07-01-2011, 04:44 PM
Forgot about rule #4. As of late, the weeks have been rough mentally, physically, and emotionally. I am seeing the blinding light at the end of the tunnel, but I have some more steps to tread. I have so much I want to accomplish, but my energy has been nowhere to be found. I am exerting far more energy than I have in the tank. Looking back, I am miles from who I a was, if I went back, would I change anything? I am not sure yet, the journey is far from over and the outcome is varying.
When I first heard about affirmations and subliminals, my mouth watered with desire with a piercing smell of neediness which also gave birth to Insecurity. I saw these two tools as my only way out, my only shot at redemption. While, that may have been the case, I am able to stand on my own two feet well and use these as tools now, not a panacea. I feel like I am in the first few phases of being awakened rom the Matrix. Pulling out the mechanical cords and seeing life in an entirely new light. Freeing my mind has been more interesting than I thought it'd be. Why has society train the average to be a certain way? and why was I so lucky to break away?
Now, I want to learn all that I can, find True knowledge, master my mind, body, emotions, and spirit. I am eager to join Yoga and gymnastics as soon as possible. Also getting back into MMA would be grand. I bought two oak katanas, which have proven to be able to withstand fierce strikes, the only problem is it is hard to find a teacher/sefu/sensei in my area (youtube videos on this subject blow!), I also bought foam padded nunchakus which I broke? How can I break these by it bouncing of my body, they are pretty padded. I am looking for some B.A. wooden ones. I also purchased a 72inch/6ft White Wax Bo staff. I hit a oak tree as hard as I could baseball bat style, this staff did not even dent, I can't imagine getting hit by it. Mastering these three weapons is one of my primary goals.
I am trying to sell my skateboard or refund it. It was great while I had it, just not for me. I rather snowboard or wakeboard. Stupid cracks and pebbles everywhere got to my wits.
I am also interested in learning a foreign language. Spanish for its practicality, and Japanese for the pleasure. Rosetta stone is a great choice, but I need to buy a headset, my laptop's built in speakers distort my voice causing me to fail non-stop at the quizzes.
Training my brain is crucial right now. My left brain has been throughly tested and should be fit for many years, but my left brain has been ignored beyond reason. I took all math and business classes from 6th grade to my senior year. Calculus is not that bad, but drawing class is a monster.
After watching the Secret, I thought I was a bad person for thinking any negative thoughts. It is good to moniter and steer my train of thought towards positivity, but repressing my negative emotions was the most unhealthy experience of my life. I chatted with my mentor online, I was so angry, frustrated, and depressed. I was being extremely rude and drilling her with questions. I don't know how, but she hit my deepest emotional cord that sent me on a wild ride. Tears streamed down my face for hours. I was paralyzed in rage and sobbing depression. My voice was hoarse, eyes ached, and my knuckles sore. I felt cheated in life. How could my life have such a downward spiral? Why did it take so long to get help? Being grateful and forgiving is something I am still working at.
For some reason a couple weeks ago, whenever I looked at somebody, whatever they were doing or talking about stopped when my eye-contact hit. I felt alpha, but not welcoming at all. I was doing my best to feel warm and inviting, but it didn't work. My eyes speak a thousand words, but are those words what I want to use? I am so quiet, I have hardly spoke more than 20 words to anybody except a couple. I am fully capable of talking on hours on end, it's just I don't want to. With anybody. I just want to enjoy total silence while having a good time with others. I have a lot of sadness that I still need to flush out. Maybe people can see deep into my soul, but I cannot seem to see anything into others. Why is that? Are their windows fogged up?
I recently watched a video, where the man asked, "What makes you wake up in the morning?" The only thing I could think of is a brighter future. I been stuck in the rut for so long, I just need to get out. I just have to come up with $7,000 to $8,000 and my dream is mine. My house, my neighborhood, my street, my sub-division, my city, and even my state feels toxic. I was not meant to live in the Midwest. I need to live near the ocean, the sea, and flowing streams. Not a densely wooded area full of old people and extremely conservative families.
I am going to purge all my bad habits and become the best version of myself I ever thought possible!
When I first heard about affirmations and subliminals, my mouth watered with desire with a piercing smell of neediness which also gave birth to Insecurity. I saw these two tools as my only way out, my only shot at redemption. While, that may have been the case, I am able to stand on my own two feet well and use these as tools now, not a panacea. I feel like I am in the first few phases of being awakened rom the Matrix. Pulling out the mechanical cords and seeing life in an entirely new light. Freeing my mind has been more interesting than I thought it'd be. Why has society train the average to be a certain way? and why was I so lucky to break away?
Now, I want to learn all that I can, find True knowledge, master my mind, body, emotions, and spirit. I am eager to join Yoga and gymnastics as soon as possible. Also getting back into MMA would be grand. I bought two oak katanas, which have proven to be able to withstand fierce strikes, the only problem is it is hard to find a teacher/sefu/sensei in my area (youtube videos on this subject blow!), I also bought foam padded nunchakus which I broke? How can I break these by it bouncing of my body, they are pretty padded. I am looking for some B.A. wooden ones. I also purchased a 72inch/6ft White Wax Bo staff. I hit a oak tree as hard as I could baseball bat style, this staff did not even dent, I can't imagine getting hit by it. Mastering these three weapons is one of my primary goals.
I am trying to sell my skateboard or refund it. It was great while I had it, just not for me. I rather snowboard or wakeboard. Stupid cracks and pebbles everywhere got to my wits.
I am also interested in learning a foreign language. Spanish for its practicality, and Japanese for the pleasure. Rosetta stone is a great choice, but I need to buy a headset, my laptop's built in speakers distort my voice causing me to fail non-stop at the quizzes.
Training my brain is crucial right now. My left brain has been throughly tested and should be fit for many years, but my left brain has been ignored beyond reason. I took all math and business classes from 6th grade to my senior year. Calculus is not that bad, but drawing class is a monster.
After watching the Secret, I thought I was a bad person for thinking any negative thoughts. It is good to moniter and steer my train of thought towards positivity, but repressing my negative emotions was the most unhealthy experience of my life. I chatted with my mentor online, I was so angry, frustrated, and depressed. I was being extremely rude and drilling her with questions. I don't know how, but she hit my deepest emotional cord that sent me on a wild ride. Tears streamed down my face for hours. I was paralyzed in rage and sobbing depression. My voice was hoarse, eyes ached, and my knuckles sore. I felt cheated in life. How could my life have such a downward spiral? Why did it take so long to get help? Being grateful and forgiving is something I am still working at.
For some reason a couple weeks ago, whenever I looked at somebody, whatever they were doing or talking about stopped when my eye-contact hit. I felt alpha, but not welcoming at all. I was doing my best to feel warm and inviting, but it didn't work. My eyes speak a thousand words, but are those words what I want to use? I am so quiet, I have hardly spoke more than 20 words to anybody except a couple. I am fully capable of talking on hours on end, it's just I don't want to. With anybody. I just want to enjoy total silence while having a good time with others. I have a lot of sadness that I still need to flush out. Maybe people can see deep into my soul, but I cannot seem to see anything into others. Why is that? Are their windows fogged up?
I recently watched a video, where the man asked, "What makes you wake up in the morning?" The only thing I could think of is a brighter future. I been stuck in the rut for so long, I just need to get out. I just have to come up with $7,000 to $8,000 and my dream is mine. My house, my neighborhood, my street, my sub-division, my city, and even my state feels toxic. I was not meant to live in the Midwest. I need to live near the ocean, the sea, and flowing streams. Not a densely wooded area full of old people and extremely conservative families.
I am going to purge all my bad habits and become the best version of myself I ever thought possible!
Live your life the way YOU desire
