06-30-2018, 12:23 PM
Drove around yesterday before going to another friend of mine, while having a friend of mine with me, and we had the music loud. Some car next to us had its window open, and the guy, before driving off/pulling up, made some challenging remark. I didnt respond at all. Like it was air and amusing. This is some huge progress through h/c. I remained composed.
"Did he just call out?" Yeah. "Oh, pulls up like a boss as the traffic lights turned green" its like ultimate self amusement and non neediness, focus damn strong *shrugs*
Anyways, h/c is kicking my ass. Some serious memories surface along with some inner dialogue and tension, my mind spinning in bordering panic at times. Am totally going inward and feel like zoning out and get knocked out. Some real deep changes are taking place and im sort of aware of it. Nothing concrete, but more of something huge. Socially Im dull. Lost my mojo and am almost isolated. I rather drop asleep then anything else. Drive is gone, entrepreneurship is also met with resistance. Like, as soon as I want to create im facing serious knock out feelings. Like all is demanded by h/c. Many things are faced, past stuff, especially comments of people affecting me.
On the other hand, all in the way of DMSI is dissolving. Like Im turning into pure sex. Like even more then before. Like being sex incarnated and agressively pushed. Almost tunnel like/tunneling.
Inner chaos, depression come up and am continually on instagram like a compulsion and it irks me. I dont like it is a sentiment surfacing. I find myself scrolling aimlessly till the point it pisses me off. I know its wasting my time. Insta is great for going ham on, but not aimlessly passively scrolling like a zombie, chasing a drug in which IDGAF to begin with. Whatever it is, h/c demands all. Sex is almost non existant in my priority.
"Did he just call out?" Yeah. "Oh, pulls up like a boss as the traffic lights turned green" its like ultimate self amusement and non neediness, focus damn strong *shrugs*
Anyways, h/c is kicking my ass. Some serious memories surface along with some inner dialogue and tension, my mind spinning in bordering panic at times. Am totally going inward and feel like zoning out and get knocked out. Some real deep changes are taking place and im sort of aware of it. Nothing concrete, but more of something huge. Socially Im dull. Lost my mojo and am almost isolated. I rather drop asleep then anything else. Drive is gone, entrepreneurship is also met with resistance. Like, as soon as I want to create im facing serious knock out feelings. Like all is demanded by h/c. Many things are faced, past stuff, especially comments of people affecting me.
On the other hand, all in the way of DMSI is dissolving. Like Im turning into pure sex. Like even more then before. Like being sex incarnated and agressively pushed. Almost tunnel like/tunneling.
Inner chaos, depression come up and am continually on instagram like a compulsion and it irks me. I dont like it is a sentiment surfacing. I find myself scrolling aimlessly till the point it pisses me off. I know its wasting my time. Insta is great for going ham on, but not aimlessly passively scrolling like a zombie, chasing a drug in which IDGAF to begin with. Whatever it is, h/c demands all. Sex is almost non existant in my priority.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus