease.
Majority of the time I had anxiety though.
I was able to build rapport with some servers regardless and one of them and me really got to know eachother.
The wierd thing is the times where I didn't have anxiety today I really capitalized on it.
I made some really good first impressions and what not but other times where I felt like I was losing my mind i'd purposely avoid interactions so I don't embarrasses myself or look extremely nervous.
Tomorrow I'm getting my normal test so I'l be balanced emotionally so the hormones wont be negatively affecting me anymore so DMSI will be much smoother I believe.
Today was brutal on me. I only had the anxiety with the women though so I believe I was facing some serious resistance and it wasn't my hormones today. (although it may have been as well)
with the guys there I was very comfortable and relaxed and at ease and sociable and happy.
Today could have been allot worse but luckily I still managed to not blow things with the chicks and look like a complete wreck.
I only had 4 hours of sleep last night and also I might have accidently used DMSI for 4 loops instead of 3. I wasn't able to remember what loop I was on so I wasn't sure.
I hope tomorrow I'm okay.
I really connected with one women there today we talked about how were both ravers and we both happened to drop LSD and go to an above and beyond concert (which is pretty conincidental if you ask me) and we knew some of the same people. I told her were going to go to a show one day when I'm off probation (i opened up to her about my probation and she was chill about it)
I feel like she liked me. Unfortunately she's not really my type physically, but I'd still bang her. She's really nice too and we have allot in common so far. I also met another vegan like myself who is unattractive unfortunately but I connected with her a bit too.
If I wasn't so self aware of myself today would have been allot worse. I avoided talking to people when I felt like complete shit for the most part and only interacted when I felt good.
So yeah I got real lucky. The resistance was so tough but at times I was "in state" which is strange. I kept fluctuating between being in state, neutral, and panic attacks / anxiety.
