I'm just a sexy boy... DMSI 3.1

[ichigo]

Side note: Organic Raw Cacao seems to be a powerful food source for the aura.

Edit: Found my old journal available online which I had to delete for privacy reasons here - https://web.archive.org/web/201612150517...-7537.html

[ichigo]

DAY 43 (Day 11 of B version)

2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream

I'm a little confused as to whether to run version A or B. I've seen it said that version B is a fastest and more turbulent way to the end goal, but I'm finding it smoother than version A.

As version B doesn't include the Goal B scripting on self confidence etc., should I swap back to version A if I want that specifically, or will version B get me there indirectly?

I'm not around many women lately due to my circumstances. Not many at work and then I'm just at home with my girlfriend.

Do you guys think this is a butt presentation (attached), or a coincidental posture? Also, would she most likely be conscious of this, or would it be a subconscious manoeuvre on her part in response to the aura?

[Darkness]

It seems coincidence because it's not extra in any way

[Blacksheep]

(............)

[ichigo]

Day 45 (Day 13 of B version)

2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream

I've had really bad headaches the past couple of days, I'm pretty sure it was caused by introducing stevia into my coffee/tea. Since cutting it out the headache seems to have disappeared so that's good.

I'm getting less needy on version B in regards to my girlfriend. I'm also starting to feel I have other options and that she doesn't treat me with the care and love with which I treat her. She picked up on this, she's been much more affectionate and pressing me about whether I think we'll stay together forever and such. She offered to give me oral yesterday, she sent me a message at work saying she wants to sallow my cum. She hates swallowing and has done it perhaps twice very early on in the relationship when she was still trying hard to keep me.

I'm not feeling much resistance on version B, to be honest it's not feeling much like anything. I'm getting urges to switch back to version A for the Goal 2 reasons, but seeing as if you can handle version B it seems the consensus is that it will get you to the goal of being irresistibly sexually attractive faster, I'll stick with B.

[LionKing]

Same observation here: did B and felt some discomfort but in general emotionally better and lighter and like not that much was being processed. More results, but felt like I should be on A because that felt "harder" in a way. Though I did feel off place on B - like I didn't know what to say in social situations anymore, so I just stayed quiet. Now on A, but I dunno.

[ichigo]

Day 49 (Day 17 of B version)

2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream

I felt good for a couple of days, but then felt really miserable yesterday. I think I'm depressed with my work situation currently. It's not giving me fulfilment. I've been thinking back to my idea about creating a website which breaks down acting performances. I've found some really interesting channels on Youtube that involve breaking down famous films and TV screenplays, but there isn't much on breaking down an actors performance in particular. Here's an example of something I've seen that comes close, but not really - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgs-saf5Se8

My original plan was to break down performances via text, and then link to youtube videos of the particular part I am talking about, but I think it would be much better if it's done via video in a professional manner. Unfortunately, I know nothing about video editing and I don't currently have a laptop that could probably handle the requirements of running such software effectively. It's going to be a big task to learn all that stuff.

I'm feeling frustrated because I don't have much opportunity to do this at work, and then when I get home I work out, eat, do chores, spend time with my girlfriend and then go to sleep. When I try and do some work on it in the evenings she gets pissed off because I'm not paying her enough attention.

IOI wise, girls stare at me a lot when I'm with my girlfriend. No panty displays though, which I'm hoping will happen one day. She's also been calling me "sexy" a lot lately, asking me if I know how sexy I am and stuff like this.

DMSI is working, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth me running it. I used to enjoy the validation of the IOIs, but now the novelty has worn off and I don't really care. It's become the new norm. I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend, so what's the point of running the sub? Also, it makes me very tired. I'm having thoughts that Maximum Learning Speed when released might be worth swapping to, as it might help me with writing the acting stuff that I want to... but as always, I ask myself, is this just resistance? What if it's DMSI that is pushing me toward the acting stuff? Then I should stick with it and push through, so I'll stay on DMSI vB.

I'm starting to feel a little trapped... for reasons I feel guilty about. I love my girlfriend and I don't regret being with her, but I was a virgin before her, and we jumped into a relationship straight away and it's been over six months now. I was equally bad in pushing this forwards, and she literally moved location and job so she could be with me. I could see myself with her for the rest of my life, but then she's going to be the only woman I've ever had sex with. I kind of want to bring up the subject of her letting me sleep with other women, as she knows she's the only one I've slept with, but I'm pretty certain she won't be into that and will interpret it as "I'm not good enough for him" as she's already quite insecure in our relationship. Also me bringing up the idea will forever plant the thought in her mind that I want sex with other women, whereas at the moment she's happy thinking I only ever want to have sex with her. I feel like it would permanently taint our relationship.

When we first starting going out, I was so thrilled to lose my virginity as I worried it would never happen, I believed that I would be satisfied only ever having had sex with her. But now I worry if that was a mistake, not because I don't want to be with her, but because it means I'm going to have missed out on a lot of life experiences. Basically I made some immature decisions early on, but now for me to bring this subject up is going to only hurt her to benefit myself, which is a selfish act, and because it's my fault I think I should just live with my decision. Or another option is sleeping with other women without telling her, but I don't think I could do that, as if she found out it would be heart breaking for her.

I'm actually having huge urges to swap to AM6, but I don't want to go back to 5G technology. I'm definitely going to run AM7 the moment it's released, but it's so far away. So for now I guess it makes sense to just stick with DMSI.

[ichigo]

Day 51 (Day 19 of B version)

2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream

Had a talk with my girlfriend last night, we were discussing how we were perfect for each other and how lucky we were to have each other. I asked if I could be honest with her, she said yes, and I told her that I know I could spend the rest of my life with her and be happy, but I was disappointed in myself for my lack of sexual experience (I was a virgin before her). I said I felt my lack of experience made me a shallower and less interesting person, and that I regretted that my sex life before her had been ruled by fear. That my past before her was one of cowardice.

I wanted to gauge her response, and she looked so upset I immediately felt awful for having said anything. She told me she understood, but now the seed had been planted for her that I have regrets about not having slept with other women. She told me that because she loved me and wanted me to be happy, she would want me to get some more experiences with women, because she would rather I had the experiences and then chose her after them, than spending the rest of my life with her whilst having secret regrets. She suggested we have a break, but said she wouldn't want to sleep with anybody else, so essentially she wanted to give me free reign to go out and have sex with other girls for a while.

But she looked so sad, I felt so awful for mentioning it. It also showed me how much she loved me, to be willing to do that for me, as she already feels really insecure that I might find other girls more attractive than her. I told her she got the wrong idea, and that I wouldn't want to do anything with any other women since meeting her, I was saying it was strictly how I felt about my past before meeting her.

Deep down though I think she knew why I brought it up. I'm going to leave it for a while to give her time to think and process. I'll leave it up to her, if she brings it up again of her own volition, we can discuss it, if not I'm not willing to hurt her and won't bring it up again.

[Duke.Togo]

It's better to hurt her a little today than to hurt her a lot tomorrow.

If you've got an itch that you haven't scratched, you need to scratch it first. Otherwise, at some point down the road, no matter how much you love your girlfriend, you're going to resent not having the experiences you've wanted.

It's better that you take the break and go do what you want. At least that way you'll know for sure.

My unsought two-cents for you...

[ichigo]

It's better to hurt her a little today than to hurt her a lot tomorrow.

If you've got an itch that you haven't scratched, you need to scratch it first. Otherwise, at some point down the road, no matter how much you love your girlfriend, you're going to resent not having the experiences you've wanted.

It's better that you take the break and go do what you want. At least that way you'll know for sure.

My unsought two-cents for you...

Thanks for the advice Duke!

My concern is if we take this break, I sleep with a few girls, and then we get back together, won't our relationship forever be tainted and won't she always resent that it happened?

I'm even considering the better option would be to take our conversation as implied consent for sleeping with other women, and to do it and not tell her. In that way I get the experiences, and if she never finds out then her feelings don't get hurt.

But then I don't think I could look at her the same way with a lie like that hanging over me. So it's probably better to just leave it.

[Duke.Togo]

It's better to hurt her a little today than to hurt her a lot tomorrow.

If you've got an itch that you haven't scratched, you need to scratch it first. Otherwise, at some point down the road, no matter how much you love your girlfriend, you're going to resent not having the experiences you've wanted.

It's better that you take the break and go do what you want. At least that way you'll know for sure.

My unsought two-cents for you...

Thanks for the advice Duke!

My concern is if we take this break, I sleep with a few girls, and then we get back together, won't our relationship forever be tainted and won't she always resent that it happened?

I'm even considering the better option would be to take our conversation as implied consent for sleeping with other women, and to do it and not tell her. In that way I get the experiences, and if she never finds out then her feelings don't get hurt.

But then I don't think I could look at her the same way with a lie like that hanging over me. So it's probably better to just leave it.

You can choose to leave her in the dark, but I agree, that would ruin your relationship with her completely, and would definitely break her heart if she ever found out the wrong way.

Here's where I can give you a perspective from age. I'm 41 now, I'm fairly sure you're a lot younger than I am. When I look back at my life, I don't have any regrets, partially because I made sure that I wouldn't by doing anything and everything that I wanted to do. It was an incredibly selfish way to live, and I wrongly hurt some people along the way. However, in the end it turned out for the best for all involved.

What you have to ask yourself is, 5, 10, 15 years from now, are you going to regret the fact that you hurt your girlfriend or that you didn't experience everything you wanted to.

There is no right or wrong answer, only what is right or wrong for you.

At the end of the day, you have to live with your decisions and their consequences.

[RTBoss]

You're going to have to decide for yourself if "sacrificing" your desire to sleep around is worth the commitment and love you want to share with this woman. If she is the "love of your life," is it really sacrifice if what you gain holds more value than what you've given up?

You're still young, and you're not married - yet. You could enjoy a few years with her, and then perhaps something happens and it doesn't work out. Who knows? Then you can have a few years of gallivanting, if that's what you want. Or, you'll find you're relieved you didn't go sleeping around and fully committed yourself to her.

When I think about what I'm "missing out on," while married, I simply remember back to the times I had sex with women I had no feelings for. The excitement leading up to, and the short time during, completely disappeared following the experience - and I truly felt as if I had merely rubbed one out. There is truly no better sexual experience than sleeping with a woman you share a loving bond with.

That's just my experience.

[Duke.Togo]

You're going to have to decide for yourself if "sacrificing" your desire to sleep around is worth the commitment and love you want to share with this woman. If she is the "love of your life," is it really sacrifice if what you gain holds more value than what you've given up?

You're still young, and you're not married - yet. You could enjoy a few years with her, and then perhaps something happens and it doesn't work out. Who knows? Then you can have a few years of gallivanting, if that's what you want. Or, you'll find you're relieved you didn't go sleeping around and fully committed yourself to her.

When I think about what I'm "missing out on," while married, I simply remember back to the times I had sex with women I had no feelings for. The excitement leading up to, and the short time during, completely disappeared following the experience - and I truly felt as if I had merely rubbed one out. There is truly no better sexual experience than sleeping with a woman you share a loving bond with.

That's just my experience.

And this statement right here, is why I consider RT the rock, no, the mountain of this forum.

No truer words have been written.

Ichigo, I chose a direction in my life, and as I stated, it was a selfish direction that resulted in me hurting people along the way, yet, I got what I wanted out of it in the end.

Now, I said in my previous post, you have to look at where you want to be later in your life.

I've slept with over 100 women, yet have no commitments and at the end of the day, it was just sex.

RT has the love of his life, a beautiful family, and his intimate experiences with his wife are uniquely special.

If you love your girlfriend, I would take what RT posted and use that as a guiding mantra.

Love, will always trump sex. And believe me, after a while, having sex with a hot woman becomes the equivalent of just having another hole to bang. Notches are just notches.

Again, my two cents. Whatever you do, make sure it will make you happy in the long run.

[ichigo]

Day 53 (Day 21 of B version)

2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream

Thanks for your advice guys, it means a lot. When I read your first post Duke, my gut told me I valued my relationship more, and then RTBoss's post helped to rationalise why my gut felt that way.

I will definitely stick with her. Now I know it's a conscious choice backed up my solid reasoning, I don't feel trapped by it now either. So again, thank you both.

Which raises the question... what am I doing on DMSI now then. Hmm.

I will definitely stick it out until at least the 32 day mark, this will give me time to think about what I want to do.