08-25-2016, 11:31 PM
Spelled my username correct when logging in for the first time.. apathy is a hard word... well I mostly its just cuz I wanna spell it apathey...
Not much to report... much waste of time.. obviously didn't get anything done.. and now I am not freaking out like last night... but I guess tomorrow night... The night before that damn audition.. I mean maybe I won't.. But this is typical of me.. I mean I guess I should freak out but I kinda am at that stage where I accepted I screwed up and its too late to fix it so just go with it.. I mean if I don't do well I obviously will regret and stuff, but I guess I don't have to worry about that till after...
I needa stop watching porn. I'm not even jerking off anymore.. I literally just watch it.. Like I don't feel any desire to jack off, but I'm bored/procrastinating, so I watched like 5 hours of porn without touching myself.. I mean I guess I did kinda at times, but wasn't really horny or anything.. And youtube.. I gotta cut back on the porn and the youtubes.
Anger towards mom.. Frustration towards everything... I guess I'm really not taking care of myself... I know I blame it on the stress of the audition, but it really is just me not taking time to chill out. Holding on to old habits.. Not allowing the change to happen..
I think I get pissed off for the most unreasonable of reasons and I just don't know why. And course I don't even try to explain so guess that upsets people also.. I mean before "explain" by getting hella mad, showing my anger, outbursts and stuff, to show the person I'm upset, but I guess for the most part I can just swallow it... but the anger is definitely still there.. I want people to know that I am upset so they won't anger me again.. But I guess I just gotta learn to not be angry.. Idk how.
Not much to report... much waste of time.. obviously didn't get anything done.. and now I am not freaking out like last night... but I guess tomorrow night... The night before that damn audition.. I mean maybe I won't.. But this is typical of me.. I mean I guess I should freak out but I kinda am at that stage where I accepted I screwed up and its too late to fix it so just go with it.. I mean if I don't do well I obviously will regret and stuff, but I guess I don't have to worry about that till after...
I needa stop watching porn. I'm not even jerking off anymore.. I literally just watch it.. Like I don't feel any desire to jack off, but I'm bored/procrastinating, so I watched like 5 hours of porn without touching myself.. I mean I guess I did kinda at times, but wasn't really horny or anything.. And youtube.. I gotta cut back on the porn and the youtubes.
Anger towards mom.. Frustration towards everything... I guess I'm really not taking care of myself... I know I blame it on the stress of the audition, but it really is just me not taking time to chill out. Holding on to old habits.. Not allowing the change to happen..
I think I get pissed off for the most unreasonable of reasons and I just don't know why. And course I don't even try to explain so guess that upsets people also.. I mean before "explain" by getting hella mad, showing my anger, outbursts and stuff, to show the person I'm upset, but I guess for the most part I can just swallow it... but the anger is definitely still there.. I want people to know that I am upset so they won't anger me again.. But I guess I just gotta learn to not be angry.. Idk how.
