Concious and Unconcious effort journal

[batman]

@ spiral

damn right im straight man. and its not like im a hater on gay people, their fun to play around. but once they got touchy - touchy with me that whats turn me off...once an gay dude trying to hit me in a club, and suddenly he kissed me. man, that night was horrible. and i also had gay dude ask me to f**k em, told me to try it atleast once. man...that gay dude has balls...and off course i decline that generous offer anyway...

recap, ive been listening to alpha for 2 weeks now. ive been really busy with my work lately and i didnt have the chance to listening to my BASE and ultra success...so sad. with women, currently i dont have success with them, because of the caged animal syndrome...i tend to stay at home, just working out and focus on my job. but im felt lonely not feeling any love from some women...there is a conflict in my mind between getting a girl friend while waiting for the alpha to kick in at stage 5-6. and im horny 24/7 and release it all in front of the computer...man this sucks.

ok last night i went to the club, and i found that i dont like the environment of certain club. in my country, its legal for smoking inside the club. so, i went to this small club yesterday and it was full of smoke, youll cry to tears after 10 minutes entering it. i was barely survive that place, although i was a heavy smoker before...now turn to light smoker , thank you gentlemen...
and i found my self making eye contact with some cute women, i knew they want me, they even bring themselves close to me and looks away when i see 'em. the girl was infront of me, looking away and dancin trying to get me hot and all...but this body just freeze...all i can do was watching.....

then i bounce to other club, i was feeling bad because i didnt talk to any girls, and then i try to have revenge on other club.
when i entered, the club was packed, and it was full of classy, sassy women. i went to talk to this 10, and they were laughing at me for talking to me...i just laughed and felt sad at the same time. after that approach, i didnt approach any women at all..

im very needy for women touch right now, and it shows last night when i went to a club. i can tell that women felt it miles away. the good part is, im focus on my job, passion starts to show up and i enjoy this feeling. a thought of "women are distraction" shows up quite often in this past 1 week.

thats the recap for this week, and boy how i missed cuddling...

---

ow...last night i got this really weird dreams. i mean crazy bananna weird dream,
i was in a club and i got this milf that like me and wont leave me alone.
while i was trying to get away from her, suddenly i feel this feeling of i want to pee.
without any hesitation, i pee on my dreams and watching my jeans soaking wet...it felt gewd...
then i woke up and i found stains on my boxer...last night wet dream wasnt fun at all...

[ronatello]

then i bounce to other club, i was feeling bad because i didnt talk to any girls, and then i try to have revenge on other club.
when i entered, the club was packed, and it was full of classy, sassy women. i went to talk to this 10, and they were laughing at me for talking to me...i just laughed and felt sad at the same time. after that approach, i didnt approach any women at all..

That's why I strongly dislike direct approaches to women. And that's why Cory stresses eye game. Let 'em come to you... THEN talk to them.

[Spiral]

Yea, what Ronatello said. Just focus on yourself and do what you want to do. Don't feel like you have to approach any woman to feel good. Just know deep down all the women want you. Make some eye contact with every woman in the club and do it a couple of times while looking over the crowd. Maybe go play some pool.. or just go out on the dance floor and just chill and let loose. Don't get crazy if you don't want but just loosen up and bob your head and sing. Don't be afraid to do that stuff. I garuntee you within 5 minutes all those girls that you made eye contact with will follow you onto the dance floor and dance around you. Then all you gotta do is move your body a little more and very calmy position your self closer to the one you desire. They will notice and move closer and before you know it you two will be dancing together.

[batman]

hahahah, its been a month since i post in this forum. so ill give a brief information hows alpha male workin in my life. last week i think is the worst day of my life. i had a big fight with my parents because i said to them that i hate them and they raise me wrong all my life. and i blame them for all the bad things hapened in my life...after that i realized and i apologized to them.

i dont see any luck with having women coming to my life, but im grateful that i hook up with my friend with benefit. So i dont feel needy everytime. and im focusing on my work all this time.

When the resistance came, my whole day is ruined. but im trying to push through everytime it hapened. i had a revelation everytime the resistance is over, such as 'success people focus on their goal no matter what', for me, i used to be a cry baby, i used to make excuses for not doing things whenever i dont 'feel good'.

well, i guess thats it for today. i just finished stage 1 and now continueing on stage 2 on this date and finished on 7th april.

[batman]

i am one week through stage 2 so here is the quick update.

ive been staying at home forever and i dont think about women that much. all i do is work, work ,work. i dont go out in weekends because i dont have friends that i can connect to anymore. i had lots of negative friends who do drugs and they do it quite often and im not happy with this environment anymore. and right now im strugling finding new friends because i the idea of its gonna be a lot of hardwork and i rather stay at home. i told myself to stop going to clubs because the clubs is filled with bad girls and i dont want bad girls. so this past weeks i only go out to yoga class where there are many healthy good looking women. but overall since there was no interaction in my social life, i felt lonely everytime. not having someone to share feelings and experience is bad for my health.

i read ben's journal that he experience the dark side of his side on the stage 2 and i experience the same. i became a jerk at some point where i pull my middle finger to someone while im driving because he was horned me at an intersection for not driving really fast. and this thing frigthen me very much cuz the guy got angry and chase me. lol. i never done anything like this in my life, and i often visualize my self doing bad things to people who didnt respect me, and its really easy for me to feel angry these days.

well thats the quick post for my AM11 stage 2.

[Spiral]

sometimes feel anger towards others who really disrespect you is normal. It's just hard to control those thoughts and feelings. You are making good progress though! I don't know how long youve known those old friends but letting go of them is the best thing you can do.

I moved to this new area about 9 months ago and i still havent made friends. Except from work. It is hard but it can be done. It just requires you going out and doing things. Try becoming friends with some people at your work place. You never know.. you might be invited to a party or get together. it's ok to feel lonely if you do feel lonely go out to a pub or go play some pool at a bar. don't worry too much about socializing.. just relax and simply be you. Just do your best not to think about "I want to find a woman" or "I want to make some new friends" and indulge in it. Just make sure you are open to the possibility.

[Spiral]

Also don't be afraid to make eye contact and smiling at others.

[batman]

thanks spiral, im afraid to go out alone because i had the belief of if you go out alone, then you are a loser. lol...conciously speaking i KNOW that when you have the balls to go out alone you are one rare breed my friend. but sadly my subconcious still afraid of being told a loser by other people. but thanks a lot spiral, having someone that supports me is something that i need right now. and i just realized now, that the forum are here to support me in achieving my goals. i used to think that the forum are here to share result but never giving support and i really thank shannon and others for having this forum.

[Spiral]

dude honestly.. going out alone means you got some balls. But if you do hang around a bar by yourself sitting in the corner then people will think you are a loser. What I find the easiest thing to do is let loose and dance.. or go play pool and casually start some playful trash talking.

[Shannon]

Yes, the forums are for research, but they're also to show people that what we offer actually does work, you don't need to take our word for it. We also want you guys to feel a sense of community and enjoy sharing your experiences with each other.

[batman]

yeyy...the resistance over this morning. since listening to subs, i can tell whether the day is a resistance kind of day or euphoric go getter day and that based on my feeling after i woke up.
if its resistance day, i feel all this lazy feelin, or a feeling of un-easy in my chest like something is stuck there and i cant get it out. but when its euphoric kinda day, i felt it in my head where everything is clear like everyone else.

but sometimes the resistance can turn around into a feel good day if there was a inspiring event happened in that day. like this morning i felt bad about my day since i woke up late for work. then i read the news about japanese people that strugling with current natural disaster. the news said that the japanese never ever whining about what happened to them. the believe of never giving up were seeded ever since they were litle by the parents. and i stood there like a crybaby whining about my day gone bad because of the resistance while the japanese experiencing 1.000.000x pain more than me and not whining about it. and i got my revelation there...then the day change from there...and just by writing this post...i think the resistance can change when theres gratitude...
well, i might try that one when the resistance come in the future...overall today is a great day.

[Spiral]

You got it bud. Resistance can be dampened by the thoughts of gratitude. Just relax and think about how privileged you are.

[batman]

yea spiral, i wish i can feel like this everyday. the feeling is soo euphoric and the feeling of nothing can stop you for getting what you want. its simply amazing...

[batman]

Im 6 days left on stage 2 AM11 this week, and i felt shitty in the past two weeks and ussualy on every weekend. the reason is because i dont think i just lost my best friend because hes married, and now im left alone with no one to talk to. although in reality there are many other that i can go to and socialize with, but i kinda stuck with this guy. and im still trying to let go and accept this feeling for a while now.

so, just like what spiral told me to not give up on this journey of AM11, I've been going out for the last two weeks trying socializing. i went out on a date with friend of mine that i kinda like to club this friday and i felt anxiety in my body the whole night. we were talking and dancing the whole night, i knew she wanted me, but i just to scared to make the move. my mind was telling me about how i am gonna get rejected and she will laughed at me. oh my god i felt like a wussy for not being able to be a man and not caring anything. shes also my friend from salsa class that i joined a couple of months ago and i stopped because i certain reason.

currently i really dont like my social life at the moment. social life had been my biggest problem since i was a child. and up until now i thought that my only last chance is in AM11. if this thing doesnt work, i dont know what im gonna do with my social life. maybe i just get some ordinary girl and get a generic life like other wussy in this world and live miserably...

i hate my social life, i hate going out alone, i hate have to wait for another 4 months for AM11 to finished, i hate that im such a wussy, i hate it because im lonely, i hate that i never been able to hook up with a girl that i like, the girl of my choosing.

i just want to blame life at the moment, i know only wimp do that but i dont care. im done sitting at home and waiting for another 4 months for AM11 to help me solve my social life problem. im starting my cory skyy routine again for the next 6 months. i want result right away, and the only thing it will happened in short time is by doing cory's routine.