06-16-2011, 01:48 AM
Oddly, today was probably one of the best days of my life. I started out waking up as usual. But I had this strong urge to get stuff done. Finished all my chores with 15 minutes (Much faster than normal), and felt like that was nothing. I made some calls about getting a job. I was slightly irritated that I was being put off continually by this one company. I left to go pick-up applications from wherever I could see myself working. The first location I went to the manager was a real assh*le. He said I was lazy for starting this late and wouldn't find anything job available. Instead of getting upset, I felt this strong surge of motivation coarse threw my veins. I was so angry that this guy thought he could affect my reality. This is my world, my reality, my rules. I spent 3 hours on hardcore searching. I actually found some pretty awesome places to work for that need some help! 
imagine that.
I decided to quit going to my youth group, because I am two months away from my age cut-off, but the information about going to the Midnight showing of the Green Lantern was tonight. So I stuck with it this last time. The night was much better than most. Although, this one guy was hella disrespectful. I nearly hit him, but I gained my cool back very quick. The glare I gave him was clearly understood. Disrespect is ranked #1 on my pet peeves. I could hate everything about a person, but if they show me respect, I can deal with them (one of my old co-workers lol).
The two biggest things happened tonight. Both have many parallels.
1) One of my friends with benefits (one of my ex-girlfriends). Texted me out of the blue, asking if to get together. I asked her to join with me to sneak into the water park. She flipped out and went into one of her psychotic jealousy episodes. I cheated on her when I dated her because we lived kinda far apart during high school and didn't see each other much anymore. Every time I see her, she will ask me at least 5 times how many girls have I been with since the last time I've seen her. She is the most jealous person I've ever met. I told her I know who I am and I do not care what anybody else thinks of me. If I want to see multiple women non-exclusively, I'll do it with zero inhibitions. Nobody is going to tie me down. I do what I want, when I want.
The next was all my life, I believed I had to fit a cookie cutter mold of what I wanted to be. It all started around before 6th grade. I decided if I wanted to be cool, I had to become a prep. I had my mom buy me all the clothes, I hung out with all the preppy kids, and adopted the attitude. At the same time I was a computer nerd which conflicted big time. This trend ended the end of freshman year. I moved to a new state, my parents separated, all before freshman year of high school. I hated my life and anybody in my life with a raw burning passion. I became the emo-loner football player. I was talented, but had no motivation to show it off. I was quite the ladies man, but I was so angry I blew everybody off. This had some insane repercussions. I attracted my own hell. Since my previous mold didn't work. I went with the mysterious tough guy. The one that did not talk much, but people secretly liked and respected. I also got into the community around the same time, which f*cked up my game with women. I felt so unnatural using all the bullsh*t techniques. Now, I have pretty much purged all unwanted behavior patterns. Still working on this though. One of my favorite quotes is, "Great things take time." I've been getting into Anime lately. Some old shows I use to watch are now at my disposal to buy. I was looking up the best scenes of this certain show, and this song chose by author, is the best. Dancing for Rain by Rise Against. Made me think I bought so many songs just cause a certain group thought mainstream was popular. In reality, there are ungodly amounts of artists and groups that put the mainstream in absolute shame.
I can be whoever I want. Any combination of any group. Sad to say I learned this at age 18, but better late than never. I am free to be me. I know who I am, and who I want to become. I guess that is one reason I do not want to get my Bachelor's Degree or MBA. I don't want to end up working in an office job that sucks. I want to live on my terms and nobody else's. I would hate to wake up as some Corporate's highly paid slave doing day-in and day-out boring tasks. I know I've always been different from the rest, but now it is all making more and more sense.
I am sure to find great success. I feel original for once. I am deleting my quotes until I think of a few of my own. I want my key sayings to be mine, and nobody elses, especially trend words. I hope the days to come are augmented versions of today.
imagine that.I decided to quit going to my youth group, because I am two months away from my age cut-off, but the information about going to the Midnight showing of the Green Lantern was tonight. So I stuck with it this last time. The night was much better than most. Although, this one guy was hella disrespectful. I nearly hit him, but I gained my cool back very quick. The glare I gave him was clearly understood. Disrespect is ranked #1 on my pet peeves. I could hate everything about a person, but if they show me respect, I can deal with them (one of my old co-workers lol).
The two biggest things happened tonight. Both have many parallels.
1) One of my friends with benefits (one of my ex-girlfriends). Texted me out of the blue, asking if to get together. I asked her to join with me to sneak into the water park. She flipped out and went into one of her psychotic jealousy episodes. I cheated on her when I dated her because we lived kinda far apart during high school and didn't see each other much anymore. Every time I see her, she will ask me at least 5 times how many girls have I been with since the last time I've seen her. She is the most jealous person I've ever met. I told her I know who I am and I do not care what anybody else thinks of me. If I want to see multiple women non-exclusively, I'll do it with zero inhibitions. Nobody is going to tie me down. I do what I want, when I want.
The next was all my life, I believed I had to fit a cookie cutter mold of what I wanted to be. It all started around before 6th grade. I decided if I wanted to be cool, I had to become a prep. I had my mom buy me all the clothes, I hung out with all the preppy kids, and adopted the attitude. At the same time I was a computer nerd which conflicted big time. This trend ended the end of freshman year. I moved to a new state, my parents separated, all before freshman year of high school. I hated my life and anybody in my life with a raw burning passion. I became the emo-loner football player. I was talented, but had no motivation to show it off. I was quite the ladies man, but I was so angry I blew everybody off. This had some insane repercussions. I attracted my own hell. Since my previous mold didn't work. I went with the mysterious tough guy. The one that did not talk much, but people secretly liked and respected. I also got into the community around the same time, which f*cked up my game with women. I felt so unnatural using all the bullsh*t techniques. Now, I have pretty much purged all unwanted behavior patterns. Still working on this though. One of my favorite quotes is, "Great things take time." I've been getting into Anime lately. Some old shows I use to watch are now at my disposal to buy. I was looking up the best scenes of this certain show, and this song chose by author, is the best. Dancing for Rain by Rise Against. Made me think I bought so many songs just cause a certain group thought mainstream was popular. In reality, there are ungodly amounts of artists and groups that put the mainstream in absolute shame.
I can be whoever I want. Any combination of any group. Sad to say I learned this at age 18, but better late than never. I am free to be me. I know who I am, and who I want to become. I guess that is one reason I do not want to get my Bachelor's Degree or MBA. I don't want to end up working in an office job that sucks. I want to live on my terms and nobody else's. I would hate to wake up as some Corporate's highly paid slave doing day-in and day-out boring tasks. I know I've always been different from the rest, but now it is all making more and more sense.
I am sure to find great success. I feel original for once. I am deleting my quotes until I think of a few of my own. I want my key sayings to be mine, and nobody elses, especially trend words. I hope the days to come are augmented versions of today.
Live your life the way YOU desire
