~Stand tall and shake the heavens~

[Cortez]

I know whenever I don't for a while, I feel like a rabid wolverine and women can smell it on me. It does attract them in my case...well actually it makes them ravenous around me, but even so, I don't like feeling like a rabid wolverine.

[Shannon]

I know whenever I don't for a while, I feel like a rabid wolverine and women can smell it on me. It does attract them in my case...well actually it makes them ravenous around me, but even so, I don't like feeling like a rabid wolverine.

What they smell is the expression of excess sexual chemistry coming out in your sweat. In some cases, I have seen it become a turn-off, as it becomes too strong and the man actually can begin to smell of semen, apparently. The only time I have heard of that is in a monk who was celibate and did not masturbate for 10 years...

The rabid wolverine is great motivation to do something, but it's not the best for making the wisest of choices.

[enoch]

wow 10 years?? i'm surprised he didn't develop prostate cancer.

6th Day of Alpha Male 2011 Stage 2

A few people are avoiding me for some reason; its making me a bit of curious and needy as to why. They just go around me and not talk to me. It bothers me that I feel like I'm losing them but there's also feeling of indifference creeping in that makes me not care and move on.

I'm not content where I am right now, I want to do and experience a lot of things but there is lack of motivation. I'm trying to find any source of motivation to keep me going and if I do, I get very excited.

Last sunday I went to church. There was this girl with an english accent talking behind me while walking towards the parking lot, when I looked back she was a tall blonde girl with sunglasses on walking beside her mother. very pretty. For some reason after I saw her for the first time and moved on walking I could not make myself look at her again. I felt really anxious that I might look low value if I keep looking back or it might come off as creepy. I was parked all the way at the end, this was like a 5 minute walk and so they were too. I was bummed but in the future, I want it to be like instead of walking by myself and getting all anxious by them behind me, I'd rather join in their conversation and not bore myself all the way.

[Shannon]

Why would he develop cancer over it?

[enoch]

I just remembered a nurse friend of mine teasing me about decreased risk of prostate cancer because of regular masturbation lol. but if that monk didnt develop that over 10 years then I'm less worried.

I rewatched 007 casino royale this morning, and it just blew my mind how james bond and vesper lyn had such a great chemistry that id wished it ended like a disney movie and not the way it did. The best parts for me are their conversations. Even though its scripted, I can't help but imagine myself having a smart, psychological and funny interaction with a woman I'm genuinely attracted to. but the most important thing I gather from this movie is alpha male qualities from james bond. Posture, mannerisms, charisma etc..

One chapter in that movie when they sailed out to sea to sail around the world inspired me. I've always liked the idea of traveling and sightseeing, I had this strong urge earlier today to just head out there and go somewhere fresh. I feel like I'm trapped in a to do what society tells me to do. Go to work, go home, rest and cycle. I want to go out there and explore the world fresh. Is this what "caged animal" feels like?

[enoch]

18th Day of Alpha Male 2011 Stage 2 / 11th Day of Disconnect From Negativity Within

It's funny how I'm always in the look out for what is changing in me but couldn't find it which makes me think that the sub is not working. It's until I notice that the way I handle certain situations is different than what I would have done prior to Alpha Male sub. Like this one time when my boss asked me to be in his meeting with his client. I just said ok, like it was not a big deal for me. I went through the whole ordeal without being nervous and all, not one bit. I just had trouble understanding what they were implying and I asked them to elaborate the matter a lot of times. After the meeting I had a thought of what could've been if it was 2 months ago before alpha male sub, I would be nervous/anxious the moment my boss says I will be in the meeting and I don't think I would even speak or ask them to elaborate what I couldn't comprehend.

My lower back has been aching these past 2 weeks. Everyday I would complain about it. Until I realized my posture has always been lousy and my body is trying to correct my posture and when it does, my back makes me feel it which makes me notice my posture almost everyday. My way of walking is more 'defined'. I'm feeling every step I take some times, like I'm walking in a model's ramp almost like my way of walking got an attitude.

Started listening to Disconnect From Negativity Within since the 11th of January. After 11 days of it I'm guessing that it's the one responsible for making me bring up the feelings for the girl I used to be infatuated with. But this time I just brushed the thought away and it faded quickly as it was brought up, with the help of seeing beautiful women on screen and real life. I feel my negative thoughts come up less often and goes away faster.

Some days I feel excited for things that I want to do like traveling and some weird times I just feel excited for no reason at all.

I feel a slight urge to look after Alpha Male role models in movies like Daniel Craig (James Bond, Defiance), Liam Neeson where he is a leader (e.g. A-Team), George Clooney / Brad Pitt (e.g. Ocean's Eleven/Twelve/Thirteen), Tom Cruise etc.

I started to think about what to do after Alpha Male 2011. I was definitely going to do SM 2.0 after AM2011 until I was inspired by Benjamin's Achieve Your Ideal Weight decision, but instead with a height increase sub. It is one of my insecurities that I feel hopeless about it and it is my main priority for the long run. I am looking forward for a sub much like the AYIW but instead for Height increase. It's a bummer that Shannon might not be doing customs for this year, but I'll keep my fingers crossed =3

[Shannon]

Just a note here... DFNW will interfere with AM. Especially if this is your first run-through... because basically it is designed to push you into refusing to deal with certain things. The negativity is part of how the transformation process is accomplished in the early stages of AM. Frustration is good motivation to change. That said, it will be interesting to see how you do if you keep using DFNW.

But... I'm guessing that that's why you can't see the results very obviously.

[enoch]

Just a note here... DFNW will interfere with AM. Especially if this is your first run-through... because basically it is designed to push you into refusing to deal with certain things. The negativity is part of how the transformation process is accomplished in the early stages of AM. Frustration is good motivation to change. That said, it will be interesting to see how you do if you keep using DFNW.

But... I'm guessing that that's why you can't see the results very obviously.

After reading your post I stopped listening to DFNW and felt frustrated already lol. But that's because of feeling this wanting to leave home and head out do my own thing, be a man of my own and I couldn't. I have to stay as I'm not capable on my own financially and I have responsibilities to fulfill, being first born sucks sometimes but I'd rather have this than leave and have my conscience consume me.

I re-read the instructions that came with AM2011, I MISSED the part where it says max of 10 hours listening to provide time for my brain to assimilate instructions! I used to listen to AM2011 from 9pm-7am then 10am-5pm. Is there such thing as subliminal overdose? lol. Adjusted it to 9pm-7am starting now. But I'm wondering, which of these subs can I use that wouldn't affect the way AM2011 works? Balance Your Brain Hemispheres, Learn French Faster, Socializing Is Just A Fun Game or Enhance Your Sense Of Humor.


21st Day of Alpha Male 2011 Stage 2

I noticed that people respond to me more. A couple of times I went to shop last week, cashiers will converse with me now than before they would just say hi, I would reply and a dead air would follow it. There was this cute red haired cashier that looked tired and I just uttered "Tired?", she explained herself about putting makeup in the backroom when she got bored standing and a good conversation followed while she's making me a frappe. Words just flowed, I didn't even think about what to say it just felt natural. I felt awesome afterwards, I think she liked me.

A lot of resistance came up, how I can't do things right, feeling irresponsible, impatient and I was easily irritated yesterday. Having a hard time keeping myself in check, uttering curse words while working due to irritation and frustration. I missed the girl I'm infatuated with too. I actually saw her a few times but didn't talk much with her. I ignore her and my feelings sometimes, I just don't want to go back to my previous state of misery. I still feel it from time to time how I messed myself up. The funny thing is that she's becoming more comfortable around me, it makes me horny at times but I don't want any more emotional attachment to her.

I miss Aura of Sexiness. I felt really motivated working out and looking at the mirror every chance I get while using it. and to mention the eye contact with women in hallways and everywhere else, It felt invigorating but now it seems the effects diminished.

[Shannon]

I re-read the instructions that came with AM2011, I MISSED the part where it says max of 10 hours listening to provide time for my brain to assimilate instructions! I used to listen to AM2011 from 9pm-7am then 10am-5pm. Is there such thing as subliminal overdose? lol. Adjusted it to 9pm-7am starting now. But I'm wondering, which of these subs can I use that wouldn't affect the way AM2011 works? Balance Your Brain Hemispheres, Learn French Faster And More Easily Faster, Socializing Is Just A Fun Game or Enhance Your Sense Of Humor.

Any of those should be okay, but I might avoid EYSH until the last two or three stages.

[enoch]

Thanks Shannon, I'm going to try the language programs.

I can't really tell when It started, I wouldn't say aggressive words or things that I would otherwise not speak or really hesitate to say to a girl before. Now I'm more confident and cocky to say what's on my mind and what I want in women even though I get rejected. I like the feeling of not regretting what I said and have not said afterwards and more importantly being honest. In the past I would be in a spiral of thought of how well my conversation with a woman I liked ended and I would analyze every detail if I had made the right choice to make her like me. Now I don't even care if she doesn't like what I said or whether she liked me. I'm a little bit jealous of other men she talks to but it will go away soon.

My neediness has gone down a lot. I remember being attention and approval seeker from women I'm attracted to every chance I can get and it ends up them being annoyed. I feel they avoid me because of that. Nowadays I just stay put where I am, whether it's watching a movie at dorm or in my laptop surfing and they'd pass by, I feel some urge to get attention but I don't act on it anymore. They would sometimes come over and see the movie a bit, but now I get annoyed because they distract me and it feels a little awkward. I tell them that and I feel that they come back more often now, but more importantly I feel good about just being honest and straightforward.

[Spiral]

Dude. at least they are approaching you to watch the movie.

[enoch]

Spiral, I totally sounded like an ungrateful asshat on that one didn't I...

one of the girls was the one I was infatuated with. she's been coming over more often lately (usually weekends). I may have hidden anger at that moment because of how she has manipulated me and saw through it with the help of Shannon's AM2011. It just feels awkward as I have been trying to avoid her so I can move on and here she is. tried to ask me a favor, it ended up in an argument and when I finally said 'NO', I felt good. I felt a little guilt because I used to do anything to make her happy and now I let her down. she really wants to go to this place and meet 'someone' and I've had about enough of that.

the funny thing is she found a way to go over there and meet the dude, she came back happy, she told me the details and we're closer than ever. I'm definitely in the friend zone here but I don't give a shit anymore.

I want these women's company, honestly. But I just feel the wanting to be alone and I guess I had this feeling of new found power over the situation and used it. I feel that I don't care if I attract them or not but I don't want to lose them ofcourse.

Also this is a major shift within me. I used to be a guy who would go anywhere as long as I have someone with me, more specifically a women I like. I usually cancel trips or going out If I don't have anybody go with me. I guess I wasn't comfortable with myself. But since stage 2 I've been going out by myself. Tried new things, ate at restaurants new to me. It feels great.

I think stage 2 is making me cocky and indifferent. while stage 1 seemed like an eye opener to the people who is taking advantage of me.

[enoch]

less than a week left with stage 2. I woke up today feeling off then later in the day felt unworthy of anything, lost, confused, unmotivated and easily irritated at myself. this morning this really cute hispanic girl with dark hair stared at me while she was walking away and me parking the car, but the weird thing is, It gave me just a tiny ego boost and lost it after a few minutes whereas before I would have my head up in space. Is this some kind of disconnection from getting confidence from other people. anyway never knew I had a neighbor like that I might go around the neighborhood some more
then on my way to my office, I passed by this pretty blonde girl right after a corner. we had a split second eye contact then I instinctively uttered 'hey' and she said 'hey' back. this would have had me day dreaming the whole day but somehow, I just feel really unworthy and I don't see any point daydreaming, it didn't even cross my mind.
the third one was the best but felt worst of them all, I just got out of the men's room, reading new posts in subliminal-talk while going my way back to office, naturally I walked slowly then this good looking lady in her early 30s walked up behind me and said "you walk slow to get back later huh?". I didn't think of what to say and just said "you caught me.". what I have just said, felt like I didn't want a conversation and it ended there. I even thought I offended her and she may not do it again, it bothered me. my mind went to the usual mode of re-enacting the conversation and me making different replies and actually thought that some of them are good, but they don't change anything. they could've been useful and even better in the conversation. I want to know how I can get to think and say these things i've re-enacted in me mind.. but during the conversation, not after.

although I really like that I get these attention from women and its also quite rare that I do, today just didn't feel much when I get attention from women. I'm just lost and drowned in my misery. I don't have motivation for anything.

[Shannon]

It's not always an easy journey, but it's worth it.