Disconnect from negativity within

[Spiral]

Yea dude. I think seek the challenge is another one for you. These three though i'm going to have trouble fitting into my current queue. You will have to keep us posted!

[mat422]

Will do. There's so much variety with these subs sometimes I don't know where to start haha. But picking something is better than nothing.

So just a minor update. I've noticed in the presence of this sub I get strong feelings of emotion a lot of the time. Most notably an anxious feeling and tightness around my chest. I've been listening to it 24/7 as much as possible, so there is a lot of work going on.

I'm not sure how I'm really supposed to determine when the negativity has been addressed or removed. Sometimes I have feelings of euphoria after I feel like something has been removed that last anywhere from 5 minutes to the rest of the day. Most of the time I've listened to subs I get an anxious feelings, which doesn't really surprise me because I have a lot of trouble with change. But I feel like this sub has definitely been helping me with that fear and I've been slowly growing more and more accepting of it.

My dreams have definitely been varied lately. My last one I vaguely remember what it was about, but I think I was in a classroom and a teacher was being an authoritative figure abusing her power. So I let her have it verbally haha. I recall a lot of those dreams, I'd say it's my desire to be able to stand up to the jerks in the world and stand up for myself. Something I felt I never really had as a younger kid was the confidence to stand up to other kids that put me down, and I feel like that hate was directed inward.

But yeah I feel like I'm understanding a lot and gaining more insight into how I've never been strong when I needed to. Instead of addressing it and telling myself that I was afraid and the truth was I wasn't confident enough, I'd just tell myself I just wasn't an aggressive person. Which is crap because it has nothing to do with being aggressive, it has to do with having the confidence to stand up for myself and not be afraid. In general I'm a nice guy, but I've realized not putting your foot down will cause people to walk all over you. And the only reason I'd let that happen in the past was fear, not because I was taking the higher road or it didn't bother me. It did bother me, and it bothered me even more that I was too afraid to do anything about it.

I've been pretty sensitive most my life and I find because of this sensitivity I have greater empathy with most people and I make it a point not to hurt anyone. However, it is not a healthy balance because I don't have that underlying confidence to protect myself as well. I've been noticing a recurring theme in my life lately about balance, finding the middle or mean. Seeing in black and white seems to be how most individuals think, it's hard to see the grey area. But I've found that that is such an important area to understand.

[mat422]

Well it's been about 3 months on this sub. I've changed, definitely for the better. Some things that were bothering me seemed to be let go and overall I feel better. Is it substantial? Well I feel like the sub did its job, but I've still got some growth to go through.

I don't want to have my experience reflect the effectiveness of this sub because everyone is different. But it's one of those things where you think you haven't changed much and you look back and realize how different things have been. I'm an individual that is on a slower path so to speak, I've got a lot more stuff I need to overcome to just get to a relatively normal level. That being said, I read over the script for this sub and I have to say that I've noticed a lot of the effects. Especially the positivity. It became natural for me to not dwell on the negative, and even if I did it wouldn't last long and I'd be able to detach and remove it.

A lot of the changes were very helpful in improving my overall quality of life. In fact I feel like I was caught in a quite depressive fog before I started this sub and now my days, although still caught up in negativity at times, are much better.

I find that most the negativity now is less internal and more external. By that I mean fear is still a very destructive force in my life and I have trouble pushing past it even when I know I have to. So if I do ever get down or depressed it's mostly due to circumstances in my life and not really the negativity inside of me. I think I'm just in a rough place right now and need a little push to get over that hump.

That's why I think I'm going to give my brain a rest for a week or two and then start absolute self confidence. I just need something to help me move past that fear of the unknown and uncertainty that seems to paralyze me. I think the worst part is I know that what I fear is overblown and it's not that bad, but I still feel like it's the most terrifying thing. That's the toughest part. I know what I have to do, I just hit this wall. And my parents are for the most part understanding, I just wish the fear I experience wasn't so paralyzing. It does make my life hard and I know there is a whole world of opportunities out there.

My dad's friend stayed over for a night because he was visiting. Anyway this guy is super confident. He said straight up he doesn't fear anything, he's not afraid. He didn't go to college, and I don't think he even finished high school. He's in real estate now and making the big bucks. When he told people he was going to try out real estate they all told him he's crazy and there is no way he would be able to do it and that he should be more realistic. Well he didn't listen and now he's doing pretty well for himself. And this guy's attitude about money is great, he lets it flow in and out of his life, he doesn't chase it. I just find it amazing how it really is fear that holds most people back, moving past that just gives you infinite potential to live life to the fullest.

I don't want to make excuses because I know damn well the victim mentality doesn't work out. But even when I was younger when the overwhelming advice was to just get out there and be confident seemed like the single most frustrating thing of my life. It's really really hard for me to push past that fear and I just don't get it. I guess it's similar to anyone else with a bad habit like overeating, biting nails, anger problems, etc. Everyone thinks it's so easy to get over it, but they aren't in your shoes. But I'm trying, I can't dive head first into the deep end just yet because I've done that and the recoil from it withdrew me more.

Honestly I think it might be time to bite the bullet and look for some therapy. I'd say at this point in my life my functioning in life is impaired. I don't know what's up and I'm no professional, despite hours and hours of deep introspection. But I feel this is one of those things you can't really think yourself out of and you need that outside help.

[mat422]

It's weird, but I feel like this sub has affected me more now that I'm not listening to it. I don't know if the mind plays catchup or something, but I notice when my brain finally gets some rest I feel the effects more.

I noticed a lot of things and came to a lot of realizations today. Basically it is what it is. When I have anxiety or I'm depressed it's better to just let it be and not get sucked into it. I used to waste so much energy thinking about it and trying to figure it out that it just got me more frustrated. Now I ride it out like a wave, some days are good, some are bad. I realized trying to hype myself up or pull myself out of bad state takes a lot of energy and eventually it wears off and I crash.

It's become more of an automatic process that doesn't need my conscious attention which is great. I just say to myself that it will pass and to not become attached to it. Sure in the moment it may feel bad, but eventually it will go away. Trying to force it away will backfire a lot of the time and cause a lot more stress, it's better to let things be and allow the subconscious to sort things out. Mastery over removing negativity in oneself becomes second nature as things happen to you but don't really "stick" so to speak.

[mat422]

Just wanted to write something down so I can reflect on it at another time. I haven't looked through my old journals in a while and I think I might do that.

Before alpha and all these subs I was very different. After running through alpha twice I feel like I did improve. But I didn't improve to the ideal self I had pictured in my mind and that's where I think I've been hard on myself for a while.

Even though I'm stuck in a rut right now and I'm going to be seeing a therapist soon, I feel as if I have changed substantially. But when you are still plagued by deep issues it makes it seem like no progress has been made at all. Let me put it this way, before all the subs it was like standing in a fire, it was literally hell for me. After the subs it's like only half my body is in that fire. Yeah it's still really painful and I'm not completely out of it yet, but I made progress.

I think that's why I feel like I'm still the same person, even though I'm not. I haven't reached that end goal of who I've always wanted to be and the small changes aren't acknowledged as much. It's that all or nothing perfectionist mentality that always haunts me, it makes it hard to understand how progress was made, but it doesn't hold up to my strong standards.

Sometimes when I reflect on my life, I'm in disbelief that things are like this. I know most people would tell me that's a wakeup call to change my life and to stop living in fear. Well I tried that, I've been trying that ever since I was teenager and I'm 21 now. I've realized this stuff is bigger than what I can handle on my own and now I'm taking initiative by seeing a therapist. I've been carrying a tremendous load on my back trying to figure out all this stuff on my own and I quite honestly don't know the severity of it. Living with it for so long I feel like it just became me and I stopped understanding how life could be something different.

[mat422]

Decided to just start up the absolute self confidence sub now. I couldn't wait any longer. I really want to run through alpha 2011 again, but I think I'm going to hold off on it. Right now I do have money to purchase alpha 5.0, but it's more of my savings I've held onto. I could buy it and then go through it, but I've got a different plan of action. I'm going to be listening to absolute self confidence to give me that push I so desperately need to get started.

So plan of action so far. Finding a job, but not some meaningless cashiering job. I'm just keeping an eye out for something that's relevant to my field in computers, but even if I find something else I'll be happy. I just can't stand cashiering, it's just too much interaction with people. So if I have a bad day where I'm feeling irritable or just want to keep to myself I have to deal with the non-stop interactions. I just need something I can tolerate and hopefully start moving towards becoming independent because right now I still live at home and it's killing me. I'm 21 and whenever I see other people my age getting out there and being independent I get depressed. I feel so damn helpless sometimes and I hate it. Anyway my reward for getting a job will be alpha 5.0.

I've also been thinking about the remove negativity within subliminal. I just don't know how much of an impact it made on me, it's really subtle. When I look at what I need to improve on it makes me realize that maybe removing negativity inside of me wasn't really going to give me what I needed. So hopefully I'll notice some more noticeable changes from absolute self confidence. I've got it playing right now and I can definitely feel different from it.

Also I've noticed a general feeling of being unworthy because of my anxiety issues. I tend to see myself as less than others because I have trouble in life. Especially with women, I just feel so undeserving of love. I just think this has less to do with negativity inside of me and more like negativity being created due to an already existing problem.

[Spiral]

I'm thinking you would really benefit from Extreme Self Esteem and again Love and Appreciate yourself. I really want to run the later as soon as possible.

Anyways I hope you get a nice job that you will enjoy and can make you some good money, Mat.

[mat422]

I'm thinking you would really benefit from Extreme Self Esteem and again Love and Appreciate yourself. I really want to run the later as soon as possible.

Anyways I hope you get a nice job that you will enjoy and can make you some good money, Mat.

Thanks man. Right now I feel like it's all about prioritizing. I'll definitely be trying extreme self esteem and love and appreciate yourself in the future, but for now I just gotta get out of this comfort zone. I feel like once I can really start getting out into the world without that crippling fear my self esteem and self image will automatically improve. On the days where I'm in that depressed mentality the negative thinking is very much delusional and doesn't reflect who I am at all. So I find on the up days my self esteem really isn't that bad. In fact now I realize that the remove negativity within sub has given me the ability to not cling onto things as much and instead let it go.

[mat422]

Ok had a listen to the ASC sub for one night and let me tell you, I know this thing is working. My internal state literally shifted last night. I think my run through of remove negativity within resulted in my ability to be comfortable with using these subs more. I remember when I first started out I thought they were wrong or not natural, I was also highly resistant to changing. I've found I've let go of a lot of that and now I'm willing to change more than ever and feel completely comfortable using these subs.

So back to what I felt. The thing with these subliminals is the changes are so pronounced and yet you would think it isn't the sub. It pretty much becomes a part of you and you catch yourself with these new habits that you felt you always had. Anyway what I felt was something I always had trouble creating for myself when it comes to confidence. I'm not a fan of the fake it till you make it attitude, I tried it for a while, but it's only a bandaid solution, the deeper problems are still hidden under it and you can tell. I felt confident and I didn't have to try, I just was. It blew my mind. It's like a eureka moment where things come together and you think to yourself "why didn't I just do this before?".

It's this small internal shift where I went from being afraid and hopeless, to more confident and feeling like I can do it. It just lifted my spirits up and just made me so much more positive. It goes beyond positive thinking or reframing thoughts, this change came from within and as a result altered my negative thinking.

But I do have that feeling of being 1 step ahead of the negativity. It's a feeling I've wrestled with for most of my life. Winston Churchill calls it the "black dog". At times it can be trained and locked up, not bothering me. Other times it tends to break free and wreak havoc in my life. My biggest insight was recognizing that the bad days would come to pass, there would be good days so long as I didn't hold onto the bad days.

I'm still debating if I want to see a therapist. I can't justify seeing a therapist if they really don't have a solution to my issues. The hot trend in psychology is cognitive behavioral therapy right now and it just seems so backwards. First the positives, you lean to restructure your thoughts and challenge the negative thinking, often times you gain insight into irrational behavior. The negatives, it doesn't address the root issues and you have to do it for life. Meaning it isn't a fix, it's a set of coping tools and if you slack off everything will go back to the way it was. It fails to address why an individual might have these irrational or negative thoughts in the first place, they obviously have to come from somewhere, they aren't just spawned out of thin air.

Anyway as I see it, psychology has a ways to go. Especially since most psychologist want to prolong everything and keep you in there. Talk therapy can be incredibly useful if the individual wants to talk about their problems or needs a person to give them unconditional support. However, if an individual knows their problem they don't want to talk about it, they just want to change it. Hypnosis seems like the most effective way for a therapist to get in touch with the subconscious mind and enact changes. It also would provide a direct focus to the root of issues, not just scratching the surface. Unfortunately for some reason the subconscious mind and hypnosis are just pseudoscience in the eyes of "professionals" instead of a solid method of treatment. Instead we have cognitive behavioral therapy which is based on multitudes of research and "science". I like science, it helps us understand things better. But in this case just because it's scientific or makes sense, doesn't mean it is the most effective treatment. It's all about the credentials, nobody wants to open their ears or minds to anyone without credentials. Which is sad because credentials aren't everything.

[Shannon]

Hypnosis and NLP are the subject of much attack and smear tactics from a lot of directions because when they are used properly, they work. The issue is that someone won't make as much money. If it takes years to "talk therapy" someone, there's potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars to be made. But three sessions (or maybe less) with a master hypnotherapist or NLP specialist, isn't going to make as much money. In the United States these days, and maybe it's spreading... money is all that matters. There is nothing else that matters anymore. Not men, not women, not children, not families, not the environment, not patriotism, not common sense, not integrity, not honor, not character, not education, not patience, not honesty. It's all about the bottom line.

And sooner or later, it's going to have consequences. But the thing is, nobody cares about tomorrow, when they can be rich today by playing dirty. The height of immaturity.

Find yourself a master hypnotherapist. Find someone who has advanced Eriksonian training, and maybe NLP training. I know more about the hypnosis aspect right now, and I have to say that I have seen Eriksonian stuff do insane things with me, and I was very difficult to hypnotize before that. A skilled hypnotherapist employing advanced methods like those can do in a small number of sessions what a less skilled practitioner or someone using less effective techniques would take much longer to do.

[mat422]

Hypnosis and NLP are the subject of much attack and smear tactics from a lot of directions because when they are used properly, they work. The issue is that someone won't make as much money. If it takes years to "talk therapy" someone, there's potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars to be made. But three sessions (or maybe less) with a master hypnotherapist or NLP specialist, isn't going to make as much money. In the United States these days, and maybe it's spreading... money is all that matters. There is nothing else that matters anymore. Not men, not women, not children, not families, not the environment, not patriotism, not common sense, not integrity, not honor, not character, not education, not patience, not honesty. It's all about the bottom line.

And sooner or later, it's going to have consequences. But the thing is, nobody cares about tomorrow, when they can be rich today by playing dirty. The height of immaturity.

Find yourself a master hypnotherapist. Find someone who has advanced Eriksonian training, and maybe NLP training. I know more about the hypnosis aspect right now, and I have to say that I have seen Eriksonian stuff do insane things with me, and I was very difficult to hypnotize before that. A skilled hypnotherapist employing advanced methods like those can do in a small number of sessions what a less skilled practitioner or someone using less effective techniques would take much longer to do.

Thanks Shannon. I've read up on hypnosis a lot. I might be going to see one soon, depending on the credentials she has. Unfortunately I know there are a lot of unskilled hypnotists floating around. I believe some individuals are more difficult to hypnotize than others, but like you said that's the job of a skilled hypnotist. Lately I've just been sick of big pharma and it's constant assertion that there is a "chemical imbalance" in the brain. That lie was manufactured to make money, I have no doubt. And while there are individuals that are aided greatly by the meds, they would probably do even better if time was taken to actually help them fix their root issue.

Lately I've been fed up with the greed for money as well. More and more as I grow as an individual I feel so isolated. I know there are others out there that feel the same. This country needs a change, and I've been feeling the mental strain on me from living in an environment that's so toxic. I need to rise above it all and live life to the fullest, but for whatever reason I have these overwhelming obstacles I seem to face. It got me thinking that if I'm not as confident in myself as I want to be, it makes it that much harder to actually live in this country. I can see how ruthless living here can be and I guess that scares me. I need to get to a place where I can see the negativity and be strong enough to not let it get to me.

[mat422]

Maybe this is the self confidence sub or just me. But lately I've been feeling more confident in a way to tell it like it is, regardless of what others might think. Something I've always struggled with is the idea of masculinity, for a while I thought it was what the tough guys in movies were like, which isn't true. Because movies are just that, fiction, all those actors smile, are open, friendly, when the cameras are off. Maybe not all the time, but they leave their acting behind.

That's something I developed over the years. I've been acting, putting on a mask, to hide how I truly felt inside. Well the truth is I'm a sensitive guy and people scare me. I've been cold, non-emotional, stuffed up emotionally in the past, and all it brought me was internal rage which consequently led to depression. I was a really angry kid in high school, some of my friends would often comment on how I looked ready to beat someone up. At the time that's all I knew to address all those feelings of being scared and fearful, because acknowledging those feelings was less manly.

Also in society it seems more and more men are being assigned the negative traits, we are first assumed guilty and them must prove our innocence. No wonder so many guys these days are so screwed up, we're being systematically taught to be ashamed of being men. But it's the poor caricature of men that others see, not real men. And it's even more shameful that if you bring this to other's attention you get the brush off and the snide remark to "man up". I'm sure there are a lot of men that are hurting out there because they subconsciously think "all men are dogs".

I've been through the alpha set twice. My first run through I had a stereotypical image of an alpha male that I was reluctant to become. After I was done I realized I was still myself, just better. So the second time I ran through it I started to realize that most men really don't have a good idea of what masculinity truly is. It's not big muscles, how many girls you can screw, how aggressive you are, etc. It's about virtue, honesty, speaking your mind, being your own individual person and not caring what others think, and understanding that above all it's a mindset. A mindset that sadly isn't being taught properly or developed in men today.

[Spiral]

I like your progress. My subliminal choices for after alpha have changed once again lol

[mat422]

It's definitely an effective sub. Much more noticeable than disconnect from negativity.

The other day I was in a gas station and this was when I was in one of my good moods. I'm sure everyone's had that feeling, not caring and just doing your own thing. Well I had to get money from the atm and while I was doing that I noticed a cute blond walk in. She kind of glanced at me for a second and then waited on line. Well I had to get on line too to buy lottery tickets so I was right behind her. As soon as I got closer her head kinda twisted around to look and see who was behind her haha. Then she kind of just looked at me for a while, I probably should have smiled or something but it caught me completely off guard. I'm pretty damn sure I was giving off a really strong vibe that she picked up on.

So here's the ironic thing. When I tried really hard to appear confident because I was worried what others thought about me, I don't give off that vibe. But as soon as I just let go of trying so hard and accepted that I wasn't super confident, but it was ok to just be me, I felt like magic happened haha. It's more confident of me to admit that I'm not entirely confident than pretend to be in order to hide myself. So in conclusion the fake it till you make it attitude isn't worth it. It's so much easier to just be honest, even if that means that you don't feel like the most confident guy. Authenticity is definitely where it's at.