Smoking sub-take 3-HST-take 1

[Patti]

I had a plan to make a conscious effort to stop smoking on Thursday (day after my birthday), as it to be a good rule of thumb to make it a memorable day. It sounded like a good plan 2 weeks ago but as it gets closer, I’m not so sure.

I have noticed what seems to be little disconnects, like my coffee not tasting as good or alcohol not being appealing.

As hard as it is to try to relax and just let it happen, I get up every morning and wonder if this is the day I just won’t want to smoke or I pray every night that my subconscious will relax enough to let go of the anxiety that quitting (and/or the thought of) is causing.

My stubbornness is not helping my cause.

[Shannon]

Planning far enough in advance to do it gives you the excuse that you have time to talk yourself out of it. lol Tell me more about those little disconnects.

[Patti]

After I wrote that last post, I kept thinking to myself, why wait? So when I ran out of that last electronic I had, I didn’t buy any more. I’m struggling some but trying to take one day at a time.

I’ve been noticing my coffee doesn’t taste as good, which I’m taking as a disconnect, but I will readdress because I’m not giving that up. We tailgate for the football games and Saturday, I went to the liquor store to stock up but nothing sounding good to me. I ended up buying a variety of different choices but only drinking pretty much water the whole time. I don’t really drink all that much anymore anyway, so this is no big deal, but it is noticeable.

We have a Winnebago that we use for tailgating. After being there awhile, I looked up and over the sink was a half pack of the cigarettes I used to smoke. The ones that would make my mouth water and draw me back everytime. It was so strange to see them and not really think anything about them one way or the other. It was just simply, yeah I smoked them before and I don't now, nothing more nothing less. I know that feeling or non-feeling is from the 4g program that I used the first time. There’s only one big difference between then and now which is, then I had something to switch too(the electronic) to use instead of just quitting. And now I’m just stopping altogether with nothing to substitute. Looking back I realized that that transition was so simple, and it’s been at least 6 months since I’ve smoked a regular cigarette. Hopefully the program will kick in quickly this time cause anxiety is the worst.

If I could scale the difference between right now and other times I had stopped, I would say I am just under the threshold of losing the battle. It would be about 49 to 51%, as where the other times were more like 20 to 80%, and I would have lost. As long as the desire decreases every day I’ll be ok. Someone might say, it shouldn’t be this hard with this program, but all I know is that my desire to quit right now is stronger than my desire to smoke, so I’m gonna go with that and see what happens.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Patti, Great progress. This time, is the charm. Keep going, I'm sending good thoughts in your direction.

Love to tailgate with a Winnebago. Seems like only the choice few a.k.a mature, like us, have them now days.

AYD

[Sean]

Patti that is awesome! Your story gives me hope that if I can convince my mom to listen to the subs, she'll kick a 50-year addiction to cigarettes.

[Patti]

Thanks Sean! Yes, you should absolutely try to get her to listen. I like you're enthusiasm, I can almost feel your energy right through the screen as I read your comments on mine and others posts!

Thanks Mr. Ayd! I’m still receiving, so keep sending!!! Lol It may be our age group that own the Winnie’s, but there sure are a lot of youngens that partake in the fun!

I am progressing but I’m not gonna lie, it’s been rough.

But, what I want anyone who is reading this for the benefit of possibly trying the program to know, is that I am battling menopause, along with battling a mid-life what-ever, along with battling my kids are all grown up and now what the hell am I gonna do with the rest of my life?!

And while battling all that and more, I’m quitting smoking. But it’s on my bucket list of need to do things, so I’m doing it.

I stopped this past Monday and I haven’t had any since. The chemical slaughter that was bought on by doing so was nuts. I went through serious bouts of sadness and anxiety. However, looking back, the bouts of sadness were a release. It seems like each day is getting better. I still have stuff that comes up but strangely not too many real urges to smoke. I have had some but they were manageable. I usually use my headphones with the program at those times and it helps some. If I keep busy, that seems to keep the anxiety at bay. The program does feel like it’s pushing me to be busy without the feelings of drudgery to be so. Meaning, I’m getting stuff done even though I don’t always enjoy it but now not minding it so much. I’ve even had bouts of euphoria, not as many as I would like but I’ll take what I can get!

I joined a forum the other day for people quitting smoking (because it helps to hear others having some of the same symptoms going on), and when I’m done with all the stages and if it has done it’s job and I have stopped completely, I’m probably going to try to get the word out more there about this program. I’m not sure what the protocols of that forum are and how much specifics I can give but there’s an awful lot of people on it looking for help. I need to get on there more and start telling my story but this program seems to be keeping my comp time limited lol so it’s working against that goal. But I will get too it.

One strange feeling that I’m having today is that I feel like I’m conceding to the program that it’s won and I’ve lost. I don’t understand why I feel like I’m losing because I’m winning…right?

[Shannon]

[Sean]

Thanks Sean! Yes, you should absolutely try to get her to listen. I like you're enthusiasm, I can almost feel your energy right through the screen as I read your comments on mine and others posts!

I joined a forum the other day for people quitting smoking (because it helps to hear others having some of the same symptoms going on), and when I’m done with all the stages and if it has done it’s job and I have stopped completely, I’m probably going to try to get the word out more there about this program. I’m not sure what the protocols of that forum are and how much specifics I can give but there’s an awful lot of people on it looking for help. I need to get on there more and start telling my story but this program seems to be keeping my comp time limited lol so it’s working against that goal. But I will get too it.

One strange feeling that I’m having today is that I feel like I’m conceding to the program that it’s won and I’ve lost. I don’t understand why I feel like I’m losing because I’m winning…right?

Thank you for the compliment! I do my best to encourage others, paying it forward from my mentor who has done the same for me.

If you recommend it to the other forum, be sure to become an affiliate!

Finally, this reminds me of a theme I've been observing this past week. Between Shannon's post on What-is-not, and the Youtube video on fear from the movie Revolver, and now your post, I need to look at how this applies to me. Fortunately, you can't help others without helping yourself, so this is a purely selfish section of my post. ;-)

The addiction to nicotine has pulled off the top con job in existence: it has tricked you into believing that it is a part of you. It is flailing around, because you are suffocating it of the energy it was taking from you parasitically. So it is losing. It is being reduced to a dust speck, and it is terrified. So it is using your belief that it is a part of you to inject the feelings that you are losing, despite the fact that you are winning.

[Patti]

I will have to figure out how all that affiliate stuff works cause I don't have a clue. But one thing at a time...the program needs to work first.

Feel free to be selfish and post on my thread anytime! lol I'm not lying when I say things like I need all the help or helpful words I can get on this venture. I'm doing it but it's rough.

That last paragraph sounded like it came from the son that Shannon never had haha. I know it's all true but I feel very naked and defenseless.

I am very much struggling. It started Friday and doesn’t seem to be subsiding. At first glance, it would appear to be anxiety but I’m not so sure.

I think that nicotine is, on one level, is an amazing drug. Good, bad or indifferent, it does so many things from relaxation to stimulating and very much in-between. It’s a shame that it so addictive and can’t be used for anything beneficial, or least not that I know of.

One of things that is so noticeable to me whenever I quit and this time is no exception, is that it has the ability to numb emotions that I assume many non-smokers deal with on a day to day basis. They may not and probably doen't even realize it because it’s a natural feeling to them.

But for me, it feels like an sensory overload. Like some flood gate has been opened and I am a magnet for every emotion out there. It sucks! What it seems to equate to for me, is that it makes me feel extremely vulnerable. I think it’s this vulnerable feeling that in the past has beat me down until I relented and smoked. Hopefully, this program will take of it before it becomes more of a problem then it is right now!

[Sean]

First of all, I think I have a few years on Shannon. ;-)

Second, I don't consider nicotine itself to be bad. Rather, I consider being addicted to it, and all of the other chemicals the cigarette manufacturers add, a bad thing. I consider it bad because it suborns your free will, making you a slave to it. I regularly smoke hand-rolled, all-natural cigars myself. I never feel compelled to smoke, and only do it perhaps once a month.

Big Tobacco* has been approved by the FDA to add over 599 additives to cigarettes, as listed here.

There are many benefits from regular tobacco, which are documented on other websites. I'm not here to sell you on my viewpoint. For further reading, I suggest researching Dr. William Douglass, seeing what he has to say, and making up your own mind.

Finally, it sounds like cigarettes have allowed you to repress emotions instead of handling them. When you repress things, I liken it to rolling a ball of mud uphill, and the ball keeps getting bigger. Eventually, it is too big, and rolls back down on top of you, and you have to deal with all of that mud.

It's OK to be vulnerable in a safe place. I don't know where that safe place is for you, whether it is with family, a friend, a religious leader, or somewhere else. That vulnerability will let you process the emotions and get them out. Let them flow, and you'll be a new person afterwards.


* American Tobacco Company; Brown and Williamson; Liggett Group, Inc.; Philip Morris Inc.; R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company

[Yuri]

i noticed alot of people think that the problem is about free will and being a slave to the addiction as sean mentioned but for me its actually the other way around, to me at least i find power in smoking "its like i have control over something" i can turn it on when i want and turn it off when i want and so basically its like the cigarettes are a slave to me if that makes sense so when there's nothing else i can control there's this cigarettes that i "can" control i dont really think many people see smoking the way i do.

[Sean]

Biakoia, please notice what I said to Patti: the addiction will convince you that it *is* you. It can also convince you that you need it, but that you control it. The test is whether or not it is damaging your life.

[Yuri]

yep, the thing is on a conscious level i know that its the illusion of control even though this is all known to my conscious mind if i were to quit i would still freak out because some part of me thinks its losing control not gaining it when in fact it is losing control of the illusion to gain control, but still the subconscious mind does not know it is not real.

[Patti]

biakoia, I too always felt, (when I was smoking) that I controlled "it" because it very much did feel like it was the only thing I could control, so we think very much the same. But it's when I stop that I realize I've never had any control. You're so right! It's just an illusion.

Last I really thought of throwing in the towel but went to bed instead. Thankfully, I didn't sleep walk myself to the store to buy any. Strangely, I'm craving regular cigs even though I haven't smoked any in 6 months. I guess my subconscious allowed me the diversion of electronic cigs but doesn't need to crave them.

Today it's been a week and I feel really disappointed that these cravings are so strong. For the first few days I felt much stronger than I do now. I guess that was just an illusion too.

I'm gonna turn off my ipod for a day or so and just let my subconscious be and absorb. Maybe that will help some.