Day 12
What an interesting day, to say the least. No I didn't bang any woman but I definitely feel DMSI working again. It's fucking unbelievable how fast 5.5g technology kicks in. I am so stoked. It made such a drastic difference for me in how I feel and interact with these woman.
It's easy for me to guage it because it's the same woman (Met many new ones today though)
and its the same environment, and i'm very in tune with how I'm feeling. I know when i'm feeling low self esteem vs high self esteem. Or stressed ect. And I can sometimes when feeling stressed, use my breathing to help reduce the stressed (while working). Sometimes stress would randomly build up today.
Anyways, all the woman there were nicer to me today than in the past, were smiling at me constantly (every woman smiled at me today) last week NONE, some did but it wasn't a real genuine smile. I can read faces easier then words (empath) so I know for sure when a woman is into me or not.
I'm not saying ALL these woman wanted to bang me or date me. But I can tell for sure some of them are interested for sure.
One woman who works as a cook in the back walked by and we bumped into each other in the hallway and she put BOTH hands on my arms and rubbed me with both hands on my arms while saying sorry.
This is a clear indictator of interest, she used clear physical (rubbing of her hands on my arm) to show me she's interested. Made me feel really good after. She's short and cute but she wears masculine clothing due to work. Unlike the other 30 servers (yup im serious I was way off with the amount of woman that work there, way more then I expected, I saw like 8 more today)
I also had one of the sexiest blondes there 21 years old tall and very nice, last week she was kinda bitchy/stuck up (very subtle, not in a bold way), But that's when I felt like shit because I had high test and no estrogen due to me fucking up my hormone therapy.
Made me feel like a fucking wierd last week and my voice too so I could see why she was negative last week.
Anyways today she was chatting me up while walking by and not just her but all the woman that last week showed me basically 0 intention, started talking to me and asking me what my name is and smiling at me when I walked by.
my body language and more importantly how I FELT was amazing today compared to last week. Much less stress, felt solid (proper hormone balance, and could feel DMSI making me more comfortable and less anxiety)
I listened to 3 loops during the day when I woke up today and yesterday so this is also first time I'm using during day in long time. (first for DMSI)
that blonde 21 year old woman I was just talking about asked me if I want anything and I told her to get me a coffee and she did. We talked for a bit after that.
I'm really looking forward to work now that I feel much more comfortable around these woman and because even more of them have showed up that are absolutely mint 10/10s.
So yeah DMSI is starting to take effect and it should be nice to see what happens from here on in.
I'm going back on proper test tomorrow instead of fluctuating hormone levels that I have with DBOL. (due to lack of funds, dog getting sick and paying massive vet bills so I couldn't afford it)
The normal test makes me feel the same for many days in a row instead of the constant hormone fluctuation I have had for a while now. To be honest it is extremely fucked up to go from high test to low test in one day.
Never do steroids, stupid decision, although I did gain massive mass (40 lbs) and kept 25 lbs still. I shut down my own production so until I take 6 months to a year off work and let myself go without any testosterone for that long (it's hell, I've done it for a month before I couldn't handle it, gets worse and worse)
I did it because I expected to go to jail again and I was scared. I already did go for 4 days and at the time I was 125 lbs and now I'm 155, my max weight was 175 when I hit the gym hard and was doing bodybuilding type doses of roids instead of just TRT like I am.
Btw little tidbit of drama that occured today, a police officer comes to my work while i'm working at 10pm and does a fucking curfew check on me in front of my work inside near the hostess area.
Luckily the hostess, some guy whos Persian like myself had my back and lied for me without me even asking him and told everyone who asked that it was because of my car insurance expiring.
No one came up to me and asked about it so I didn't have to lie or tell the truth (depending on who it is) I prefer to be honest, it's extremely hard for me to lie to people nowadays. My boss actually told me he hired me because of my honesty & genuinity.
It was a mix up with the police officer because under his system it says I cant be allowed past 10pm for work purposes, although with my bail supervisors system it says I can. So the officer said he could technically arrest me right now, but he knew I wasn't lying and obviously used his proper judgment.
I was choked to see the cop there I told the guy it was inappropriate for him to come to my work and it jeopardizes my job. Cop said he would lie for me if it came down to it. Nice guy! I was choked but still respectful and nice. I always respect authority if they respect me.
But yeah kind of lengthy post so il end it with one last statement.
I felt genuinely happy today in random moments and it felt amazing. Last week I was completely out of state, and today I wasn't always completely in "state" but I was never completely out of it today.
and by state I mean "Being in the moment, not in my head, happy"
What an interesting day, to say the least. No I didn't bang any woman but I definitely feel DMSI working again. It's fucking unbelievable how fast 5.5g technology kicks in. I am so stoked. It made such a drastic difference for me in how I feel and interact with these woman.
It's easy for me to guage it because it's the same woman (Met many new ones today though)
and its the same environment, and i'm very in tune with how I'm feeling. I know when i'm feeling low self esteem vs high self esteem. Or stressed ect. And I can sometimes when feeling stressed, use my breathing to help reduce the stressed (while working). Sometimes stress would randomly build up today.
Anyways, all the woman there were nicer to me today than in the past, were smiling at me constantly (every woman smiled at me today) last week NONE, some did but it wasn't a real genuine smile. I can read faces easier then words (empath) so I know for sure when a woman is into me or not.
I'm not saying ALL these woman wanted to bang me or date me. But I can tell for sure some of them are interested for sure.
One woman who works as a cook in the back walked by and we bumped into each other in the hallway and she put BOTH hands on my arms and rubbed me with both hands on my arms while saying sorry.
This is a clear indictator of interest, she used clear physical (rubbing of her hands on my arm) to show me she's interested. Made me feel really good after. She's short and cute but she wears masculine clothing due to work. Unlike the other 30 servers (yup im serious I was way off with the amount of woman that work there, way more then I expected, I saw like 8 more today)
I also had one of the sexiest blondes there 21 years old tall and very nice, last week she was kinda bitchy/stuck up (very subtle, not in a bold way), But that's when I felt like shit because I had high test and no estrogen due to me fucking up my hormone therapy.
Made me feel like a fucking wierd last week and my voice too so I could see why she was negative last week.
Anyways today she was chatting me up while walking by and not just her but all the woman that last week showed me basically 0 intention, started talking to me and asking me what my name is and smiling at me when I walked by.
my body language and more importantly how I FELT was amazing today compared to last week. Much less stress, felt solid (proper hormone balance, and could feel DMSI making me more comfortable and less anxiety)
I listened to 3 loops during the day when I woke up today and yesterday so this is also first time I'm using during day in long time. (first for DMSI)
that blonde 21 year old woman I was just talking about asked me if I want anything and I told her to get me a coffee and she did. We talked for a bit after that.
I'm really looking forward to work now that I feel much more comfortable around these woman and because even more of them have showed up that are absolutely mint 10/10s.
So yeah DMSI is starting to take effect and it should be nice to see what happens from here on in.
I'm going back on proper test tomorrow instead of fluctuating hormone levels that I have with DBOL. (due to lack of funds, dog getting sick and paying massive vet bills so I couldn't afford it)
The normal test makes me feel the same for many days in a row instead of the constant hormone fluctuation I have had for a while now. To be honest it is extremely fucked up to go from high test to low test in one day.
Never do steroids, stupid decision, although I did gain massive mass (40 lbs) and kept 25 lbs still. I shut down my own production so until I take 6 months to a year off work and let myself go without any testosterone for that long (it's hell, I've done it for a month before I couldn't handle it, gets worse and worse)
I did it because I expected to go to jail again and I was scared. I already did go for 4 days and at the time I was 125 lbs and now I'm 155, my max weight was 175 when I hit the gym hard and was doing bodybuilding type doses of roids instead of just TRT like I am.
Btw little tidbit of drama that occured today, a police officer comes to my work while i'm working at 10pm and does a fucking curfew check on me in front of my work inside near the hostess area.
Luckily the hostess, some guy whos Persian like myself had my back and lied for me without me even asking him and told everyone who asked that it was because of my car insurance expiring.
No one came up to me and asked about it so I didn't have to lie or tell the truth (depending on who it is) I prefer to be honest, it's extremely hard for me to lie to people nowadays. My boss actually told me he hired me because of my honesty & genuinity.
It was a mix up with the police officer because under his system it says I cant be allowed past 10pm for work purposes, although with my bail supervisors system it says I can. So the officer said he could technically arrest me right now, but he knew I wasn't lying and obviously used his proper judgment.
I was choked to see the cop there I told the guy it was inappropriate for him to come to my work and it jeopardizes my job. Cop said he would lie for me if it came down to it. Nice guy! I was choked but still respectful and nice. I always respect authority if they respect me.
But yeah kind of lengthy post so il end it with one last statement.
I felt genuinely happy today in random moments and it felt amazing. Last week I was completely out of state, and today I wasn't always completely in "state" but I was never completely out of it today.
and by state I mean "Being in the moment, not in my head, happy"
