Jake's UMOP 1 & UMOP 2 - **CLOSED**

[Jake2015]

Mon 3 December
Day 71 of UMOP in total (UMOP + UMOP2) & Day 14 of the New UMOP2 = 71:14
Day 4 of Cycle 3

Day of my exam. Couldn't listen at all due to not sleeping all night. Passed Exam today! Was exhausted.

+ + + +

From Monday 3rd until today Thursday 6th December - Days 4 of cycle 3, 1 day break, Day 1 and Day 2 of Cycle 4 - No listen. Total (4) or 3 days of no listen and 1 day Break.

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Fri 7 December

Today is Day 75 of UMOP in total (UMOP + UMOP2) & Day 18 of the New UMOP2 = 75:18

Day 3 of cycle 4

I HOPE TO START LISTENING FROM TODAY
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Since my exam my sleep cycle is got even worse. Im sleeping in the daytime or not sleeping at all :/

I am sleeping for few hours during the night or late evening then awake all night long.

No change in procrastination however since my exam I have had a greater feeling to study or do something but havent as yet. This greater feeling I cannot attribute to the sub as yet as it was the same I had with my previous exam too however this time around I found some awesome YOUTUBE lectures from the USA which covered what I was tested on and the same lecturer as some good material for the next test to so this gave me greater confidence already.

I broke my fap drought so there goes that theory that it could have been TID lol

I think in the hope of the sub working its normal for me and perhaps others to try and hold onto any thread and string that its due to TID or the sub. Its hard to know what is happening and when for someone like me who isnt noticing anything as well as with something so intangible as feelings and emotions, but I hope that whenever this sub works that it hits me strong and hard to make obvious to me that its working.

I have been reading the forum in drips here and there from my phone, and so forget as always as to what is being discussed but someone did ask @Shannon if its eventually possible for him to go out of his way to put FRM v4 into USLM so that they can use it with the power of FRM v4 instead of waiting a long time for its inception in 6g.

If you are reading this shannon, can I make the same request for UMOP please, and you had said that if the members are willing to pay for that sub its something you could consider, so if the price is affordable for me, then being one of the hardest cases on this forum I would be really happy to use this sub please if its at all possible.

I may ask this actually on shannon's discussion journal come to think of it lol

anyway so nothing to report really.

[Jake2015]

Mon 10 December

Today is Day 78 of UMOP in total (UMOP + UMOP2) & Day 21 of the New UMOP2 = 78:21

Day 1 of cycle 5
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So far nothing to report except greater desire to take action on my goals this xmas.

Goals of study, exercise and nutrition.

No action taken just desire which is usually there anyway whenever i have no pressure and deadline on my head and whenever a dawn approaches which means a vacation or holiday as is the case now.

I fly out tomorrow to the UK for 1 month Xmas vacation so will continue with UMOP2 at home of course too.

I hope after LTU, that Shannon will be kind and willing to put FRM 4.x into UMOP and release for me but if not I can only hope that I execute soon with FRM 4.x onwards.

Thank you

[Jake2015]

Wed 12 December

Today is Day 80 of UMOP in total (UMOP + UMOP2) & Day 23 of the New UMOP2 = 80:23

Day 3 of cycle 5
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Time : 4.14am GMT

I haven't listened to the sub since 3rd December = 10days.

I'm back home in UK for Christmas. Slept from 8pm to 3am. Can't sleep.


MAJOR EPIPHANIES:

1) I use tinder, women, etc as a way to procrastinate I think or to fill a void of loneliness or inaction. Rather than focus on what I should and need to do i instead such as go to sleep I'll rather waste time on these apps/sites.

2) Not listening to sub was down to boredom and sleep.

I want to break each down:

A) boredom: I got bored of playing the sub. I didn't realise at the time but I got bored and unmotivated to listen. I found it to be a chore rather than something to look forward to. Not seeing results does get tedious and staying motivated for so long has it's ups and downs.

B) Sleep: I have both a fear of sleeping and maybe not sleeping is fear based leading to procrastination.

I want to break these down:

I) I recall now that from around 2000 to 2015 I had a fear of actually falling asleep. It wasn't an obvious fear. It wasn't something that would cause me to break out in sweat but I knew at the time that for some reason I feared sleeping and maybe it was due to fear of death during sleep or something else.

II) the reasons for not listening to the sub for 10 days have been due to lack of sleep or unplanned sleep times.

Let's break this down

II.1) lack of sleep. The sub requires 4hours 32mins. Due to not getting this amount of sleep since the 3rd has resulted in failure to play. I haven't had this much sleep due to not being able to sleep early and having to wake up early.

- the reasons for this have been many

II.1.a) not getting enough sleep leading to erratic sleep schedule. Due to travelling back and then cramming for test/exam followed by lack of desire to sleep early.

II.1.b) caffeine. I drink only coca cola zero. Water is tasteless usually or boring. I end up thus ingesting caffeine from this as well as from cups of tea which all adds to keep me awake. I have a natural sensitivity to caffeine or sugar or both since coca cola after 1 sip awakens me.

II.2) unplanned sleep schedule is often times falling asleep due to intense fatigue which leads me to not be able to connect my phone, set alarm, turn to flight mode, connect to speakers and hit play. This was the case today as well. When I finally got to bed at 8pm. All I wanted to do was sleep rather than get out my speakers here in uk and get started. I was too tired to care.

Summary:
Sleep, caffeine = fear.


Any positive signs?

I do have a greater urge to study. The inaction hasn't changed merely the dreaming has increased a little.


Plans:

1)I have decided to try and study during these Xmas days off as well as plan my exercise and nutrition. I have to start exercising and eating right now. Xmas won't be the best time to start as temptations will be everywhere to eat well so I won't be hard on myself. Drinking water will be a focus to get off coca cola zero. Tea without milk won't be bad as won't be green tea and herbal tea without milk sugar honey etc so again I'm trying to be less perfectionist about all this.

2) I had decided a month ago when I was last in the UK that constant travelling doesn't help me, my sleep or my schedule with the subs. I thus decided then that after Xmas I won't return backto the UK until semester ends in the summer. 1 trip won't be a major issue but only if I really have to.

I will therefore use this trip to buy everything I need to and can afford to at this time to take back with me to Europe so that I don't need to return to the UK if I don't have to.

I haven't given up I just always seem to be struggling and facing a daily battle.

Sharing this has I hope:

1) been good data for @Shannon . The boredom aspect surprised me as I think this was tackled many many subs/years ago.

2) it's been kind of carthatic to share and thus hope from tomorrow to get more active in my planning and with playing the sub at night.

Thank you

[Jake2015]

Extra note:

I just had a thought that there could be a 3rd reason for my disrupted sleep. Perhaps the sub? Doubtful but worth adding it to the data trail.

[cataleya]

Extra note:

I just had a thought that there could be a 3rd reason for my disrupted sleep. Perhaps the sub? Doubtful but worth adding it to the data trail.

Actually, most people here (including myself) are sleeping more because of the subs.

[Shannon]

Jake, when all is said and done, we can dance on clouds all day but the end result is what matters. And the end result of not using the sub is not getting the intended results.

The fact is, you are making excuses for not using the sub, because you know that if you do, it will work. That is the only possible reason for why you would stop: that part of you that is procrastinating knows that the sub will change things if you keep using it.

Remember I said that when we get close to finished developing this tech, there will only be the options of run away and execute? You're running away.

Now it's not good news that you are running away,m because that is at present literally the only way left for you to prevent the sub from working. However, this also means that if you keep using it, regardless, according to the instructions, it will eventually work.

Now I ask you... is it fair for me to give you a refund if it fails, if you're not even willing to use it? Especially given that you trying to run away means that your subconscious has no other options for preventing execution left? Come on, man, you're right at the gate. All you have to do is stop making excuses and press play.

[Jake2015]

Jake, when all is said and done, we can dance on clouds all day but the end result is what matters. And the end result of not using the sub is not getting the intended results.

The fact is, you are making excuses for not using the sub, because you know that if you do, it will work. That is the only possible reason for why you would stop: that part of you that is procrastinating knows that the sub will change things if you keep using it.

Remember I said that when we get close to finished developing this tech, there will only be the options of run away and execute? You're running away.

Now it's not good news that you are running away,m because that is at present literally the only way left for you to prevent the sub from working. However, this also means that if you keep using it, regardless, according to the instructions, it will eventually work.

Now I ask you... is it fair for me to give you a refund if it fails, if you're not even willing to use it? Especially given that you trying to run away means that your subconscious has no other options for preventing execution left? Come on, man, you're right at the gate. All you have to do is stop making excuses and press play.

Thank you brother! I plan on starting today already and then read this and realised its me that has to make this happen, no matter what the reasons.

appreciate the support!

[Jake2015]

Thurs 13 December

Today is Day 81 of UMOP in total (UMOP + UMOP2) & Day 24 of the New UMOP2 = 81:24

Day 4 of cycle 5
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Finally started

Lastnight i wasn't tired and was delaying playing. I got into bed late around 3am and felt I was simply wasting time on YouTube and then on a new warfare game I downloaded and was playing rather than sleeping so once I decided this was this I said enough and clicked play.

I slept and then woke up to the trickling stream at some point. I fell back to sleep again.

I woke again. Silence the tracks had finished. I went to the bathroom tired and fell asleep again.

I had 2 dreams.

1) I'm playing a virtual reality game. This correlates to the fact that I downloaded and played a warfare game on my phone last night. In this dream all I recall is coming across a sexy female who I ended up sleeping with and taking control and it felt real.

2) this second dream I don't recall entirely except that the girl from my high school who bullied me the who time I was there was in it and she was again annoying me so I simply took control and fingered her as if I took her bullying to mean she was sexually frustrated and boom it worked. She was under my control and submissive to me.

I woke at 2pm exhausted. I mean seriously exhausted.

I have sat up in bed for 30mins checking tinder etc and now typing this which has woken me up enough to get on with my day.

Tomorrow 1 day of rest/break from the sub.

[Shannon]

Wait, you excused yourself from running the sub for 10 days, then you run it once and decide it's time for a day of break? Jake, man, I'm gonna give up on you here in a bit. You obviously don't want this.

[Jake2015]

Wait, you excused yourself from running the sub for 10 days, then you run it once and decide it's time for a day of break? Jake, man, I'm gonna give up on you here in a bit. You obviously don't want this.

No Shannon.

I thought you have to follow the asrb. If not I'll continue. I thought you still had to continue as you began.

No?

In the past I've seen others been told by you to continue as if they didn't have a break so today was the 4th day of the cycle therefore I thought I was to have the 1 day break tomorrow.

Is this right?

[Shannon]

If you have been off the sub 10 days, do you think you're not gonna start over again from scratch? Come on, man, your IQ is higher than that. This is just another excuse not to do it. Either do it right or run away, but I don't have time for games.

[Jake2015]

If you have been off the sub 10 days, do you think you're not gonna start over again from scratch? Come on, man, your IQ is higher than that. This is just another excuse not to do it. Either do it right or run away, but I don't have time for games.

Honestly I thought it was always to continue. I'm sure others have asked this but I'm wrong and I'm sorry I didn't realise so I'll make this day 1 of the 4 days.

I'm not running away I just thought I was doing things right but I'll continue tonight.

Thanks bro!

[Jake2015]

Fri 14 December

Today is Day 82 of UMOP in total (UMOP + UMOP2) & Day 25 of the New UMOP2 (-10 days missed) = 82:25 (-10)

Day 2 of cycle 5 - (I have restarted the cycle count as per Shannon's advice yesterday).

I dont know if I need to restart the total number of days count but until Shannon says otherwise, ive simply added (-10 days) at the top as a marker for the 10 consecutive days that I have missed.

Therefore factoring this would mean I am at, 72:15 instead.

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I again went to bed very late, around 3 or 4am, I was yawning but as usual once in bed and the lights go off im not in the mood to sleep.

I stayed away playing a game on my phone and checking emails, tinder etc.

I finally fell asleep around 6am I think and let the sub play - I didnt notice it playing nor was I awoken.

I woke around 1.30pm wondering if indeed the sub had played or not, as my sleep was so deep and undisturbed.

I had turned the volume down 1 point and this may have meant a more relaxed listen however I do hope that morning noises and sounds didnt over mask the track.

The main thing I wanted to share was something else and its been on my mind as to how to share it.

When I woke, I as usual, in a sleepy state grabbed my phone and began checking tinder, emails, messages etc.

Im not sure how long into doing this but I believe it was around 30-60mins that I had a memory flash into my mind.

This is a memory I have had in my mind before on random occasions but only this time the feelings/emotions of it were very intense and very uncomfortable.

The memory was of (and to protect people I wont go into too much detail) someone I saw infront of my eyes get hit by their parent during an argument. I was I dont know maybe 8 maybe 13, I just cant say and he the child being hit was maybe 2 years older than me.

Remembering this made me feel an immense emotion today and I just dont know why. I felt it and I was both angry and full of pity too. I just felt shit about it basically.

I only let it linger for 30secs or 1min and then tried to move on from it and successfully did.

I however have had this memory and emotions more so flash in my mind for the past few hours that I have been awake, but with less emotion and less vividness. Actually its only maybe come into my mind around 2-3 times.

I have no idea what this is about nor the relevance of it if any. Its easy to share everything in the hope that everything is connected to UMOP because I have done this over and over again in the past with every sub but nothing has changed when it came to results, so im unsure if this is relevant or not.

(Addendum: I remember for example having dreams - with strong emotions or not I dont recall - when I was on E2 thats why im just unsure if this is clearing or not)

I had to share it and apologies for not being able to go into detail. Thank you

oh and then i went back to my phone and then soon got up and on with my day.

[findingme]

That memory sounds very relevant Jake. Those things we've discounted and minimized for ages are sometimes very meaningful to why we live in repeated, frustrating cycles. Feel free to keep sharing those "absurd/stupid/meaningless" memories, as the truth in them can set you free if you're ready for it.

It takes guts to share those things too, with or without details. You have courage in you, I do see that. Otherwise, you'd not still be here at IML. Keep it up.