01-01-2021, 12:15 PM
I never journaled my run with OF v1 because two of the main things that occurred for me were:
I discounted the fatigue because I have continued to work throughout the shutdown (essential worker) and I work in an environment subject to the elements. So, Florida in the summer (I almost typed 'simmer,' and that's what it felt like) can really take it out of you, and I wasn't sure how much the exhaustion was due to the heat, and how much was due to the sub.
Same with the second thing: I found myself going into extreme fits of anger (not often, but extreme.) I have had some anger issues over the years, and I have a pretty good idea of the history and origins of these (I don't believe it was my subconscious rebelling against the sub out of fear of being overpowered by the technology, although there may have been a bit of that.) One thing about the anger this time: if I consider the spectrum of anger running from “highly irritated” to “rage,” this anger was much more towards the rage end. But as I said, this was not often, maybe three or four times (maybe I was too tired to get angry?)
But the third thing that occurred was much more interesting to me. This was maybe four months or so into OF v1. When I went to bed at night, I was so tired that I was in the twilight state as soon as my head hit the pillow. And suddenly, words or phrases popped into my mind. I keep a pen and note pad by my bed for just this purpose, because I know things tend to bubble out from my subconscious at these times. So I sat up in bed, jotted it down, and laid back down and went to sleep. And the next night, same thing, maybe a word or two, maybe a phrase. This kept up regularly over a span of two or three weeks. No matter how tired I was, and how much I didn't want to, I sat up and jotted it down. I wanted the line between conscious and subconscious to stay open.
The “dictation” tapered off, but I kept reading what had been written, and eventually worked the material into two songs (one of which I had already (barely) started, the other brand-new.)
Ultimately, the realization I got from all this is that it's important to my subconscious (and by extension, to me) that I use the outlets available to me to...and here I originally was going to say “create,” but that's not it. No, the realization is that it's important for my being to PLAY.
So I have been doing more of that. My subconscious has made it clear that, besides writing songs, it likes colors, it likes form, and to really play with those without worrying if it's “good.”
- extreme fatigue and exhaustion
- anger.
I discounted the fatigue because I have continued to work throughout the shutdown (essential worker) and I work in an environment subject to the elements. So, Florida in the summer (I almost typed 'simmer,' and that's what it felt like) can really take it out of you, and I wasn't sure how much the exhaustion was due to the heat, and how much was due to the sub.
Same with the second thing: I found myself going into extreme fits of anger (not often, but extreme.) I have had some anger issues over the years, and I have a pretty good idea of the history and origins of these (I don't believe it was my subconscious rebelling against the sub out of fear of being overpowered by the technology, although there may have been a bit of that.) One thing about the anger this time: if I consider the spectrum of anger running from “highly irritated” to “rage,” this anger was much more towards the rage end. But as I said, this was not often, maybe three or four times (maybe I was too tired to get angry?)
But the third thing that occurred was much more interesting to me. This was maybe four months or so into OF v1. When I went to bed at night, I was so tired that I was in the twilight state as soon as my head hit the pillow. And suddenly, words or phrases popped into my mind. I keep a pen and note pad by my bed for just this purpose, because I know things tend to bubble out from my subconscious at these times. So I sat up in bed, jotted it down, and laid back down and went to sleep. And the next night, same thing, maybe a word or two, maybe a phrase. This kept up regularly over a span of two or three weeks. No matter how tired I was, and how much I didn't want to, I sat up and jotted it down. I wanted the line between conscious and subconscious to stay open.
The “dictation” tapered off, but I kept reading what had been written, and eventually worked the material into two songs (one of which I had already (barely) started, the other brand-new.)
Ultimately, the realization I got from all this is that it's important to my subconscious (and by extension, to me) that I use the outlets available to me to...and here I originally was going to say “create,” but that's not it. No, the realization is that it's important for my being to PLAY.
So I have been doing more of that. My subconscious has made it clear that, besides writing songs, it likes colors, it likes form, and to really play with those without worrying if it's “good.”
The banquet you enjoy depends on what you bring to the table.
