Shannon's Journal Discussion Volume 3

[DarkPlouf]

Hm, I don't feel much DMSI 3.2 now...I really felt it the first 2-3 days but now not so much.
No obvious external or internal effects. That's curious because with DMSI 3.1 I had the impression that it was getting better with the time. I'll take a week break and run one loop per day.
However, 7 loops of the US version is good to get/remember dreams, in comparison of Masked/Hybrid, which never triggered dreams in me.
The only relevant dream I can share went like this: I went to an appointment with a doctor and he said I lost too much weight. I think the dream was about my insecurity about my skinny body.

[ChangeMaker]

@Shannon
I am having very hard times, and recently, thoughts of suicide is coming to my head. I have developed lots of issues in the last 4-5 years! I would like to share here about those in details. Maybe you guys could help, give advice
• I started masturbating to porn from age 12. I slowly grew the habit, and internet was also becoming more and more available, easy to access. I have been a chain-masturbator from then! I couldn’t live without it a single week… I would do it 2-3 times a week, but each time I started to masturbate like 5-6 times! Sometimes, my penis started bleeding, my balls became very painful. I believe, from there, I started to develop sexual damages. My penis is terribly curved on the direction I masturbate aggressively (like a banana, curve towards up, and very steep curve!). I can’t pee if penis is erected because of this kind of bend! I blow my load within 5-10 seconds of masturbating now (I believe I have created Premature Ejaculation issue). My hair is falling very fast (already baldness is noticed above forehead), my eye sight is drastically decreased. I feel low all the time. No motivation, no drive to do something in life! Yet, I can’t stop this life damaging habit! I can stop for maybe 2 weeks, and then, again, urge takes control.
• Perfectionist Procrastination. Every time I masturbate, I feel guilty after the event. Then, I slowly gain motivation to stop this addiction, start doing something in life. I plan many things! I start as plan, and within next 3-7 days, I lose all motivation. Jerk off some porn, give up everything, Feel guilty again. And then, Again, I start gaining motivation to change my life forever, plan on something…. And my cycle goes on… it’s a vicious cycle! And I am on it for last 4-5 years maybe. I think, I want everything perfect, not expecting anything outside my plan, and even if they happen, I would lose motivation, give up on plan. And start over with new plan… another vicious cycle!
• Where the pain started. My failure with girls. I think I was a “nice guy” from my childhood, and maybe my family life affected me to be that character! More on that later… I think, I started to feel attraction for women in my coaching classes from class 8 in high school, Before that, I rarely met girl-classmates, as I was in a boys high school. I liked girls from there. Somehow managed to talk with some of them, and they became my good friends! I mean, I got a group of girls (17 of them as far as I remember) who talked with me in coaching class. I liked some of them. I was very “nice” with them. I even proposed one, and got rejected! That was my first proposal, and first rejection! Heartbroken me got obsessed with that girl. I was thinking about her all day long! Then I created another trauma in my mind called “imaginary relationships”. I would imagine all the things with her (mostly negative, and that emotion was addictive too). I was also ashamed of the situation. Finally the coaching was over, and one girl from there remained very good friend of mine. Other women just didn’t talk with me after that rejection! We remained friends for 2-3 more years, and I fell for her too! Btw, I was also very “nice” with her. In the mean time, I “discovered” PUA, read stuffs, and realized that I was very nice with this girl, and she was just using me for her advantages! I proposed her with confession, and got rejected too!

Anyway, after I joined university one year ago, I disconnected all contacts with my previous friends, that girl too… I wanted to start my life again with new motivation, friends in the varsity. I joined Architecture. Now architecture is really interesting to me as I never expected to study it before, I was like a study guy who would read books, do maths! Architecture is about creativity, making things out of nowhere, travelling to see different architecture, sculpture! I enjoyed, and pretty much forgot my past life. But Pornography, masturbation habit remained! Perfectionism remained. Vicious cycles remained! Then…
In university, I met lots of hot women! But Mr nice guy is still virgin, masturbate to porn, and wonder how some guys just get these hot girls with very short time, make them their girlfriend, fuck them, then leave them for more!!
Here, in varsity, I met women! Again, I proposed a woman I like, and got rejected. She is my classmate. I lost the friendship between us, and she started to ignore me! Now, I am stuck with a cancer in my class! Everyone knows about this rejection in my class, We meet everyday in class but don’t talk. It is very weird, embarrassing for me! I lost my focus, joy of architecture too because of some BS I have done so far! Every girl friendzone me! I don’t know what to do! Now I wonder, even if I marry someone, they will cheat on me! And I am frustrated too! As I see my classmates, cousins fuck lots of women, and I can’t! I am helpless!

• My childhood. The strictness of my mother. My mother has been very strict about me from my childhood. She kept me away from many things. I believe, that affected my natural growth, and maturity! I always feared her from childhood. She never let me go outside, so I am an introvert now, I have social anxiety, I fear to meet new people, talk to new people! I still properly don’t know many things as an adult. I can’t shop alone, I don’t know roads very well, I can cook though(LOL)… After coming to university, I have met classmates who are far far mature than me, so that made me question my current position. I am also not very free with my family, as I have grown shame about me! I can’t even discuss my issues with them now. Even if I do, what may they do! I am bringing this childhood issues, because, it is possible that, many things from my past are blocking me! My cousins used to bully me because they thought I walked like strange! I was also a fat kid then! My mom always adviced me to stay away from girls, relationships, these are not good etc etc…

• Present Depression, Negativity. I am very fed up with my life. I am frustrated because I don’t know how to get out of these! I want a happy life, I want to get free from my dependence of my family, make money, do something in life, get women. But these are not happening! I am very depressed! I drink coffee all day, because I think it makes me relief a bit from thinking too much. I am addicted to caffeine too! Negative thoughts, imaginations come to my mind always. Blood flow to my brain when I imagine negative things. Still I can’t stop them. My condition has become like Chester Bennington of Linkin Park band who suicided few months ago! His song “Heavy” kind of relates to me!

I don’t know how am I gonna get out of these, sometimes I think of suicide. I have lost the rhythm, joy of life. I am boring, depressed, sexually, mentally damaged. I am immature, I suck with women, I think negative(stroke can happen from these kind of BS thinking), I think negatively what never happened, and won’t happen, and feel the anger in my mind. Crazy!! I think I will become a perfect mad soon! Classmates friendzone me, I don’t like what I am studying now, so I procrastinate on my projects. Help me!!! I don’t wanna die like this!!!

[Oversoul]

@Shannon Is there something is DMSI that makes people assume that you will be succesful in whatever you attempt, even if you seem to be failing now? Kind of like 'oh that was just a very minor hiccup for him he's gonna kill it soon'

[firsthelix]

Shannon,

Okay, so I have been using DMSI 3.2b for a month and 3.2a for two months, one loop a day, as prescribed. I have not consumed caffeine or alcohol whatsover during that period and lived a healthy lifestyle. No results, no affects, nada. I had been exposed to people online, offline daytime, at the gym at parties you name it, in Europe, South America and the US. I have even visited a fetish party where people have no inhibitions and everything can happen. Hardly ever an approach and if, it was from unwanted girls that aren't matching my standards. Like before, I had to do all the initial work, despite my looks. I am frustrated about this and have a hard time to believe it's got to do with (unconscius) resistance, since I am doing conscious affirmation work and meditation on top of DMSI on a daily basis since many months.

Please advise...

Shannon,

Dunno if you saw this post but I am really still interested in your take on that...

Thanks for taking your time!

[kornjacinvrac]

Hm, I don't feel much DMSI 3.2 now...I really felt it the first 2-3 days but now not so much.
No obvious external or internal effects. That's curious because with DMSI 3.1 I had the impression that it was getting better with the time. I'll take a week break and run one loop per day.

I had this also with 3.2 one loop, and for couple of days it was intense - for like 5 days. My energy, my eyes were with intensity, but after that maybe resistance kicked in, or my brain is just to lazy to execute. Maybe i should do aproaches (and trigger adrenaline) which is better and maybe similar to that "intensity" and then dmsi will kick off. Im curious what Shannon thinks of this.

Some days i have that "energy" inside me that just screams "feel good, be happy" but some other days, its okay. No anxiety, no regret and no shame (these three work almost always).

[Zane]

@Shannon
I am having very hard times, and recently, thoughts of suicide is coming to my head. I have developed lots of issues in the last 4-5 years! I would like to share here about those in details. Maybe you guys could help, give advice
• I started masturbating to porn from age 12. I slowly grew the habit, and internet was also becoming more and more available, easy to access. I have been a chain-masturbator from then! I couldn’t live without it a single week… I would do it 2-3 times a week, but each time I started to masturbate like 5-6 times! Sometimes, my penis started bleeding, my balls became very painful. I believe, from there, I started to develop sexual damages. My penis is terribly curved on the direction I masturbate aggressively (like a banana, curve towards up, and very steep curve!). I can’t pee if penis is erected because of this kind of bend! I blow my load within 5-10 seconds of masturbating now (I believe I have created Premature Ejaculation issue). My hair is falling very fast (already baldness is noticed above forehead), my eye sight is drastically decreased. I feel low all the time. No motivation, no drive to do something in life! Yet, I can’t stop this life damaging habit! I can stop for maybe 2 weeks, and then, again, urge takes control.
• Perfectionist Procrastination. Every time I masturbate, I feel guilty after the event. Then, I slowly gain motivation to stop this addiction, start doing something in life. I plan many things! I start as plan, and within next 3-7 days, I lose all motivation. Jerk off some porn, give up everything, Feel guilty again. And then, Again, I start gaining motivation to change my life forever, plan on something…. And my cycle goes on… it’s a vicious cycle! And I am on it for last 4-5 years maybe. I think, I want everything perfect, not expecting anything outside my plan, and even if they happen, I would lose motivation, give up on plan. And start over with new plan… another vicious cycle!
• Where the pain started. My failure with girls. I think I was a “nice guy” from my childhood, and maybe my family life affected me to be that character! More on that later… I think, I started to feel attraction for women in my coaching classes from class 8 in high school, Before that, I rarely met girl-classmates, as I was in a boys high school. I liked girls from there. Somehow managed to talk with some of them, and they became my good friends! I mean, I got a group of girls (17 of them as far as I remember) who talked with me in coaching class. I liked some of them. I was very “nice” with them. I even proposed one, and got rejected! That was my first proposal, and first rejection! Heartbroken me got obsessed with that girl. I was thinking about her all day long! Then I created another trauma in my mind called “imaginary relationships”. I would imagine all the things with her (mostly negative, and that emotion was addictive too). I was also ashamed of the situation. Finally the coaching was over, and one girl from there remained very good friend of mine. Other women just didn’t talk with me after that rejection! We remained friends for 2-3 more years, and I fell for her too! Btw, I was also very “nice” with her. In the mean time, I “discovered” PUA, read stuffs, and realized that I was very nice with this girl, and she was just using me for her advantages! I proposed her with confession, and got rejected too!

Anyway, after I joined university one year ago, I disconnected all contacts with my previous friends, that girl too… I wanted to start my life again with new motivation, friends in the varsity. I joined Architecture. Now architecture is really interesting to me as I never expected to study it before, I was like a study guy who would read books, do maths! Architecture is about creativity, making things out of nowhere, travelling to see different architecture, sculpture! I enjoyed, and pretty much forgot my past life. But Pornography, masturbation habit remained! Perfectionism remained. Vicious cycles remained! Then…
In university, I met lots of hot women! But Mr nice guy is still virgin, masturbate to porn, and wonder how some guys just get these hot girls with very short time, make them their girlfriend, **** them, then leave them for more!!
Here, in varsity, I met women! Again, I proposed a woman I like, and got rejected. She is my classmate. I lost the friendship between us, and she started to ignore me! Now, I am stuck with a cancer in my class! Everyone knows about this rejection in my class, We meet everyday in class but don’t talk. It is very weird, embarrassing for me! I lost my focus, joy of architecture too because of some BS I have done so far! Every girl friendzone me! I don’t know what to do! Now I wonder, even if I marry someone, they will cheat on me! And I am frustrated too! As I see my classmates, cousins **** lots of women, and I can’t! I am helpless!

• My childhood. The strictness of my mother. My mother has been very strict about me from my childhood. She kept me away from many things. I believe, that affected my natural growth, and maturity! I always feared her from childhood. She never let me go outside, so I am an introvert now, I have social anxiety, I fear to meet new people, talk to new people! I still properly don’t know many things as an adult. I can’t shop alone, I don’t know roads very well, I can cook though(LOL)… After coming to university, I have met classmates who are far far mature than me, so that made me question my current position. I am also not very free with my family, as I have grown shame about me! I can’t even discuss my issues with them now. Even if I do, what may they do! I am bringing this childhood issues, because, it is possible that, many things from my past are blocking me! My cousins used to bully me because they thought I walked like strange! I was also a fat kid then! My mom always adviced me to stay away from girls, relationships, these are not good etc etc…

• Present Depression, Negativity. I am very fed up with my life. I am frustrated because I don’t know how to get out of these! I want a happy life, I want to get free from my dependence of my family, make money, do something in life, get women. But these are not happening! I am very depressed! I drink coffee all day, because I think it makes me relief a bit from thinking too much. I am addicted to caffeine too! Negative thoughts, imaginations come to my mind always. Blood flow to my brain when I imagine negative things. Still I can’t stop them. My condition has become like Chester Bennington of Linkin Park band who suicided few months ago! His song “Heavy” kind of relates to me!

I don’t know how am I gonna get out of these, sometimes I think of suicide. I have lost the rhythm, joy of life. I am boring, depressed, sexually, mentally damaged. I am immature, I suck with women, I think negative(stroke can happen from these kind of BS thinking), I think negatively what never happened, and won’t happen, and feel the anger in my mind. Crazy!! I think I will become a perfect mad soon! Classmates friendzone me, I don’t like what I am studying now, so I procrastinate on my projects. Help me!!! I don’t wanna die like this!!!

Dude are u me? Man 95% of what u said has already happened to me and some of it is still happening.

I have Only two advices for ya.. First if ur health is in real bad shape then I suggest u listen to MHS-5.5G for few months and take some supplements with it. After that u can get on DMSI I3.2 and believe me you will live it and getting girls won't be that much of a problem..PM me if u wanna talk to me..

[Zane]

Update : Feeling very frustrated along with headaches.. I am mad at everything.. Also equipments in my house keeps getting broken which will cost money to fix...

I am pretty mad at my current financial situation..

[THolt]

One more US question. Does US work by causing success in areas that you consciously focus on or does it work subconsciously?

Like if I focused on making more friends, would the program work to make that happen?

That's a good question. Especially I also asked myself how would the UM part help with more passive goals if the US/UM/(LM) hybrid were build.

I'm not entirely convinced I think a hybrid is the best way to go yet. We shall see what works best I guess.

Well, I am sure US will be a good sale anyway. And at least in theory OE should take care of motivation if required. But are we talking here about the US/UM combination or a general combination of US with something else?

I think US and LM would go well together but that would take a lot of work to develop.

[DarkPlouf]

@ChangeMaker Hi.
I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. That's something I have been thought too. In fact, I match every one of your points besides the last one - I do not drink coffee nor alcohol.

I see many similarities with people "like" us. It starts at childhood with parents (mother in my case too) teaching you that sex is bad/evil and you should stay away from girls. I was a good boy and I've been raised to be a good boy so I listened to mom. So I kept on believing girls are bad, sex is evil and that I should avoid relationships like the plague. My mom kept saying that what people do isn't love. That true love is not about physics and sex, and that it is pure. Apparently, my mom had no concept of physical love at that time...
Do you realize it's only at...Like 16yo (EDIT: actually 18-20yo) that I realized it is okay to have a desire for the opposite sex? That it is okay to meet girls just for the purpose of fucking? That it is okay to approach a girl and ask for her num? That it is NOT okay to approach a girl like a saint and expect her to like you? That in most cases you NEED sexual attraction to get girls?
That's how fucked up the beliefs I had were.
I still heavily resent my mom for what she did and I believe the way she raised me is the root cause of ALL my social issues. And the fact that my dad is really beta didn't help. Barely can take a decision by himself. Every time a decision had to be taken: "ask mom / see mom / talk to mom". So mom was the source of truth of every one of my beliefs.

I also went through the same things as heavy masturbation, being bullied, lots and lots of rejections, Mr nice guy syndrome, and so on. I started masturbating very young. Even before I hit puberty.

But the thing is, I've overcame that. The last time I've really felt beta was 2 years ago. People of my past would still see me as beta if I were to meet with them right now. But the people and friends I have now do NOT see me as beta. Because I've changed. I've changed my views, I've changed my feelings and I've changed how I act.
What helped me was: a strong desire to change and a strong determination at doing what's needed to change, LOA, Meditation and (as of only a year ago), NoFap.
Here's what I suggest you, from someone who lived the same shit at you and that's somehow a decent human being now:
-Cut the fucking ties with ALL your "friends" and people now. You already fucked up at high school and that's very bad. Can you change school next year? If you can, do so by all mean. People will keep on dragging you down, there's no way around that besides cutting the fucking ties. Move on and make a new life.

-Forget about women. Stop chasing them, stop being after them, stop proposing, and stop confessing. STOP everything about women. You're clearly not ready. And you fucked up this year once again by "confessing" to your classmate. Now you're in a shitty situation where everybody knows you're beta. So stop that and focus on yourself. Only allow yourself to meet girls just for the sake of expanding your social circle. But even by doing so there's a high chance you'll get infatuated. I know how guys like us are SO easy to "fall in love". So be careful there. Do NOT confess to girls and fancy them, that's not how it works.

-So instead of daydreaming about girls, meet boys. Or rather, men. Observe them. look how they behave, look what they have and what you do not have. Get a bunch of decent male friends. Not friends that'd pull you into shitty habits, but friends that uplift you.

-Use your knowledge from subliminal programs, the power of the mind and the likes to help you to better yourself. For me that was LOA when I started. And I'm glad I learned that. From that point, my life started improving. Mainly because I firmly kept a very dedicated and focused mind on my goals and positivity. LOA taught me how negative thoughts keep on bringing up negative events. So I changed them, and truthfully my life started to improve.

I'm suggesting all of this because, as I said, I went through all of that. I do not claim to be an expert nor am I 100% out of the hole but my life and integrity as a man drastically improved, and that's what I did. I think the most important tool here is your determination to change. You know you need to change so keep that focus at TOP priority. Stop being beta, stop acting like beta, stop falling in love every year and getting rejected because you confessed. That's too much of a leap, and that's anyway, not how you get girls nowadays. So consciously choose to change and watch carefully your thoughts, actions and your environment, learn from them and makes sure everything's right accord to your plan. No slacking off is allowed. Grad a no deep shit book on seduction just to know how human dynamics work. For people that have been raised the way we did, it is important. Because without that we get on doing things come to bite us in the end.

The other stuff that greatly improved my depressive state is nofap. And I've only been seriously doing it since...maybe 6+ months? I stopped counting. I relapsed two or 3 times maybe. Doing NoFap was very good as by the first month most of my depression thoughts disappeared. I started to enjoy life more and more. I've started to learn music again, and my hunger for creativity increased. I highly suspect that NoFap will help with your depressional state.
Meditation, and especially loving-kindness meditation also really helped me to fight depression.

Hope you found at least something useful in what I wrote. I honestly think it's too much of a leap to start fancying about women yet. Break down your problems and solve them step by step. Focus on being a decent human and a respectable man, build a solid social circle and then keep on being happy. Even meeting online people are fine. I can't tell you how much my online friends helped me. I met people that have the same interest as me, that are very open-minded and that also sense the wonder of this world, like I do. Honestly, I don't think I'd have been out of the hole completely without them.

Hang in there, and be the master of your mind. Never ever sleep depressed. Watch what you feed on to your subconscious mind, especially before going to bed.

[Shawn]

One more US question. Does US work by causing success in areas that you consciously focus on or does it work subconsciously?

Like if I focused on making more friends, would the program work to make that happen?

That's a good question. Especially I also asked myself how would the UM part help with more passive goals if the US/UM/(LM) hybrid were build.

I'm not entirely convinced I think a hybrid is the best way to go yet. We shall see what works best I guess.

Well, I am sure US will be a good sale anyway. And at least in theory OE should take care of motivation if required. But are we talking here about the US/UM combination or a general combination of US with something else?

I think US and LM would go well together but that would take a lot of work to develop.

I think so, too. While the development time shouldn't be longer then for US/UM it would still take more time than simply building US.

[Raikahoken]

@Shannon I just saw your latest post regarding MLS's ASRB. What does 1:1 secondary ASRB mean? How are we supposed to use it now? Is it still 4 loops everyday?

[JakeKennedy]

@thor2014

Are you now taking the recommended days off from sub listening? If so are you still executing the sub as well? Thanks.

[ChangeMaker]

@Shannon
I am having very hard times, and recently, thoughts of suicide is coming to my head. I have developed lots of issues in the last 4-5 years! I would like to share here about those in details. Maybe you guys could help, give advice
• I started masturbating to porn from age 12. I slowly grew the habit, and internet was also becoming more and more available, easy to access. I have been a chain-masturbator from then! I couldn’t live without it a single week… I would do it 2-3 times a week, but each time I started to masturbate like 5-6 times! Sometimes, my penis started bleeding, my balls became very painful. I believe, from there, I started to develop sexual damages. My penis is terribly curved on the direction I masturbate aggressively (like a banana, curve towards up, and very steep curve!). I can’t pee if penis is erected because of this kind of bend! I blow my load within 5-10 seconds of masturbating now (I believe I have created Premature Ejaculation issue). My hair is falling very fast (already baldness is noticed above forehead), my eye sight is drastically decreased. I feel low all the time. No motivation, no drive to do something in life! Yet, I can’t stop this life damaging habit! I can stop for maybe 2 weeks, and then, again, urge takes control.
• Perfectionist Procrastination. Every time I masturbate, I feel guilty after the event. Then, I slowly gain motivation to stop this addiction, start doing something in life. I plan many things! I start as plan, and within next 3-7 days, I lose all motivation. Jerk off some porn, give up everything, Feel guilty again. And then, Again, I start gaining motivation to change my life forever, plan on something…. And my cycle goes on… it’s a vicious cycle! And I am on it for last 4-5 years maybe. I think, I want everything perfect, not expecting anything outside my plan, and even if they happen, I would lose motivation, give up on plan. And start over with new plan… another vicious cycle!
• Where the pain started. My failure with girls. I think I was a “nice guy” from my childhood, and maybe my family life affected me to be that character! More on that later… I think, I started to feel attraction for women in my coaching classes from class 8 in high school, Before that, I rarely met girl-classmates, as I was in a boys high school. I liked girls from there. Somehow managed to talk with some of them, and they became my good friends! I mean, I got a group of girls (17 of them as far as I remember) who talked with me in coaching class. I liked some of them. I was very “nice” with them. I even proposed one, and got rejected! That was my first proposal, and first rejection! Heartbroken me got obsessed with that girl. I was thinking about her all day long! Then I created another trauma in my mind called “imaginary relationships”. I would imagine all the things with her (mostly negative, and that emotion was addictive too). I was also ashamed of the situation. Finally the coaching was over, and one girl from there remained very good friend of mine. Other women just didn’t talk with me after that rejection! We remained friends for 2-3 more years, and I fell for her too! Btw, I was also very “nice” with her. In the mean time, I “discovered” PUA, read stuffs, and realized that I was very nice with this girl, and she was just using me for her advantages! I proposed her with confession, and got rejected too!

Anyway, after I joined university one year ago, I disconnected all contacts with my previous friends, that girl too… I wanted to start my life again with new motivation, friends in the varsity. I joined Architecture. Now architecture is really interesting to me as I never expected to study it before, I was like a study guy who would read books, do maths! Architecture is about creativity, making things out of nowhere, travelling to see different architecture, sculpture! I enjoyed, and pretty much forgot my past life. But Pornography, masturbation habit remained! Perfectionism remained. Vicious cycles remained! Then…
In university, I met lots of hot women! But Mr nice guy is still virgin, masturbate to porn, and wonder how some guys just get these hot girls with very short time, make them their girlfriend, **** them, then leave them for more!!
Here, in varsity, I met women! Again, I proposed a woman I like, and got rejected. She is my classmate. I lost the friendship between us, and she started to ignore me! Now, I am stuck with a cancer in my class! Everyone knows about this rejection in my class, We meet everyday in class but don’t talk. It is very weird, embarrassing for me! I lost my focus, joy of architecture too because of some BS I have done so far! Every girl friendzone me! I don’t know what to do! Now I wonder, even if I marry someone, they will cheat on me! And I am frustrated too! As I see my classmates, cousins **** lots of women, and I can’t! I am helpless!

• My childhood. The strictness of my mother. My mother has been very strict about me from my childhood. She kept me away from many things. I believe, that affected my natural growth, and maturity! I always feared her from childhood. She never let me go outside, so I am an introvert now, I have social anxiety, I fear to meet new people, talk to new people! I still properly don’t know many things as an adult. I can’t shop alone, I don’t know roads very well, I can cook though(LOL)… After coming to university, I have met classmates who are far far mature than me, so that made me question my current position. I am also not very free with my family, as I have grown shame about me! I can’t even discuss my issues with them now. Even if I do, what may they do! I am bringing this childhood issues, because, it is possible that, many things from my past are blocking me! My cousins used to bully me because they thought I walked like strange! I was also a fat kid then! My mom always adviced me to stay away from girls, relationships, these are not good etc etc…

• Present Depression, Negativity. I am very fed up with my life. I am frustrated because I don’t know how to get out of these! I want a happy life, I want to get free from my dependence of my family, make money, do something in life, get women. But these are not happening! I am very depressed! I drink coffee all day, because I think it makes me relief a bit from thinking too much. I am addicted to caffeine too! Negative thoughts, imaginations come to my mind always. Blood flow to my brain when I imagine negative things. Still I can’t stop them. My condition has become like Chester Bennington of Linkin Park band who suicided few months ago! His song “Heavy” kind of relates to me!

I don’t know how am I gonna get out of these, sometimes I think of suicide. I have lost the rhythm, joy of life. I am boring, depressed, sexually, mentally damaged. I am immature, I suck with women, I think negative(stroke can happen from these kind of BS thinking), I think negatively what never happened, and won’t happen, and feel the anger in my mind. Crazy!! I think I will become a perfect mad soon! Classmates friendzone me, I don’t like what I am studying now, so I procrastinate on my projects. Help me!!! I don’t wanna die like this!!!

Dude are u me? Man 95% of what u said has already happened to me and some of it is still happening.

I have Only two advices for ya.. First if ur health is in real bad shape then I suggest u listen to MHS-5.5G for few months and take some supplements with it. After that u can get on DMSI I3.2 and believe me you will live it and getting girls won't be that much of a problem..PM me if u wanna talk to me..

I pmed you bro! looks like there are more other people like me, and they also had similar experiences!

[ChangeMaker]

@ChangeMaker Hi.
I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. That's something I have been thought too. In fact, I match every one of your points besides the last one - I do not drink coffee nor alcohol.

I see many similarities with people "like" us. It starts at childhood with parents (mother in my case too) teaching you that sex is bad/evil and you should stay away from girls. I was a good boy and I've been raised to be a good boy so I listened to mom. So I kept on believing girls are bad, sex is evil and that I should avoid relationships like the plague. My mom kept saying that what people do isn't love. That true love is not about physics and sex, and that it is pure. Apparently, my mom had no concept of physical love at that time...
Do you realize it's only at...Like 16yo (EDIT: actually 18-20yo) that I realized it is okay to have a desire for the opposite sex? That it is okay to meet girls just for the purpose of *****? That it is okay to approach a girl and ask for her num? That it is NOT okay to approach a girl like a saint and expect her to like you? That in most cases you NEED sexual attraction to get girls?
That's how ***** up the beliefs I had were.
I still heavily resent my mom for what she did and I believe the way she raised me is the root cause of ALL my social issues. And the fact that my dad is really beta didn't help. Barely can take a decision by himself. Every time a decision had to be taken: "ask mom / see mom / talk to mom". So mom was the source of truth of every one of my beliefs.

I also went through the same things as heavy masturbation, being bullied, lots and lots of rejections, Mr nice guy syndrome, and so on. I started masturbating very young. Even before I hit puberty.

But the thing is, I've overcame that. The last time I've really felt beta was 2 years ago. People of my past would still see me as beta if I were to meet with them right now. But the people and friends I have now do NOT see me as beta. Because I've changed. I've changed my views, I've changed my feelings and I've changed how I act.
What helped me was: a strong desire to change and a strong determination at doing what's needed to change, LOA, Meditation and (as of only a year ago), NoFap.
Here's what I suggest you, from someone who lived the same shit at you and that's somehow a decent human being now:
-Cut the ***** ties with ALL your "friends" and people now. You already ***** up at high school and that's very bad. Can you change school next year? If you can, do so by all mean. People will keep on dragging you down, there's no way around that besides cutting the ***** ties. Move on and make a new life.

-Forget about women. Stop chasing them, stop being after them, stop proposing, and stop confessing. STOP everything about women. You're clearly not ready. And you ***** up this year once again by "confessing" to your classmate. Now you're in a shitty situation where everybody knows you're beta. So stop that and focus on yourself. Only allow yourself to meet girls just for the sake of expanding your social circle. But even by doing so there's a high chance you'll get infatuated. I know how guys like us are SO easy to "fall in love". So be careful there. Do NOT confess to girls and fancy them, that's not how it works.

-So instead of daydreaming about girls, meet boys. Or rather, men. Observe them. look how they behave, look what they have and what you do not have. Get a bunch of decent male friends. Not friends that'd pull you into shitty habits, but friends that uplift you.

-Use your knowledge from subliminal programs, the power of the mind and the likes to help you to better yourself. For me that was LOA when I started. And I'm glad I learned that. From that point, my life started improving. Mainly because I firmly kept a very dedicated and focused mind on my goals and positivity. LOA taught me how negative thoughts keep on bringing up negative events. So I changed them, and truthfully my life started to improve.

I'm suggesting all of this because, as I said, I went through all of that. I do not claim to be an expert nor am I 100% out of the hole but my life and integrity as a man drastically improved, and that's what I did. I think the most important tool here is your determination to change. You know you need to change so keep that focus at TOP priority. Stop being beta, stop acting like beta, stop falling in love every year and getting rejected because you confessed. That's too much of a leap, and that's anyway, not how you get girls nowadays. So consciously choose to change and watch carefully your thoughts, actions and your environment, learn from them and makes sure everything's right accord to your plan. No slacking off is allowed. Grad a no deep shit book on seduction just to know how human dynamics work. For people that have been raised the way we did, it is important. Because without that we get on doing things come to bite us in the end.

The other stuff that greatly improved my depressive state is nofap. And I've only been seriously doing it since...maybe 6+ months? I stopped counting. I relapsed two or 3 times maybe. Doing NoFap was very good as by the first month most of my depression thoughts disappeared. I started to enjoy life more and more. I've started to learn music again, and my hunger for creativity increased. I highly suspect that NoFap will help with your depressional state.
Meditation, and especially loving-kindness meditation also really helped me to fight depression.

Hope you found at least something useful in what I wrote. I honestly think it's too much of a leap to start fancying about women yet. Break down your problems and solve them step by step. Focus on being a decent human and a respectable man, build a solid social circle and then keep on being happy. Even meeting online people are fine. I can't tell you how much my online friends helped me. I met people that have the same interest as me, that are very open-minded and that also sense the wonder of this world, like I do. Honestly, I don't think I'd have been out of the hole completely without them.

Hang in there, and be the master of your mind. Never ever sleep depressed. Watch what you feed on to your subconscious mind, especially before going to bed.

Thanks a lot for your words, and sharing your story too! Before posting my issues here, I used to think, no one has done similar shits like me! But I already can see, there are many of us alike! I see hope there. If you guys can get out of it, so can I. I will start changing!