DMSI 3.2 it's official

[Shannon]

Went out to the bar last night with my friends. It was chill. Sat down and a couple minutes a girl I knew from high school who I had a thing for showed up. Wanted her to look at me and give me attention. But then I said **** it, if she does she does and if not I'm just here having a good time with friends. Well not so much as a glance from her, but maybe it was just part of the clearing. See this girl liked me in high school but I ***** it all up by being too anxious. Now this wasn't simple nerves. I was a hardcore recluse back then and I tried to explain to her that I liked her too but I was just messed up in the head and was really anxious around her. She didn't get it and moved on. And like a chump I pined after her for months after that. That was pretty much my first experience with a girl liking me and then pretty much being repulsed by me all in the span of a few weeks.

Other than that nothing happened. But I was able to walk around the bar with the vibe of owning my space and not giving a shit what others thought. Few glances here and there. Just trying to get more comfortable with being dominant and not self conscious about being noticed.

I get the indifference mentality. I feel like I'm taking on the mentality of a guy who's already slept with a ton of women. So I'm not compromising my own frame for the sake of getting laid. That being said I'll be the first to admit that this is only good if I end up fulfilling the goal of dmsi. Otherwise I'm using it as a convenient excuse. I wouldn't say my standards are high, but I do have a particular type I'm into. I thought about it and asked myself why would I waste my time sleeping with a woman that does nothing for me? Just to prove I could? I'm more into the punk/artsy/fringe type of women. But my current location is pretty much populated by the exact opposite of that. Again I don't know if it's resistance, but no matter how hot a girl is if she's incredibly one dimensional and entitled that's an instant turnoff.

Black and white thinking is never accurate in a shades of gray world, my friend. Very important lesson to understanding that.

I'm doing my best. It's one of my bad habits. In general I've always been an all or nothing person and it's stifled me. But where I'm coming from is I have a tendency to think I'm making all these realizations and breakthroughs and it's hard to weed out actual progress vs inflating my own ego. I've had a history of that. But I guess that's black and white too. IDK, it's just hard to understand what's going on behind the scenes at times. Am I making progress? Am I tricking myself into thinking I'm making progress? Is it a combination of both?

Having been in shoes very similar to yours, I'd say I'm seeing really good progress.

Remember, there are always reasons and options that are not obvious to you. Therefore, never make snap judgements, and never allow yourself to engage in black and white thinking.

That is a summary of what one of my wisest mentors ever once told me, and I have yet to stop benefiting from that advice even decades later.

[mat422]

Thanks Shannon, it's good to get some positive outside feedback once in a while so I know I'm heading in the right direction. Feels like I'm flying blind sometimes. Those are wise words indeed. I'm going to focus more on how my black and white thinking manifests in my life.

[mat422]

I think part of getting myself to execute is by circumventing all these subconscious booby traps. I've discovered a prominent one. It seems my subconscious attempts to get me to "trust it completely and let it do what it needs to do". Unfortunately this means without conscious intervention it does what it wants, runs away. That's in the form of tiredness or this really weird sort of daydreaming I do that detaches me from reality. So now I don't give free reign to my subconscious. If it does something I don't like I say no and redirect it to what I do want. This realization came about when I read a couple posts from Shannon about the subconscious being really really convincing. I noticed I'd label this resistance as "healing" or "working through the pain". So I kept going back to it thinking it was the right way when really it was a diversion tactic.

I'm learning to center myself, breathe, and focus my mind. As long as I can focus I'm good. I understand I'm the one in control and I control my actions. My subconscious may be really powerful, but I made the mistake of assuming if I just let go it would guide me in the right direction. Maybe part of it is on board, but it seems the resistant part has more influence and I can't allow it to control my actions.

It's no doubt very tricky. It manifests as this psychological itch I want to scratch, but when I do my subconscious takes that opportunity to derail me. I've also noticed I simultaneously want to meet women, but when I actually get attention I internally freak out a bit. I'm probably giving off very mixed signals.

I'm also embracing being strong. No longer telling myself I'm weak. I've dealt with some stuff in my life and it really made me feel I was weak and pathetic. But I get how powerful we as humans are and how resilient we can be. And this world can be dark at times, other people can have your back at times but it's important to be strong enough to overcome things alone. A lot of people aren't aware, empathetic, or exist in a higher conscious state. I don't subscribe to the new age beliefs I once did about seeing the good in everyone. That stems from putting others before myself. My goal now is to be strong enough to stand toe to toe with the negative people of this world and come out on top. People can and will mess with you if they think they can, so at this point in my life I think I'm better off making those manipulative people think twice about that. I think being raised to be overly nice to people has made me a target. No more of that, I'm not holding back anymore for the sake of being a "nicer" person.

[findingme]

So I wrote in Sarge's journal about my car's suspension breaking. Well turns out it was body rot. This car is old, 1993, and it was a beater. No more money is going into it. I told myself screw this, I'm doing a lot of mileage now and I need a reliable car so I'm going to be financing a used one. I'm buying a 2011 subaru legacy. Why I feel this is relevant to DMSI haha? Well for as long as I've been alive I've always lived in the broken reality, the one where I just get by, I'm not allowed to have nice things, I just have to settle for "good enough". But I feel like that old car is practically a metaphor for me breaking away from a old limiting reality and embracing a new one. I'm by no means splurging on this car, it's well within my ability to pay off. But a few months ago I was convinced I was just going to keep buying crappy car after crappy car.

It's not women related, but to me I see this as progress towards breaking out of a very limited scarcity filled mentality.

I'll be starting DMSI soon, and those little "perks" are what I'm really looking for. Changing my mindset is the primary reason for using subliminals, so thanks for sharing this

[dissonance]

It's crazy how detailed and aware you are of exactly what is going on with your state. For me, it feels like the slipstream is making me not notice the changes. Or maybe I'm not consciously trying to be aware or notice them as much as you. Anyways it's interesting to read.

[Spiral]

I'm also embracing being strong. No longer telling myself I'm weak. I've dealt with some stuff in my life and it really made me feel I was weak and pathetic. But I get how powerful we as humans are and how resilient we can be. And this world can be dark at times, other people can have your back at times but it's important to be strong enough to overcome things alone. A lot of people aren't aware, empathetic, or exist in a higher conscious state. I don't subscribe to the new age beliefs I once did about seeing the good in everyone. That stems from putting others before myself. My goal now is to be strong enough to stand toe to toe with the negative people of this world and come out on top. People can and will mess with you if they think they can, so at this point in my life I think I'm better off making those manipulative people think twice about that. I think being raised to be overly nice to people has made me a target. No more of that, I'm not holding back anymore for the sake of being a "nicer" person.

Thanks for the reminder, Mat. something I still struggle with these days. We gotta know how to protect ourselves.

[mat422]

I'll be starting DMSI soon, and those little "perks" are what I'm really looking for. Changing my mindset is the primary reason for using subliminals, so thanks for sharing this Thumbsup

You'll definitely enjoy it. I feel like since starting DMSI I've learned to harness the power of my mind more. Really understanding how these subliminals are tools for something much greater.

It's crazy how detailed and aware you are of exactly what is going on with your state. For me, it feels like the slipstream is making me not notice the changes. Or maybe I'm not consciously trying to be aware or notice them as much as you. Anyways it's interesting to read.

I've always had incredibly high awareness of what goes on inside my mind. It's been both a blessing and a curse. But I'm glad it interests someone. Half the time I feel like my posts are nonsensical ramblings.

Thanks for the reminder, Mat. something I still struggle with these days. We gotta know how to protect ourselves.

Always good to see someone get something from my posts. Yeah, I've found those most exploited are the kindest souls. Unfortunately I think a lot of people growing up are told that having morals and a kind disposition will move them forward in life with ease. Then reality hits and it's ugly.

---

So quick post for anyone struggling to execute with dmsi. Remember that resistance is the actions you take or exhibit, not the feelings within your body. I'll elaborate on my discovery and what it means to me.

Basically I've been trying way way too hard to figure out how to let go of things or heal emotionally. What I labeled resistance, the compulsion to go inward and heal that I thought was actually derailing me, was in fact instructions from DMSI to improve myself through the healing. What was resistance was the refusal to follow those instructions and simultaneously label those helpful instructions as "resistance" in order to get my mind to stop executing. Basically things were swapped. Mind games. In addition to that there existed the fear that if I went back in to heal the emotional stuff I'd get sucked in and lose my way and end up in a pit of despair like in the past.

My point being. This idea of resistance somehow being perceivable within you is a sensation is more than likely not true. You have to be mindful of your actions. Very very mindful. Especially for me I had to be aware of how I was letting go. What I initially felt was relaxation and reducing stress, was actually detachment from the instructions of DMSI. I initially felt better, but then I realized it was just another form of control to escape the effects of DMSI.

Along with that was fear. The need to understand how this all works, which lead me to over analyzing everything. But at the heart of it is the fear of losing control, which is just that a fear. It won't actually happen, I'm just afraid it will. But understanding that allows me continue on and not get wrapped up in that fear and all the what ifs attached to it.

[mat422]

Rough day today. Had nothing to do with work. Work was slow. I guess I'm just clearing some more stuff. I've definitely been more mindful of my black and white thinking and it made me realize how I was doing that with the healing process. Basically I assumed if I didn't feel 100% good then I was messing up somehow. So I'd try and try to feel better, but just kept stuffing stuff down. It seems I had this idea in my head of what healing should look like vs what it actually is. Now I'm just observing what comes up, not fighting it, understanding it's all part of the process of healing. It doesn't feel particularly good when I'm processing it, but when it clears I do feel better. The key is throwing away how I think I should feel vs how I actually feel. I realized there's still a lot of stuff that I tell myself doesn't effect me, but some part of me is impacted by it. Basically at this point I'm learning to ride the waves instead of fighting them. Creating a space for me to just be without judgement so the healing can take place which has been surprisingly hard to do.

On that note I've realized all this effort to execute is due to these blocks I'm working on. I'd imagine that once these are removed there isn't going to be a trying because I'll automatically do what it is I'm trying to do. All these thoughts that make it seem like all this is incredibly difficult are just a result of beliefs I have to remove. Once I do that I imagine most of this having sex with women thing will be as simple as tying my shoes. It's just a matter of getting rid of those old beliefs that were setup by years of having difficulty with all this as well as the terrible PUA books I read over the years.

[mat422]

It's really strange, but I feel like I'm relearning everything in my life. Like I've done everything incredibly wrong up till this point. It's basically the equivalent of someone setting out to learn a skill without proper guidance. Yeah sure you can get there fumbling around, but if you reached out for the right resources and help you probably could have gotten there a lot faster and with less frustration.

I'm really focusing on letting go of things. I took a more mindfulness based approach to all this, but I realized I will still hanging on to stuff. Merely observing emotions isn't enough if you never plan to detach from them completely. So now I'm consciously engaging in detaching from the negative stuff that influences my life.

Also noticed I was heading towards that neverending healing loop again. I've been reminding myself to take a proactive approach to healing. Find my sticking points and let them go. None of this waiting for the one day when I'm healed enough to execute. No, it's all about finding what stops me from executing and doing my best to resolve it.

Also picked up Reality Transurfing again. Reading through the first few pages and it was like everything the author was saying is what I've been thinking these past few days about life in general. I definitely think my subconscious guided me to this book again.

[Zane]

You are listening to "A" right? How long?

[findingme]

Matt,
I caught your caffeine post to Shannon this morning before you deleted it. You said it actually helped you. And I'm also remembering your update in Shannon's journal saying it was an attempt to jump off or derail DMSI. What's your take on caffeine use presently?

I'm seeing I've used caffeine for over 6 years, and it increased steadily. But some guys have lost interest in it while using DMSI, and I'm wondering "could I do this?"

Lastly, if I remember correctly, I think I saw you reply to someone weeks back saying it helped you with sub execution by pulling off caffeine. Was this you? If not, nevermind.

[mat422]

You are listening to "A" right? How long?

Yeah, I think I'm coming up on my third cycle.

Matt,
I caught your caffeine post to Shannon this morning before you deleted it. You said it actually helped you. And I'm also remembering your update in Shannon's journal saying it was an attempt to jump off or derail DMSI. What's your take on caffeine use presently?

I'm seeing I've used caffeine for over 6 years, and it increased steadily. But some guys have lost interest in it while using DMSI, and I'm wondering "could I do this?"

Lastly, if I remember correctly, I think I saw you reply to someone weeks back saying it helped you with sub execution by pulling off caffeine. Was this you? If not, nevermind.

Caffeine derails dmsi. It felt like I was executing better, but it was just more like my conscious mind got the upper hand control wise. Either it boosted my ability to resist through conscious means or it cut off that influence from the subconscious. Almost like caffeine destroys the metaphorical bridge between the two. I don't drink caffeine routinely. Occasionally I'll have a cup of coffee here and there but I definitely notice it throws off everything. I've been off caffeine for a while now. Having a history of depression and anxiety I recognized it only made those worse in me, so it was a no brainer. I also don't like being dependent on a substance to get through the day.

Yeah I think that was Ben's journal. It's hard to describe because I'm very in tune with my states of being. But caffeine ruins that ability to shift into what dmsi is attempting. It's a bit like jamming up the gear shift in a car and getting stuck in one gear.

[mat422]

This healing is hitting me hard. I was on tinder today and found myself being overly judgemental with some girls on there. This isn't a standards thing. I honestly hate my judgemental side. Every weakness, flaw, insecurity, that I see in people reflects my own disposition to mine and I become incredibly judgemental. I cannot stop it, it's such a knee jerk reaction. I don't want to be this way. Some people don't care, they openly judge, mock, and criticize others without a care in the world. Even though I'm painfully aware of it, I do the same, I just don't open my mouth. The difference is I don't want this, I want to be a better person. I want to stop being so goddamn superficial when it comes to human beings in general. Everything has to be perfect in my eyes otherwise it feels worthless.

I've tried for years and years to be a good person. Seeing the best in people. But there's such a nasty judgemental side to me that can be outright disgusted with people if it triggers my own insecurities. People think I'm such a kind person, but I'm really selfish and judgemental. There's a darkness in me that I just cover up day to day.

Truth be told I have trouble accepting love from anyone. I hear the words and their actions towards me but I feel numb to it. It doesn't feel real, it doesn't feel like I've done anything to deserve it. It feels a bit like looking up at the sky and trying to convince yourself it's green. And yeah it fucking hurts living like that. Life just becomes this journey where you're doing your best to stay ahead just enough to be sort of happy, but feeling like you have a giant gaping hole missing in yourself. I think I've been attempting to fill that hole with this obsession with being super successful and being someone important or famous or whatever. But it gets to the point like now where it hits me that these things aren't going to make me any happier. I have to create my own goals and dreams that I want for myself, not fill some void in me. And I think to do that I still have a lot of healing to do.

I don't know what went wrong in my life for me to be like this, but it's definitely a core problem. I need to work on this before I work on anything else in my life.

[mat422]

Feels like I went through hell and back. But I'm learning important lessons. There's no doubt a great deal of healing I still need to work on, but I'm getting better with not getting sucked into it. My focus is now on identification and releasing of negative emotions and thoughts. It's not just mindless pushing forward and hoping for the best. It's identifying the blocks within me and choosing to no longer accept them.

This whole theme of being unlovable or worthless is my choice if I choose not to let go of it. Nobody will change this mindset except me. No amount of external love or validation will magically fix me. If I want to be better I have to make that choice.

All this suffering, it's taught me a valuable lesson. I feel like I've been through the lowest of lows a human can experience on an emotional level and it's taught me not to be afraid of it. To be open to it and understand it's part of being human, but at the same time I don't need to be a slave to it. Emotional upsets and events can happen at any given time, but I always have control with how I respond to those events. In a way it's a form of control to believe you don't have control. That's just another belief system that you can take on with regards to the ups and downs of life.