EHPRA Journal

[dissonance]

Good post.

[Multiworld]

Actually, OF implemented into WM2 works amazingly! Smile I`ve no aproach anxiety at all and don`t feel any social anxiety, I feel so powerful and natural, even when someone want to disrespect me or laugh at me.

That's good to know, before you started WM2 how were those things? (approach anxiety and social anxiety).

I wasn`t so confident and natural in interactions, also I wans`t so confident when I was conversing with women and now I can approach any woman without any hesitation and talk with her very easily.

Actually, I`ll post this info into my thread.

This is great news Voytek, I think 96 days of OF 5G and 96 days of Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid 2.0 5G will set the stage for me to use AM in 2016,I'm ready!

[mat422]

Things took a turn for the worst these past few days. I'm back to procrastinating a lot on stuff and dealing with a ton of anxiety. Which happens. There's a lot of ups and downs when it comes to self growth. But it got me thinking about how my standards are just way too high for myself and that's part of the reason why I've got so much anxiety around the creative process.

It's this all or nothing thinking that brings me down a lot. So I'll make a track and it's alright, nothing that great but I sort of enjoy it. Compare it to one of my favorite artists and immediately my track just sounds like garbage. It's like I'm incapable of giving myself any validation for actually finishing a song or putting something together. It's either amazing or it's worthless. This pretty much creates the mentality of "if I can't make anything good, why bother?" But I have to fight through it and create anyway because I know I do enjoy music.

Maybe that's where the fear is coming from. I'm so afraid of the finished product because it rarely ever measures up to what I want it to be, so I avoid finishing something to avoid that feeling.

Dammit. I'm gonna be flip flopping on the self esteem vs fear thing here, but I'm considering going back to EHPRA.

Screw it. I'm going back to EHRPA. Now my journal title is inaccurate.

Anyway nobody wants to admit they've got low self worth, but I guess I'm still struggling with that a lot and it would be better for me to address that instead of fear. Fear sucks, but I'm starting to see that fear is always around when my self worth as a person is threatened. And if I had high self worth to begin with I don't think I would have fear.

[eternity]

NOOOOOOOOOO MAT don't give in to the resistance!!!!!!! continue with the OF!!!!

it may seem counter intuitive but EMBRACE the suck! the most growth happens when you come out of the horrible slump you're in, as hard as it is to see it while you're going through it!

if for nothing else, then do it at least to contribute to the other guys on here who would benefit from your experience

[mat422]

NOOOOOOOOOO MAT don't give in to the resistance!!!!!!! continue with the OF!!!!

it may seem counter intuitive but EMBRACE the suck! the most growth happens when you come out of the horrible slump you're in, as hard as it is to see it while you're going through it!

if for nothing else, then do it at least to contribute to the other guys on here who would benefit from your experience

It may not be resistance. If you read Shannon's post about the spiderweb theory, sometimes these problems are interconnected and need to be taken out at the same time. I merely noticed another potential piece of the puzzle that needs to be addressed and I'm changing my plan of action. If I stuck with OF I wouldn't be tackling the right issues.

It's alright, it's not that drastic of a change. EHPRA has OGSF in it, so I'm still tackling the fear.

If anything this is an important message for a lot of guys doing subs. It's not always resistance. Sometimes you need to reevaluate and not be afraid to do something different.

The problem is there is a fine line between your mind wanting to avoid a subliminal and move onto something else vs your mind indicating that it needs something else. After briefly switching to EHPRA today I can honestly say it's brought up more of those crappy feelings than OF 4G which shows there is a lot more potential benefit with it.

Sorry to abandon ship so early on OF, but I gotta do what's best for me.

[eternity]

if you say so, sir, i'll take your word on it.

[dissonance]

Maybe that's where the fear is coming from. I'm so afraid of the finished product because it rarely ever measures up to what I want it to be, so I avoid finishing something to avoid that feeling.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by that. I just came across this video, and you MUST watch it. The person who I got it from said he considers it his #1 best piece of advice, and I can totally relate as to why.

https://www.facebook.com/DJZackEdward/vi...603486104/

[mat422]

if you say so, sir, i'll take your word on it.

I appreciate the support though. Thanks.

Maybe that's where the fear is coming from. I'm so afraid of the finished product because it rarely ever measures up to what I want it to be, so I avoid finishing something to avoid that feeling.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by that. I just came across this video, and you MUST watch it. The person who I got it from said he considers it his #1 best piece of advice, and I can totally relate as to why.

https://www.facebook.com/DJZackEdward/vi...603486104/

Love that piece of advice. I've actually had that as my desktop background on my computer for a while now. It's been really inspiring for me.

[mat422]

So switching to EHPRA was the right call for me. This sub has been pulling up a lot of emotional pain that I've suppressed. I've realized now that my past run with EHPRA wasn't as successful because I was cutting off the healing process by intellectualizing what I was feeling too much instead of just allowing myself to feel it and let it go.

I've noticed in the brief time I've been running it I can focus better and I'm not dealing with that persistent feeling of anxiety. Which helps me actually get stuff done so I'm not feeling guilty for not doing what I need to do. Kind of feels like switching rails on a railroad car. Before I was all scatterbrained and focused on what's going wrong, but now I'm more focused on what I can do to get myself out of my situation.

I didn't feel it before, but 5G subliminals really are in a league of their own. I don't want to say they force the changes upon you, but it really bridges that gap between the conscious and subconscious agreement to make changes.

[mat422]

Like you, I also followed my intuition, and just ran WM2 even though most guys would probably say to run alpha again instead.

Lets see if our intuition was right.


Stay frosted my friends

We will see. My intuition is usually right when it comes to these things.

---

Just some random thoughts probably being brought up by this sub.

It's just all about life in general. Like you ever just watch a busy street with cars whizzing by and wonder where everyone is going? What they're doing? Whether they are happy in life? Or it's sunday and you've got work the next day and when 4pm hits you get nauseous at the thought of going back? Or you're meeting new people for the first time and they ask you that question "what do you do?" and it feels like they are asking more about your status in society than yourself as a person.

It's just those moments in life when I get a peak behind the curtain and ask myself why is it like this? And it's not existential dread. I don't need purpose to be happy. But it's almost like a feeling of not having free will because there's already a system in place. And I don't know what to do to get out of it. Or rather I do know, but I don't have the confidence or belief in myself to achieve what I want. I don't want money or material things, I just want to live in this world fully as myself and be happy with that. But that's pretty much been the hardest goal for me to achieve so far.

To live with full authenticity, unashamed of who I am, I feel like that would make living in this world a lot easier.

[mat422]

Not much to show yet, but I'm still making progress. A lot of this stuff is just all internal, the outward results don't really manifest themselves unless I make a huge breakthrough.

Still struggling with social anxiety. I just care too much what people think of me. But I feel like it's more of a case of projection and whenever I interact with someone I feel like they can see these flaws and think I'm a loser. That just really reflects back to my self esteem if anything.

Went to a party and got hammered. That was pretty much my only goal. Everyone always likes me more when I'm drunk, which sucks. Also for some reason I'm better at super smash bros melee when I'm not sober. Anyway it was fun, but I really want to get to a point where I can have that good of a time without alcohol. It's a dangerous road when you just start drinking so you can blend in socially.

Had a moment of clarity with my music. This whole time I really wanted to get signed to a label or have people like my music which essentially put me at the mercy of other people's judgements which sucks. That's not why I got into music. Somewhere along the way I got caught up in what I should do and not what I want to do. And part of that was holding onto music as a form of validation instead of creative expression. So I'd be afraid of making mistakes or making music that was different than the artists I look up to. But music is like your personality, you can't really change it and it's better to go with what you feel than try to be something you aren't. Also I've been working on a track and I'm going with my intuition more and finding it's better if I take all the thinking out of making my music and just trust myself.

Also I've got a bad habit of eating sweets. Comfort food. I'm not fat or anything, but I know sugar contributes to my anxiety. So for my overall health I've decided to cut it out as much as possible. Also have to start working out again. Just have to find something I can stick with. Weight lifting isn't really for me, so I might just do bodyweight stuff.

[dissonance]

Your 4th paragraph is very accurate. No one gets big by copying or emulating. Of course you will have influences and certain sounds/rhythms/instruments influenced from different artists or styles, but the main difference is what intention and purpose you chose to have that in your own track. I used to think to myself a lot, "ok how do i make this part here attractive to the mainstream or public; what sound would be best here, how would people react best to this section right here", but nah, what you really gotta do is just do exactly how you hear it would want to hear it. One thing that's obviously important is to build your "taste" by listening a lot, and not just to one genre, but other genres of electronic music and music in general as well (if you want to be innovative).

Oliver Heldens talks about something similar in his situation in this video here. https://www.facebook.com/OliverHeldens/v...nref=story

I totally get what you're saying too about afraid of making stuff people don't like. We have good taste, otherwise we wouldn't be into making music. Make the music that your heart sings and you'll succeed.

wooo!!!

[mat422]

Your 4th paragraph is very accurate. No one gets big by copying or emulating. Of course you will have influences and certain sounds/rhythms/instruments influenced from different artists or styles, but the main difference is what intention and purpose you chose to have that in your own track. I used to think to myself a lot, "ok how do i make this part here attractive to the mainstream or public; what sound would be best here, how would people react best to this section right here", but nah, what you really gotta do is just do exactly how you hear it would want to hear it. One thing that's obviously important is to build your "taste" by listening a lot, and not just to one genre, but other genres of electronic music and music in general as well (if you want to be innovative).

Oliver Heldens talks about something similar in his situation in this video here. https://www.facebook.com/OliverHeldens/v...nref=story

I totally get what you're saying too about afraid of making stuff people don't like. We have good taste, otherwise we wouldn't be into making music. Make the music that your heart sings and you'll succeed.

wooo!!!

Yeah I've been trying to listen to more music outside of my genre. Actually was listening to some Jimi Hendrix the other day and it gave me some ideas for a track. It's cool how you can pull different ideas from different genres.

Thanks for the video. It's always nice seeing the thought process behind some of the really good producers.

True. I love music. I just have to let more of myself into my own music and stop being afraid.

---

I was listening to EHPRA all day today because I feel like sometimes daytime listening allows me to catch when I'm resisting or avoiding things. And I realized there's a lot in my past as a child that I haven't resolved. I kind of just swept it all under the rug and said well I'm an adult now and the past is the past so it can't affect me. But I've been getting flashbacks to my childhood. I realized that despite no major trauma in my life, there was a lot of hardship I faced. A lot of fear and feeling isolated, and feeling different from a lot of other kids. Just a never ending stream of that constant anxiety that I feel to this day. I was terrified of speaking out in class, but was essentially bullied into doing it by teachers in the hopes they could mold me into something I wasn't.

I don't know how far back it goes, but it amazes me at such a young age I was experiencing these terrible feelings. And now just acknowledging that I did face some amount of hardship instead of brushing it off as a normal childhood is bringing up a lot of emotion that I haven't dealt with before with this sub. In a way I've been avoiding this for a long time. And I still have to fight the urge to bury it again and ignore it.

[mat422]

So I've noticed when I listen to this sub I sort of zone out a bit. I'm starting to wonder if this a defense mechanism that I need to address. A lot of the times in my life when bad stuff happens or I'm dealing with really stressful circumstances I have a bad habit of checking out mentally. I'll put things off and avoid them while everything falls apart. Essentially abandoning responsibility in the hopes that it magically will fix it itself. Stupid I know.

But I'm wondering if I'm doing the same thing when it comes to the internal stuff I have to address and move on from. So for example, my subconscious basically points towards an issue that needs resolution and my immediate conscious response is to sort of dissociate. Which I call letting go. The problem is this generates a false sense of peace, where I sort of numb myself out to the problems but they don't gain resolution.

Basically it all boils down to a really really bad habit of avoiding everything that brings me any sort of conflict. It's not healthy because we live in a world full of conflicts and problems and if I can't get a grip on facing these things without pulling back into my shell I'm screwed. At this point I guess I've realized the sub can only do so much and if I keep avoiding what it brings up or presents to me that's something that's hindering my growth.

Come to think of it this is what I usually did when my parents fought when I was a kid. I'm starting to wonder if that's where it started. I learned that if I sort of checked out, unsolvable conflict went away and it just spiraled into something much worse from there as I got older and started using it on everything I found uncomfortable.