*Jake's Overcoming Fear 5.75.1G Journal*

[Jake2015]

Friday 16 October - Day 3 of Cycle 3

Heads been mashed cos of the girl. Lastnight didnt get to chat after the initial phone call that ended badly. Didnt get to talk and say goodnight or anything.

Today ive been so mentally drained and stressed that I stay in bed most of the day and then just not been functioning too well.

I have a female friend on the chat app that is now befriending her and she was on my side saying we need you to get busier to get more attractive in her eyes and perhaps make her realise what she has.

instead when my girl came online to message me she was also messaging this friend and the friend said we have to change tactics, shes feeling that im distant and that she says were 2 different people.

Distant how though I dont know cos I have talked to her and 2 different people possibly but doubt that too since were alike in other ways.

I think that what Ive realised is she is a sub she admits and knows that and as such she feeds of my energy perhaps.

When im feeling happy confident loving and secure shes falling for me, when im feeling doubtful and insecure she feeds off that and it affects us both.

I think thats what it is.

Im going to try and talk to her on the phone today and really make her realise just how precious she is to me and how much ive missed her today and thought about her all day today and how we really work and I think my friend will also try to speak to her and make her realise and see sense too.

any more advice from you @Shannon or others would be nice.

other than that ive managed to tick off 3 items from my to-do list and thats something.

[Shannon]

1. How old is this girl?
2. How far away from each other do you live?
3. How frequently do you talk voice as opposed to text?

The issue boils down further to, you both have a different style of communication. This can be worked through, but it's much easier to do if you can spend time in person.

[Jake2015]

1. How old is this girl?
2. How far away from each other do you live?
3. How frequently do you talk voice as opposed to text?

The issue boils down further to, you both have a different style of communication.  This can be worked through, but it's much easier to do if you can spend time in person.

1. 23
2. Well in UK we would be around a 2hr car journey so not that far however as you may recall im in europe doing my course and its my final year now. I have 1 year left literally and she completes her course in March and then gets working in August so we discussed how we would work at meeting up around then esp as covid has made it unsafe to fly and meet etc.
3. Voice talk WAS everyday but last 2 days we havent due to all this and ive realised she responds well to all my mushy talk and reassurances so I have been doing that all day via txt to her but she said today that she thinks she has a bit on her mind so shes not really been active. then she said but I hope you're ok and doing well.

I proceeded to then ask what is on her mind, lets talk about it. I want to know whats up. i want to know everything about you. Every single thing that runs through your mind good or bad. If you dont share with me who could you share it with baby?

She replied back later with: I just need to think about it first I think. You been upto much.

Me: Can you give me a hint as to what its about? I could perhaps help you gain some clarity?

She hasnt replied yet. Shes taking alot longer to reply, than she usually would but shes yet asking me how I am so im not sure if thats good or not. Im hopeless at this clearly .  I dont know if anything you can make of all that?

Im wondering if the issue is ofcos me which means she must care if its consuming her perhaps and also her asking about me could be politeness or the fact shes attached to me? I dunno.

Thank you for caring though @Shannon, it really does mean alot - appreciate it brother!

and regarding my data:

Saturday 17 October - Day 4 of Cycle 3

Nothing to report as my mind is consumed with this girl and nothing else at the moment.

[Jake2015]

Sunday 18 October - Day 5 of Cycle 3

Loose stool but that could be due to drinking lots of water upon waking.

Nothing else to report except that my girl replied today to me (longest she has been out of contact with me).

She wrote: My ex got in contact with me. We never really talked about what had happened

I replied: When did he get in contact with you?

And thats it so far.

addendum:

So she replied with a few days ago, which makes sense as she has been distant with me for the past few days.

So i replied: Right. Ok

I mean what else could I possibly say?

Her: ok?

I opened it left it on read and havent replied as no idea what to say next.

[Jake2015]

Monday 19 October - Day 6 of Cycle 3

Good Morning.

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

After she said that I realised her intentions must be I presumed to just end it all with me. So I replied with dont you believe you owe me this on a phonecall? So I can understand why? I am asking for an explanation and then ill leave you alone.

So we then went back and forth with when she could call me. She said she would call me within an hour max but surprisingly it was within 25mins that she called me.

I felt so for 3 days you couldnt reach out to me to speak to me but now you have the time?

anyway we talked for 2hours lastnight as usual when she and I talk its never a quick chat, and to me that shows there is a connection but she wasnt having it. She said that it wasnt her ex and that shes not decided yet if she will even go back to him (the fact that shes thinking about it even was enough for me) and earlier on she said we could be friends but I was na that wont work for me. Its clear we get on but she was using so much logic to break down why we just couldnt work, such as distance, family reasons, the speed at which we fell because in her mind it shouldnt be quick it should take weeks if not months and etc that what her heart wanted she was ignoring.

2 friends told me not to even talk to her but 1 friend said let her hear your voice and maybe that will help. Well the voice helped in that she then said she was confused as to what to do because letting go wasnt easy now having heard my voice but the call was a mix of laughter and silence and its just odd since we do get on.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that she said she had to go as needed to sleep to get up early which was same for me but I was sacrificing both my sleep and the OF sub to just be able to speak to her and resolve this.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that it felt like that was that and that I had lost her forever

To say im feeling a mix of emotions is an understatement.

I had to wake up in 3-4hrs which is why im awake no so early and sadly was unable to listen to this days OF. It wasnt me self sabotaging it was simply not possible to fit into the 3-4hrs sleep I had.

I feel shit!

[tolgaocal80]

Monday 19 October - Day 6 of Cycle 3

Good Morning.

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

After she said that I realised her intentions must be I presumed to just end it all with me. So I replied with dont you believe you owe me this on a phonecall? So I can understand why? I am asking for an explanation and then ill leave you alone.

So we then went back and forth with when she could call me. She said she would call me within an hour max but surprisingly it was within 25mins that she called me.

I felt so for 3 days you couldnt reach out to me to speak to me but now you have the time?

anyway we talked for 2hours lastnight as usual when she and I talk its never a quick chat, and to me that shows there is a connection but she wasnt having it. She said that it wasnt her ex and that shes not decided yet if she will even go back to him (the fact that shes thinking about it even was enough for me) and earlier on she said we could be friends but I was na that wont work for me. Its clear we get on but she was using so much logic to break down why we just couldnt work, such as distance, family reasons, the speed at which we fell because in her mind it shouldnt be quick it should take weeks if not months and etc that what her heart wanted she was ignoring.

2 friends told me not to even talk to her but 1 friend said let her hear your voice and maybe that will help. Well the voice helped in that she then said she was confused as to what to do because letting go wasnt easy now having heard my voice but the call was a mix of laughter and silence and its just odd since we do get on.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that she said she had to go as needed to sleep to get up early which was same for me but I was sacrificing both my sleep and the OF sub to just be able to speak to her and resolve this.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that it felt like that was that and that I had lost her forever

To say im feeling a mix of emotions is an understatement.

I had to wake up in 3-4hrs which is why im awake no so early and sadly was unable to listen to this days OF. It wasnt me self sabotaging it was simply not possible to fit into the 3-4hrs sleep I had.

I feel shit!

I am not an experinced lover but I can say,

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

you should not say that, dont get me wrong but what I undertand from all your writings is, she just trying to fun and have sex but you are trying too hard and trying to start a relationship, she doesn't want that kind of relationship (ımo).
All this late replies she had, is showing that she are going to get rid of you. I saw this kind of things from a few girls back then, I just tried to make things up and you know kind like a relationship, but just time waste after that point.

"
I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.
"
I think your own happiness and well-being matters more than hers , I believe she would want that too,

[Jake2015]

Monday 19 October - Day 6 of Cycle 3

Good Morning.

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

After she said that I realised her intentions must be I presumed to just end it all with me. So I replied with dont you believe you owe me this on a phonecall? So I can understand why? I am asking for an explanation and then ill leave you alone.

So we then went back and forth with when she could call me. She said she would call me within an hour max but surprisingly it was within 25mins that she called me.

I felt so for 3 days you couldnt reach out to me to speak to me but now you have the time?

anyway we talked for 2hours lastnight as usual when she and I talk its never a quick chat, and to me that shows there is a connection but she wasnt having it. She said that it wasnt her ex and that shes not decided yet if she will even go back to him (the fact that shes thinking about it even was enough for me) and earlier on she said we could be friends but I was na that wont work for me. Its clear we get on but she was using so much logic to break down why we just couldnt work, such as distance, family reasons, the speed at which we fell because in her mind it shouldnt be quick it should take weeks if not months and etc that what her heart wanted she was ignoring.

2 friends told me not to even talk to her but 1 friend said let her hear your voice and maybe that will help. Well the voice helped in that she then said she was confused as to what to do because letting go wasnt easy now having heard my voice but the call was a mix of laughter and silence and its just odd since we do get on.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that she said she had to go as needed to sleep to get up early which was same for me but I was sacrificing both my sleep and the OF sub to just be able to speak to her and resolve this.

The call ended with no real conclusion except that it felt like that was that and that I had lost her forever

To say im feeling a mix of emotions is an understatement.

I had to wake up in 3-4hrs which is why im awake no so early and sadly was unable to listen to this days OF. It wasnt me self sabotaging it was simply not possible to fit into the 3-4hrs sleep I had.

I feel shit!

I am not an experinced lover but I can say,

I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.

Her reply: In all honest I dunno if this will work between us.

you should not say that, dont get me wrong but what I undertand from all your writings is, she just trying to fun and have sex but you are trying too hard and trying to start a relationship, she doesn't want that kind of relationship (ımo).
All this late replies she had, is showing that she are going to get rid of you. I saw this kind of things from a few girls back then, I just tried to make things up and you know kind like a relationship, but just time waste after that point.

"
I replied back to her with what did he want and are you ok? is everything ok? do you need me to do something? Do you want me close by or do you want me to step back so you can figure things out? I just want your happiness.
"
I think your own happiness and well-being matters more than hers , I believe she would want that too,

I dont know why I always push for a relationship

[Jake2015]

Monday 19 October - Day 6 of Cycle 3
continue....

Nothing much, in terms of of the sub.

In terms of the girl, Im missing her like crazy! She sent a selfie to me (later I found out if was to everyone) and so I messaged her about it calling her baby in the message, she did reply but nothing special and then soon the chat when quiet as he was busy.

She then sent a video of herself (again sent to all contacts I later find out from a mutual friend) and I viewed it and ignored it, rather than not commenting.

I did ask her earlier if she could talk and she never replied to that.

im assuming me asking her to talk will just be a weak move.

Part of me wants what we had the other part of me says well fuck it just have her in your life atleast for a fuck later on.

[Zane]

This what I do... "I close my eyes and imagine there are 1000s of beautiful and sexy, hot & n@ked girls and I am the KING.

[kuroshabedi]

Hey. I didnt fully read your situation with yozr girl but all in all you remind me of myself some years ago. In my opinion you should take a step back. My problem in relationships was always that i took everything too serious and wanted to talk about all "problems". When she was distant i needed to talk about that bcz i thought something is wrong..

I think the best thing you can do is to be laid back and to live like you have always a choice between 1000 girls.. like beeing independant bcz your life is amazing.

If a girl would text me that she is not sure i would reply no problem and i would not care why she is not sure and give her space..

But if a girl would do it again then i wont accept her anymore bcz i dont like it when girls trying to play with me

[Shannon]

I think you're displaying neediness that is turning her off and pushing her away.

[Jake2015]

I think you're displaying neediness that is turning her off and pushing her away.

Thanks for replying Shannon. Yeah may have been that not sure but were still talking and shes talking to her ex who's still back and on the scene but I dont care now, as far as im concerned im the best thing shes ever had so thats my vibe.

[Jake2015]

Hey. I didnt fully read your situation with yozr girl but all in all you remind me of myself some years ago. In my opinion you should take a step back. My problem in relationships was always that i took everything too serious and wanted to talk about all "problems". When she was distant i needed to talk about that bcz i thought something is wrong..

I think the best thing you can do is to be laid back and to live like you have always a choice between 1000 girls.. like beeing independant bcz your life is amazing.

If a girl would text me that she is not sure i would reply no problem and i would not care why she is not sure and give her space..

But if a girl would do it again then i wont accept her anymore bcz i dont like it when girls trying to play with me

thank you for this man. appreciate it and yeah think this is me too.

[Jake2015]

This what I do... "I close my eyes and imagine there are 1000s of beautiful and sexy, hot & n@ked girls and I am the KING.

lol zane this seems smart bro