Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Holy shit balls - if this sub is doing what I think it's doing then it's ingenious. I'll share this just because it's an insight into resistance - I found out last night as I was half way between awake and sleep that I can't let go of control, and this is why I am resisting, I have to control what happens to me, and what I do, which is simply impossible to do.

In addition to feeling unworthy - this whole time I've been throwing sand in the wheels to slow down the pace of change because I feared running out of control into oblivion.

[RTBoss]

Holy shit balls - if this sub is doing what I think it's doing then it's ingenious. I'll share this just because it's an insight into resistance - I found out last night as I was half way between awake and sleep that I can't let go of control, and this is why I am resisting, I have to control what happens to me, and what I do, which is simply impossible to do.

In addition to feeling unworthy - this whole time I've been throwing sand in the wheels to slow down the pace of change because I feared running out of control into oblivion.

You realized that as...you were on the edge of losing consciousness. Very interesting.

I've been having this realization as well. I'm constantly shifting my focus to letting go, while simultaneously building conscious trust of my subconscious self. It seems like I'm healing whatever fears that has my conscious self constantly scrambling for control - which it was never good at in the first place. Instead of using the subconscious to sabotage and do things we consciously don't appreciate to "protect" ourselves, it seems DMSI is getting us to flip the script and use the subconscious in more consciously positive ways.

[Darwinn]

Totally feel what you're saying RT.

In other news. Shit I'm looking good. At least that's what I'm seeing when I look in the mirror.

[Darwinn]

I'm loving this sub and what it's doing for me. Women are much freer and relaxed around me, people in general seem to want to talk to me. Meanwhile I'm totally relaxed and happy in everyones company. I feel like my heart is opening - and rather than wanting to 'take' and 'get' validation though the goals of the program, my mind has shifted toward just having a very genuine interest, care and love toward women, I don't need anything from them, but care none the less.

The interest received is growing to the point where I'm looking forward to MLS so I can have less temptation - I'm fully committed to my current relationship for very personal reasons and won't deviate from that, but if I wasn't - things would be insane right now.

[D.Ace]

Totally feel what you're saying RT.

In other news. Shit I'm looking good. At least that's what I'm seeing when I look in the mirror.

I could relate to it, one of my well-fashioned friend said he loved my hairstyle (it's been a month since I get it cut), another one who could see aura said mine is rather glowing bright now, and my girlfriend asked what did I do that I look more handsome? lol.

[Darwinn]

Haha awesome man.

Question for anyone on DMSI, what do you normally do when a loop gets interrupted? Right now I'm just starting from the beginning of the loop but not sure this is the best approach.

[RTBoss]

Haha awesome man.

Question for anyone on DMSI, what do you normally do when a loop gets interrupted? Right now I'm just starting from the beginning of the loop but not sure this is the best approach.

In the future, it's probably best to start where the loop was interrupted. ASRB breaks, but you'll be on target for 2 loops, instead of getting more than 2 loops.

I once broke ASRB and didn't know where or when, so I added a loop. Shannon told me not to do that. It's better to get the optimal number of loops, rather than more or less.

[Darwinn]

Ok so Last few days have seen a lot of intensity in most areas. I've been through a few nights of dreams which verged on hallucenations as I was half awake. It has felt like I'm being asked in these hallucenations , 'do you really want to f*ck around with people's lives like this' , pictures keep coming up of women who are mothers and wives , and thoughts are arising about the nature of love and sex, how they are intertwined and how they can lead to driving people crazy. I've seen and heard of a number of people taking their own lives due to the sort of obsession that can come out of thinking you love someone or desiring someone intensely. I can't tell whether this is actual instruction from some higher wisdom or whether it's just limiting beliefs coming up. I know I have a strong desire to do no harm though.

Anyway I maintain that this DMSI run is just for the proverbial craic- I'm curious about it and I want the clearing and little more than that.

On a lighter side it is just fun watching it take effect on women and what it's doing for my relationship.

[Darwinn]

Ah these dreams have been instructive about how I need to reform my attitude in order to have the life I want. Sacrifices have to be made. I've decided to cancel a holiday this year so I can save for BAMM in order to begin it straight after MLS (if my application is successful)

[RTBoss]

Ok so Last few days have seen a lot of intensity in most areas. I've been through a few nights of dreams which verged on hallucenations as I was half awake. It has felt like I'm being asked in these hallucenations , 'do you really want to f*ck around with people's lives like this' , pictures keep coming up of women who are mothers and wives , and thoughts are arising about the nature of love and sex, how they are intertwined and how they can lead to driving people crazy. I've seen and heard of a number of people taking their own lives due to the sort of obsession that can come out of thinking you love someone or desiring someone intensely. I can't tell whether this is actual instruction from some higher wisdom or whether it's just limiting beliefs coming up. I know I have a strong desire to do no harm though.

Anyway I maintain that this DMSI run is just for the proverbial craic- I'm curious about it and I want the clearing and little more than that.

On a lighter side it is just fun watching it take effect on women and what it's doing for my relationship.

I've gone through this. I thought to myself, "If I were an A-List celebrity, this year's Sexiest Man Alive, would I feel guilty for how others feel toward me?"

No. I control how I feel, not how others feel. That's for them to process, and then decide what choices they make based on that.

My wife and I always joked that we have a list of 5 celebrities that either of us are free to have sex with, no consequences. Whoever is on the list, if we can have sex with them, they're fair game. I'm the celebrity on the list - for all women. Lol.

[Blink]

Ok so Last few days have seen a lot of intensity in most areas. I've been through a few nights of dreams which verged on hallucenations as I was half awake. It has felt like I'm being asked in these hallucenations , 'do you really want to f*ck around with people's lives like this' , pictures keep coming up of women who are mothers and wives , and thoughts are arising about the nature of love and sex, how they are intertwined and how they can lead to driving people crazy. I've seen and heard of a number of people taking their own lives due to the sort of obsession that can come out of thinking you love someone or desiring someone intensely. I can't tell whether this is actual instruction from some higher wisdom or whether it's just limiting beliefs coming up. I know I have a strong desire to do no harm though.

Anyway I maintain that this DMSI run is just for the proverbial craic- I'm curious about it and I want the clearing and little more than that.

On a lighter side it is just fun watching it take effect on women and what it's doing for my relationship.

I've gone through this. I thought to myself, "If I were an A-List celebrity, this year's Sexiest Man Alive, would I feel guilty for how others feel toward me?"

No. I control how I feel, not how others feel. That's for them to process, and then decide what choices they make based on that.

My wife and I always joked that we have a list of 5 celebrities that either of us are free to have sex with, no consequences. Whoever is on the list, if we can have sex with them, they're fair game. I'm the celebrity on the list - for all women. Lol.

I'm of the belief that feelings can't be controlled. Some events are going to put me in an emotional state no matter how many times I get exposed to them. Sometimes I get feelings "out of nowhere" as well. That's probably my Fe speaking and of course I can get better at identifying what feeling is genuinely mine and what's coming from other people, but I suck at that at the moment.

However, what you can control is how you act after you get the feeling.

We might be saying the same thing in different ways tho.

[SargeMaximus]

I'm the celebrity on the list - for all women. Lol.

Love this.

[D.Ace]

Ah these dreams have been instructive about how I need to reform my attitude in order to have the life I want. Sacrifices have to be made. I've decided to cancel a holiday this year so I can save for BAMM in order to begin it straight after MLS (if my application is successful)

Was about to go for it after finishing US and TLAM, but dimsee got my instinct to scream at my face. After all, in using BAMM there will be no chance for others, so I gave it a chance.

The dreams you mentioned are really interesting, did you intend to have them or what?

[Darwinn]

Hey man, it is weird , the dreams come just between awareness and sleep so there's an element of conscious thought mixing with unconscious processes.

I haven't posted in a while simply because little to nothing has been happening. I'm sticking with A so the focus is clearing, and will do so until MLS comes out.

My life is moving forward after a long general slump at least, gym every day, working harder and smarter - but I've let shit slide with a shitty and entitled attitude to grind that it will take a little time before I have the grit and stamina to make faster progress physically and in terms of work output. I have a more mature approach with it all - progress not perfection.

Back on the learning programming and investment, looking for more challenging jobs is the order of the day.

On the women front, as I've said before, I'm sticking with the GF but the attention has at least been somewhat amusing, random texts from girls I used to know striking up awkward conversation and so on. Nothing compared to what some of y'all have been gettin but I'll take it since I honestly could give a fuck less about any of that right now (ironically)

GF seems deeper in love, and relationship wise shits great, personally I feel pretty flat, my focus is on gym and work right now and not anything else.