AM6

[eternity]

stage 4 day 2


As I was driving home from spring branch today, I pulled up to a stop light and some blonde girl in the car next to me waved, and smiled widely. I reciprocated and waved back.. Not entirely sure if she was in the meeting I was in, but I didn't really recognize her.. AND I had left 20 min after the meeting ended so it's apt to be more than a coincidence. I think my aura is starting to develop. Lol

[Shannon]

A bit of advice. Asking her when you're going out on a date is giving her the power. Don't ask her when.

When I want to out with a woman, I'll usually do this:

First I think of what movies are playing, or whatever I want to do on the date. Then I figure out the details and set everything up. Then I mention to her that I am going out to XYZ tonight. If she is the playful type, I'll be playful with her and turn it into a game. Say something like, "I hope you're not late for our date tonight." Assuming the date. Done properly, this can be fun and funny for you both, even if she is not interested, cannot, will not, etc.

If I am not sure she would respond to that approach well, I might say something like, "I'm going to dinner and a movie tonight." At this point, you also have two options. Option one is, be playfully ridiculous. Talk about your hot date, and then "accidentally" reveal that you're going on a date ith yourself. Then say that she should come along, just as a chaperone. Or something she will find amusing. It depends on the woman, and the circumstances, of course. The idea is to approach with her having fun with it, and without any pressure on her or you. If she cannot, will not, etc. you go do whatever you had planned without her. Or not. Nobody cares.

The other option I sometimes use is, mention that you're going out to do XYZ tonight, and say, "You should come with." Again, this is low to no pressure, and if she can't who cares? You had plans before she entered the picture, right? I usually use this one after spending some time talking with her and letting her get to know me, or get comfortable with me.

If she shoots me down, hard, I disqualify her and drop it. If she seems like she wants to, but can't, or isn't comfortable enough, I'll say, "Well maybe next time." and perhaps try again in a week.

In no case should you ever give her the power to decide when she's going out on a date by asking her when, because then she has too much power in the equation. It leads to disinterest on her part, because you're supposed to be the leader, and leaders lead, they don't ask. From there, things can get awkward fast.

[eternity]

right on thank you very much for that power ful piece of advice Shannon; she's definitely the playful type, which is a huge reason I'm attracted to her. Super jovial and always laughing (very much like myself lol). I'll move forward with your words of wisdom

stage 4 day 4
I had a dream two nights ago that I got bit by a rattle snake on my right foot. I looked it up in dream interpretation guides and it says something about

Resistance to what is perceived as a “temptation” or a situation that challenges your beliefs or values

.

I have controlled my urge for sexual release for 10 days now, (8/9 days at the time of the dream) so my battery is fully charged by now. I'm pretty sure that's what the resistance to temptation deal was all about

The crazy thing is, I hadn't remembered the dream at all until I was talking with a friend at around 9:15 pm and he mentioned something about being bitten by a rattlesnake in a METAPHORIC manner, but it immediately triggered my memory!

Another description was:

Sign that you’re on the verge of a deep personal transformation

Certainly right on time, coinciding with the beginning of stage 4...

I've been practicing "being genuinely interested in others", and along with a piece of advice from geodude, I've noticed the quality of conversations I'm having are way higher. Seeing someone's face light up is an amazing feeling, especially if I helped facilitate it.

I'm also definitely starting to show an internal locus of control as John Alexander's book talked about. I'm glad it was a part of the AM6 program's supplementary reading. I should probably read Double Your Dating now, huh Shannon?... lol..

-------------

[eternity]

Oh yeah, just to update I remembered my dream from last night. I was driving my truck to the beach, and all of a sudden it stopped working while in the middle of a traffic jam. I remember looking in the rear view and seeing lights backed up for hundreds of feet, I was stopping up traffic.... on the beach.. lol and it was raining too.

I tried to start the truck many times, but I wasn't able to start it. It clicked but didn't ignite.

I popped the hood and all of a sudden my buddy J appeared and opened a "hidden" layer below the hood which exposed all the electrical wiring. All the wiring was brand new, but there was a red wire that was snapped clear in half. we disconnected the battery, and tried to connect the two split ends together, but every time it made contact it sent a super shock. even though the battery was disconnected.

remainder of the dream kind of fizzles out of my memory at that point...

[eternity]

negative self talk tried to creep into my head for a bit today. I recognized it immediately, and didn't know how to respond to it. it went away after about 15 minutes, but it was pretty interesting to all of a sudden "relapse" into a previous state of mind for a bit. I'm glad I have the awareness now to discern what it is. but i didn't like being in that state of mind, that's for sure.

[eternity]

stage 4 day 5

I had a very sexual dream about f last night. i guess i was looking at her porn videos or something cause she was a porn star in my dream. my friends were telling me not to hook up with her because she was "dirty" meaning she had a disease.

f was sober for a few months, and m was in my dream too and he was sober in my dream. in real life, we all used to smoke meth together, so it was interesting i dreamt of both of them

I also saw J and I think we started making out in the dream too

---------

Anyway back to reality. Yesterday D came over to the house for the house meeting. we crossed paths at the front door, she was coming out and i was going in. so she blocked me, and i hugged her. she shoved her boobs to my chest (butt outward) and we held each other for like 30 seconds. and she was saying how she had to crouch down because it was weird hugging a guy shorter than her (when in reality she's shorter than me by a couple inches LOL). Excuse to give me boob contact? she has a boyfriend and she's pretty committed to him.

Funny because I've gotten similar boobxperiences quite often in the past week. writing these experiences off as platonic isn't as easy as it was a week or so ago.

I also have this "intuitive" feeling that girls are staring at me a lot these days. I don't consciously see them doing it, but it's like the everfamous feeling you get when someone's watching you type thing. And through the corner of my eye, I feel they're looking at me. It could just be my ego being raised, but it's like a gut level feeling that I'm right. If I try to pin it on coincidence, I'm going to be surprised in two weeks when I find out I'm right all along lol.

AM6 is such a beast. It's hard to imagine that in just 3.5 months, I've grown so much, in an unquantifiable way and it bleeds through my existence. My daily thought patterns and experiences, and reactions/responses to scenarios now are completely natural but they're LIGHT YEARS different than the person I used to be!

UPDATE:

I just got ordered more nootropics from newmind and lift mode. I scraped up some centrophenoxine, sunifiram, huperzine A, and choline bitartate since I ran out of my alpha GPC finally.

I took a little bit (recommended dose) of each of the 4, and I can feel a heightened sense of awareness. I mainly got it so I can focus more and be more energized, but the added benefit could be that it would help the subs be more effectively ingrained into my neural pathways ))))

[eternity]

stage 4 day 9

Dreamtime:
Three nights in a row I had drug/drinking dreams. They were intense, and every night I woke up freaked out, hoping I didn't drink or drug. Is the dream communicating something to me? It's been 3 nights in a row. Maybe the dreams have something to do with the next sentence:

------------------------
I've relapsed into needy behavior. I found myself texting girls to find comfort in the attention I'm getting by them. I manifested a completely backwards behavior. It's been a few days that I've been like this; I'd say since around Wednesday of last week.

I think I've fallen into the trap thinking it's all about the women. AM6 is supposed to be training me to be comfortable with me, and facilitate growth within myself and for myself; not for anybody else.

In other words, it ain't about the bitches. it's about me.

In other news, I'm about 1/3 of the way done with How to win friends and influence people. Maniac, if you're reading this.... a lot of the first part of the book uses political references to state the point. But it only uses the people as reference; it doesn't really involve any sort of political drama, except how the people referenced were able to win friends and influence others.

I get to practice talking to new people every day between 7 pm and 9:30 pm at AA meetings. I've been using what I'm learning from the book, combined with the power of the subs to talk to the new guy who's coming in fresh off the streets, showing him some compassion, and relating and identifying with him. It's cool because I feel a sense of purpose helping out a person who's seemingly hopeless in the state of their mind and body, a state from which I have recovered.

Unfortunately, I've already seen 4 people die this year, so that's hard... the odds are stacked against dopefiends and drunks.

ANYWAY I'm sick AGAIN. I've gotten sick every stage at around the 5th day of starting the stage. WTF is with this? Is physical ailment supposed to be related in some way to resistance? growth? does it mean anything?????

resistance is a bitch

[eternity]

massive resistance the last few days. Feeling like I'm not worthy. Feeling less than. Feeling outcasted. Desire to withdraw into my shell. I could definitely tell this is the way I felt before I started AM6. So in a sick twisted way, I'm glad for this resistance because it reminds me of where I came from! And it's crazy because all that bull crap running in my mind is exactly that: bullcrap. I'm perceiving myself in a false light, based on my own experiences and projecting that aura onto other people in the way I carry myself.

The resistance made me want to run EPRHA after am6 instead of anything else.

It doesn't help that I've been battling myself in my head about leaving my job in hopes of starting my own business. I want to be fully self supporting through MY OWN contributions, which means self employed. That would be a very rash decision, however. The stability I have right now is imperative at this stage of my life. It's too early to shake things up

Will update more later. maybe

[koshas]

stage 4 day 5

I had a very sexual dream about frances last night. i guess i was looking at her porn videos or something cause she was a porn star in my dream. my friends were telling me not to hook up with her because she was "dirty" meaning she had a disease.

frances was sober for a few months, and mikey was in my dream too and he was sober in my dream. in real life, we all used to smoke meth together, so it was interesting i dreamt of both of them

I also saw Janet and I think we started making out in the dream too

---------

Anyway back to reality. Yesterday Danielle came over to the house for the house meeting. we crossed paths at the front door, she was coming out and i was going in. so she blocked me, and i hugged her. she shoved her boobs to my chest (butt outward) and we held each other for like 30 seconds. and she was saying how she had to crouch down because it was weird hugging a guy shorter than her (when in reality she's shorter than me by a couple inches LOL). Excuse to give me boob contact? she has a boyfriend and she's pretty committed to him.

Funny because I've gotten similar boobxperiences quite often in the past week. writing these experiences off as platonic isn't as easy as it was a week or so ago.

I also have this "intuitive" feeling that girls are staring at me a lot these days. I don't consciously see them doing it, but it's like the everfamous feeling you get when someone's watching you type thing. And through the corner of my eye, I feel they're looking at me. It could just be my ego being raised, but it's like a gut level feeling that I'm right. If I try to pin it on coincidence, I'm going to be surprised in two weeks when I find out I'm right all along lol.

AM6 is such a beast. It's hard to imagine that in just 3.5 months, I've grown so much, in an unquantifiable way and it bleeds through my existence. My daily thought patterns and experiences, and reactions/responses to scenarios now are completely natural but they're LIGHT YEARS different than the person I used to be!

UPDATE:

I just got ordered more nootropics from newmind and lift mode. I scraped up some centrophenoxine, sunifiram, huperzine A, and choline bitartate since I ran out of my alpha GPC finally.

I took a little bit (recommended dose) of each of the 4, and I can feel a heightened sense of awareness. I mainly got it so I can focus more and be more energized, but the added benefit could be that it would help the subs be more effectively ingrained into my neural pathways ))))

I use nootropics also I have tried just about all of them.

I try to cycle different ones as to not build up any tolerances.

They help a lot with running subs.

I pretty much run 19-21 hours a day on 2 runs of am.

[eternity]

I'm a huge fan of these, man. I've been using them every day for the past 8 days, and the head pressure from sub use is drastically reduced, i imagine from the choline supplementation. I also find myself a lot more alert, despite being constantly in a haze from sub exhaustion.

I just hope going in overdrive right NOW doesn't come back to bite me during my break from AM6 afterwards, resulting in a rebound crash. lol.


So yeah, as I theorized in a thread in the off-topic area, nootropics definitely help with sub usage, but not in the way I expected. noots allow longer exposure time with less exhaustive effects.

[dissonance]

i use noopept too. And also Pramiracetam. If you haven't heard of Powder City, you should try them. They are the best company I've bought nootropics from. Best price and legit top quality substances. And fast shipping too!

[eternity]

dude now i feel silly for paying so much for my noots with other vendors o_O

[eternity]

quick update. 17 days into stage 4, have bumped my listening to 21 hours yesterday, had 22/23 hours today. I'm quite exhausted now, but it wasn't so bad throughout the day. catman inspired me to do this. i'll pull 23 hours for the next couple days and see how I fare; if it starts getting unbearable, I'll pull back but the noots are definitely helping to make it smoother

[koshas]

Dude it might be easier to ramp up the times gradually.thats what I did.