08-20-2016, 08:12 PM
I don't wanna go into details but I'm a hella controlling and manipulative person and i kinda told myself to stop and I can just stop doing that at anytime but I just kept at it. Made person feel really bad... I guess to make up for that, I did some singing. Problem is when I sing when I'm not totally focused and at ease I just end up gettin worse. I really hope I didn't just set myself back at least a month... Cuz that would be bad... Gonna try to practice better tomorrow morning. It's when I sing to hear my voice, to prove to myself that there is something I'm good at, that my singing, ironically gets worse.. Idk if I ever sing for fun, but when I do sing, I need to make sure I get work done, instead of sabatoging myself.. I guess it's just guilt for earlier that I wanted to show myself that I am not that bad... Well, now I feel bad for undoing all that work, so more guilt..
Fell back into the jerking off when it's time to do it, rather than doing when I feel like it. Maybe cuz I've not been listening to the loops of E2 in a loop (ocean).. Haven't had time to sit through 3 hours consecutively, but I am getting 2 nonconsecutive hours or so with headphones and loop the ultrasonic through the night..
Nothing remarkable really happened with my anger today... Too busy being a jerk.. Wasn't as good as the first few days but I guess it's not completely back to where I was before I started..
Fell back into the jerking off when it's time to do it, rather than doing when I feel like it. Maybe cuz I've not been listening to the loops of E2 in a loop (ocean).. Haven't had time to sit through 3 hours consecutively, but I am getting 2 nonconsecutive hours or so with headphones and loop the ultrasonic through the night..
Nothing remarkable really happened with my anger today... Too busy being a jerk.. Wasn't as good as the first few days but I guess it's not completely back to where I was before I started..
