In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[mat422]

Debating if I should go up to 4 loops of dmsi. I had a whole post typed out, but the gist of it was I screwed up at work today and I just panicked. And no matter how hard I tried to calm myself it didn't work. It hurt to realize that despite all this work, years of subliminals, I still crumble under these stupid minor events. I just don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want every little mistake to feel like a life or death situation. It messes with my happiness so much.

I think I'm still held back by the fear of losing myself or control of who I am. It legitimately feels like I have a split personality and I'm killing off the old self, as if it were a person and it just feels wrong. I don't know how to resolve that feeling. Maybe it's a parasitic relationship and I shouldn't feel sympathy. I mean can negative thoughts eventually gain so much power that they become a sort of autonomous being inside of yourself that is independent of "you"? I've been trying to resolve this with peace and harmony, gently encouraging this self to follow along, but maybe that's not the right approach. Maybe it just needs to be wiped out, no more mercy. Treat this thing like an unwanted invasion inside of me.

[mat422]

Decided to up to 4 loops starting last night. I've been fighting so hard to not slip into old habits which means I'm not giving my brain enough exposure to the sub. I don't like the way 4 loops makes me feel, but it's for the best. I'm sick of living this way, giving too much of a shit what other people think of me, being too afraid to change situations that I'm unhappy with, in general just feeling locked into things and being less flexible with how I live my life. I don't want to accept who I am as a copout for not pushing my comfort zone and facing my fears. Pushing the boundaries of what I deem as my reality is my ultimate goal. Self acceptance is important, but it can get tricky if you use it as a form of complacency or accepting "good enough".

The closer I come to changing this current lifestyle, the more fear I induce. But I have to keep going despite that. I wish there was an easier way, but if there was I don't think I would be having as much trouble as I do in my life.

[Superman]

I don't think 4 loops would hurt, I've done much more. What I find is that at first it really hits you and then as you continue it smooths out.

[mat422]

I don't think 4 loops would hurt, I've done much more. What I find is that at first it really hits you and then as you continue it smooths out.

Yeah I've gone all the way up to 6 in the past. It's just about balancing the demands of the sub with goal. Last time I upped the loops my cognition took a nosedive which made it harder to perform my job. Hard to say if that was resistance based or I was overloading my brain.

---

Had a moment of seriously contemplating quitting DMSI altogether. Thinking the fear is too great and I'm just basically in a stalemate with my subconscious. But I think I keep waiting for this big breakthrough and maybe I'm expecting the wrong thing. Even though I'm not executing 100%, there's definitely still changes going on so I just need to chill out and stop worrying so much. Most if not all of my stress comes about because I keep waiting for that big moment of clarity instead enjoying my life. And I'm so obsessed with obtaining the effects of DMSI because I've put so many demands on myself to be this 100% confident perfect type person. When really I should be working towards bettering myself, but at the same time not be afraid to put myself out there as I am. Not waiting until I'm the ideal image of myself before acting.

I've also realized I'm not acknowledging my emotional pain enough. I've been treating it as this unwanted thing in my body instead of realizing it's me and it's coming from somewhere that needs compassion. Criticizing myself for having these fears and at times intense loneliness instead of providing support for myself has been my downfall. I lack compassion for myself and I thought I could fill that void through external achievements.

[mat422]

Screw it, gonna just spill my thoughts here. I'll be honest running this sub I feel like I should be having a ton of success with girls and all these other little insights are just lame achievements. But I'm seriously digging into some core emotional things lately. Things that make me question just what the hell I've been striving for for years now.

I never wanted my heart to turn cold, but unfortunately that's what happened. I see people laugh and smile and all I can think is it's fake. I see people being kind to me and all I can think is how they don't really like me. Going through life constantly looking out for how to avoid being hurt or screwed over, instead of taking the time to appreciate the good out there. All these defense mechanisms. Being aloof, not getting too emotionally invested in people, being a loner. Having this feeling that the world is out to get me. It sucks and I just formed that conclusion based on all the evidence I collected over the years. And then I systematically cherry picked events that reinforced that view.

I've got my faults. Life can definitely screw you over, but you have to constantly try to find the good. Because if you dwell too much in the negative it's a dark spiral. And everything just gets worse from there as you expect life to unfold in the worst way possible.

[mat422]

4 loops has been alright. Going to bump it up to 6. I think 6 is the sweet spot for me. Makes me dead tired but I'm literally dragged into what I want. Last time I was at 6 I felt really close to destroying my comfort zone and it terrified me. But I gotta do this. This is really my only option at this point as I've realized I can't make myself cooperate except through brute force.

[mat422]

I notice the resistance is very strong but I'm able to overcome it now. Stuff like mindlessly browsing the internet has stopped and my mind focuses on things that are more important. I feel myself tensing up and fidgeting throughout the day like I'm trying to escape something. But 6 loops is enough to where I'm automatically moving towards execution without thinking about it so much or trying. Interestingly enough prior to 6 loops I noticed I'd get very sleepy at times when it felt like I was resisting, but now it's like I'm moving through stuff instead of running away

Got a message from a girl on OkCupid. I haven't had a message from anyone in quite a few months. The fact that this happened after switching to 6 loops tells me that I was blocking the manifestation of dmsi due to fear. This is exactly what happened the first time I switched to 6 loops, felt like I was being pushed beyond my comfort zone in a way where it was automatic. I'm noticing fears, doubts, excuses, as to why this stuff isn't possible for me and understanding just how strongly it influences my reality. If anything for years I've been doing the exact opposite of DMSI which was making myself invisible and actively rejecting girls. There's definitely a strong belief system in place that I need to destroy and replace.

[kalmah0804]

Realizing that you're truly resisting out of fear and the deep-set beliefs that are core to your values and self-identity that prevent you from being what DMSI is teling you to be is in of itself a huge realization! I'm ging through the same shit right now with WM--there's a hell of a lot of fear, anger and frustration and it all stems from myself never ever being able to ell myself or see myself in a masculine, sexually attractive, powerful sort of way--and that's going to slowly but surely change the more I use the sub, and the same goes for you, dude!

[mat422]

My mind's throwing all kinds of crap at me today. I've been thinking about switching back to 2 loops because Shannon said it was optimal. But I think this is just my subconscious trying to weasel it's way out of the influence of the sub. Also me worrying that I'm using DMSI the wrong way. But I've realized two things. 2 loops is optimal for most people. I'm not most people. I've got a lot of crap I have to deal with and a lot of reluctance to dealing with that crap. And if 6 loops was truly causing me to sabotage myself it would be evident in my actions and self dialogue. But so far I've had far less rumination on 6 loops, I don't fall into my depressive spirals, and I've had this smoothness to myself where I'm not being overly calculating with my actions and state of being. Living in the moment, feeling what it's like to just be and stop over analyzing every little thing I do or say.

However 6 loops does put a strain on my brain. Writing this out I have probably made at least a few mistakes. Dropped words here and there. But as of right now it seems like the only way to bypass my resistance is to really hammer it with more loops. Maybe with 3.2 that won't be as necessary, but for now I'll take the drop in mental performance if it means moving forward with my life and to stop living with so much fear.

[Determined]

My mind's throwing all kinds of crap at me today.

Bruh, that statement indicates that you have an external locus of control. You might want to look into it.

[mat422]

My mind's throwing all kinds of crap at me today.

Bruh, that statement indicates that you have an external locus of control. You might want to look into it.

In what way? I was just talking about how the resistance manifests not necessarily about myself. I find that often there are subtle attempts to derail my progress from my subconscious in the form of doubt that can be incredibly sneaky.

[Determined]

"I find that often there are subtle attempts to derail my progress from my subconscious"

again that's another external locus of control statement.

Edit: Your subconscious is apart of you. It's role is to protect you and keep you alive. You can influence your subconscious. You can also influence the quality and type of your thoughts. If you feel that your brain is holding you hostage then you're attributing it's control to outside of yourself which is external locus of control.

[mat422]

"I find that often there are subtle attempts to derail my progress from my subconscious"

again that's another external locus of control statement.

Edit: Your subconscious is apart of you. It's role is to protect you and keep you alive. You can influence your subconscious. You can also influence the quality and type of your thoughts. If you feel that your brain is holding you hostage then you're attributing it's control to outside of yourself which is external locus of control.

Ok I get it now. The thing is this is a longstanding habit for me. I was ruled by my subconscious for most my life. No matter what I did or tried I kept fucking up in life. It's hard to reframe that in a day. But I appreciate you bringing attention to it. It does give me some stuff to think about.

[Determined]

You can start by building your relationship with your subconscious mind. It's there to help you. If it's screwing it over it's because you've trained it to do that at some point in life.

I'll invite you to imagine what kind of relationship Shannon has with his subconscious mind. If you can imagine having that too then you're on the right track