Day 10
Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW-s9fop4d4
Some interesting developments and other things.
To pick up from where I left off at day 7, I had been feeling rage for almost 3 hours. It was boiling under the surface, and I didn't know what was triggering it. I can't recall any other time I felt as angry as I did on Thursday. It was unreal.
Anyway, as the evening subsided, I had feelings of euphoria for a while after and by late evening I was in a pretty good mood.
I didn't do any loops Thursday night, because I was going to switch over to B on Friday night for a week.
Friday morning I woke up pretty clear headed, lots of energy, and I was feeling really social. I couldn't focus much on work, but I was really upbeat. And having that one day off really blossomed the sub for me. I felt like a beast by midday. I mean I eyeballed everything that caught my attention and my intentions were dead locked in my eyes.
I was literally eye-fucking every sweet piece of ass that caught my attention. I had dinner with my father on Friday night, our weekly get together, and even he commented that I walked differently and that I looked different. It was interesting. I also had a woman staring at me while I was on the train ride home. A very attractive blonde.
Friday night I did my first session of the B-Sides. I was out in 15 minutes. I remember the dream I had. It was that vivid. In the dream, I was living the celebrity effect. Everywhere I went people knew me, I had the proverbial red carpet rolled out for me. I stepped into a bar and the owner greeted me. It was pretty cool.
When I woke up Saturday morning though, I felt like I had been run over by a mack-truck. I felt demolished. That being said, it was like I wasn't listening to how to be sexier, but instead, how to be more productive. I got more work done in my first three hours of being awake then I had all week. It was unreal...
Then I had a meeting with someone who wanted to work with me. This is where things got really interesting for me. I have over the years worked on several startups and even advised folks on what they need to do in their businesses. Most of the time, the advice came for free. Ask me why, I'll say I had some deep rooted guilt associated with money and making it. Or maybe it was about being a good guy. Without getting deep into my past, there are reasons for how I felt.
Some how in my 20's I felt it was more important to be helpful and a good person than to be the person I am.
That model carried through in my business affairs most especially.
Going back to the meeting, the guy suddenly started asking me tons of questions and about 5 minutes into the conversation I realized that this was a waste of my time. Unless the guy was going to roll out a checkbook and discuss engaging me for my services, I wasn't interested. This was burning through me and I was ready to stop the meeting and just leave. I didn't, only because we had mutual friends, one who is close to me. I heard him out, gave him some shallow points that he could get anywhere, and we shook hands and I left.
This is the first time in almost a decade and a half that I felt like that. I went home and sat down for a long time thinking about the meeting, and realized that, yeah, my time is worth that much.
This also brought up other feelings and emotions centered around women, and some of whom I had gone so far out of my way to be helpful to in the guise of friendship. By the time I had all of these memories running through my head, I was disgusted with myself.
Around that time I also had a dull pain and I knew it was me resisting something. However after a few minutes that feeling passed.
Last night I sat down to do my two loops of B. With 3.0.1, it's the first version I listen to only on headphones, and as I played it, I couldn't sleep. I didn't feel my state shift either, or anything of that nature, but, I couldn't sleep. I was wide awake the entire time. After the loops finished, I took off the headset, closed my eyes, and I was out cold.
The dreams I had were amazing.
I dreamt that I was with this girl. And at first we were just talking, and at some point I held her hands. Next thing I know I was sitting on a grassy mountain side somewhere watching the horizon. And at some point, she put her head on my shoulder. I felt that childhood crush feeling you feel when you're with someone you really like, and you have that intimacy. It felt amazing. It's something I haven't felt in more than 20 years. It was amazing.
The next part of the dream involved me in a studio and I was practicing dance moves. Mind you, I haven't clubbed like that in over a decade where I rip up the floor. But there I was, doing these crazy dance moves like I used to back in the day.
This morning I woke up a little less jarred. Still very focused, lots of energy, zero interest in women or being noticed though. My mind, and not to be a cliche, is focused on money and getting my own projects off the ground.
On a final noteI ordered a pair of headphones for myself, as I want the right ear pieces for listening to DMSI 3.0.1. I picked up the Sennheiser HD 280 Pros. Probably my very favorite pair of headphones ever, it's been years since I had another pair. I figured it was time. Only the best for Shannon's subs.
Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW-s9fop4d4
Some interesting developments and other things.
To pick up from where I left off at day 7, I had been feeling rage for almost 3 hours. It was boiling under the surface, and I didn't know what was triggering it. I can't recall any other time I felt as angry as I did on Thursday. It was unreal.
Anyway, as the evening subsided, I had feelings of euphoria for a while after and by late evening I was in a pretty good mood.
I didn't do any loops Thursday night, because I was going to switch over to B on Friday night for a week.
Friday morning I woke up pretty clear headed, lots of energy, and I was feeling really social. I couldn't focus much on work, but I was really upbeat. And having that one day off really blossomed the sub for me. I felt like a beast by midday. I mean I eyeballed everything that caught my attention and my intentions were dead locked in my eyes.
I was literally eye-fucking every sweet piece of ass that caught my attention. I had dinner with my father on Friday night, our weekly get together, and even he commented that I walked differently and that I looked different. It was interesting. I also had a woman staring at me while I was on the train ride home. A very attractive blonde.
Friday night I did my first session of the B-Sides. I was out in 15 minutes. I remember the dream I had. It was that vivid. In the dream, I was living the celebrity effect. Everywhere I went people knew me, I had the proverbial red carpet rolled out for me. I stepped into a bar and the owner greeted me. It was pretty cool.
When I woke up Saturday morning though, I felt like I had been run over by a mack-truck. I felt demolished. That being said, it was like I wasn't listening to how to be sexier, but instead, how to be more productive. I got more work done in my first three hours of being awake then I had all week. It was unreal...
Then I had a meeting with someone who wanted to work with me. This is where things got really interesting for me. I have over the years worked on several startups and even advised folks on what they need to do in their businesses. Most of the time, the advice came for free. Ask me why, I'll say I had some deep rooted guilt associated with money and making it. Or maybe it was about being a good guy. Without getting deep into my past, there are reasons for how I felt.
Some how in my 20's I felt it was more important to be helpful and a good person than to be the person I am.
That model carried through in my business affairs most especially.
Going back to the meeting, the guy suddenly started asking me tons of questions and about 5 minutes into the conversation I realized that this was a waste of my time. Unless the guy was going to roll out a checkbook and discuss engaging me for my services, I wasn't interested. This was burning through me and I was ready to stop the meeting and just leave. I didn't, only because we had mutual friends, one who is close to me. I heard him out, gave him some shallow points that he could get anywhere, and we shook hands and I left.
This is the first time in almost a decade and a half that I felt like that. I went home and sat down for a long time thinking about the meeting, and realized that, yeah, my time is worth that much.
This also brought up other feelings and emotions centered around women, and some of whom I had gone so far out of my way to be helpful to in the guise of friendship. By the time I had all of these memories running through my head, I was disgusted with myself.
Around that time I also had a dull pain and I knew it was me resisting something. However after a few minutes that feeling passed.
Last night I sat down to do my two loops of B. With 3.0.1, it's the first version I listen to only on headphones, and as I played it, I couldn't sleep. I didn't feel my state shift either, or anything of that nature, but, I couldn't sleep. I was wide awake the entire time. After the loops finished, I took off the headset, closed my eyes, and I was out cold.
The dreams I had were amazing.
I dreamt that I was with this girl. And at first we were just talking, and at some point I held her hands. Next thing I know I was sitting on a grassy mountain side somewhere watching the horizon. And at some point, she put her head on my shoulder. I felt that childhood crush feeling you feel when you're with someone you really like, and you have that intimacy. It felt amazing. It's something I haven't felt in more than 20 years. It was amazing.
The next part of the dream involved me in a studio and I was practicing dance moves. Mind you, I haven't clubbed like that in over a decade where I rip up the floor. But there I was, doing these crazy dance moves like I used to back in the day.
This morning I woke up a little less jarred. Still very focused, lots of energy, zero interest in women or being noticed though. My mind, and not to be a cliche, is focused on money and getting my own projects off the ground.
On a final noteI ordered a pair of headphones for myself, as I want the right ear pieces for listening to DMSI 3.0.1. I picked up the Sennheiser HD 280 Pros. Probably my very favorite pair of headphones ever, it's been years since I had another pair. I figured it was time. Only the best for Shannon's subs.
