Magnus' journal

[Shannon]

Women are just people who happen to have the boobs straight guys find hard to explain their endless interest in. During your healing process, it's normal to disconnect from that sort of interest and go within to heal. Friends will be important then, more than lovers or romance partners.

[K-Train]

Jimbobday, use ASC for about a month and I'm sure you won't have any more doubts about yourself. Although it might be dangerous to combine it with extreme-self esteem because you might become TOO confident however in your case, we need you back at 100% so you can get on with life so maybe that combo isn't a bad idea .

[Magnus]

So my anxiety is back in full force today and hitting me hard really wearing me out.

I suspect my emotional attachment to my ex was even bigger than I previously thought and this may well continue for a bit. Just going to ride it out and not give in.

Thanks K-Train going to stick it out with Let go of past relationships and Extreme Self Esteem for now

[K-Train]

Good luck man, hope everything works out well!

[Shannon]

So my anxiety is back in full force today and hitting me hard really wearing me out.

I suspect my emotional attachment to my ex was even bigger than I previously thought and this may well continue for a bit. Just going to ride it out and not give in.

Thanks K-Train going to stick it out with Let go of past relationships and Extreme Self Esteem for now

That's resistance. Resistance gets triggered when you start dealing with the core problem for real. It will happen, and it will fall before the continued use of the mighty subliminal of power! So just keep going.

[Magnus]

Thanks Shannon.

Its great to know the core of the problem is now being dealt with. Its strange I can feel it is being dealt with even though every self doubt I have about myself is being bought to the surface as well as a continued amount of anxiety.

One dream I had last night was that I was extremely fit and strong and I felt really good about myself. I woke up in the morning actually feeling very happy about myself even though it soon disappeared. I suspect this could be the Extreme self esteem starting to work

[Magnus]

So today has been very odd I don't understand why things are different but they are.

I'm more focused on myself, my approval seeking and attention seeking has gone down, People are asking me for advice all over the place, I felt some anxiety in the morning but that disappeared by mid morning, People are treating me with a lot more respect and I feel a lot stronger and centered within myself, I am a lot more decisive, women are laughing even with my relatively serious nature today

All this comes and goes a bit but I still don't quite understand whats causing it all to happen but I hope I continue to be in this space more and more and build on that foundation

[Magnus]

So this morning I woke up and just felt a pull towards seize the day. I can't explain it but it was like I knew I should be doing it. I then went on to read ryans journal and believe i'm in a very similar situation as when he used it a year or so back. I then read through the script and it was like it was meant for the exact situation I am in now worrying to much about the future and not just being present and acting on the moment.

Could I loop this sub with let go of past relationships?

[Magnus]

So I have just been informed that I will be without power in July next year while on holiday. Unfortunately this is for a period of two weeks so no way around this one.

Some of you may think this is a bad idea but i'm starting alpha male tonight else I won't be able to get it done by the end of June.

I will be following the instructions religiously and will be sticking to it every night.

Is it ok to run let go of relationships for 4 hours a day while running alpha male? If not I can drop it but I know Shannon said to run it for 3 months. My highest priority is getting my life on track and becoming an alpha male I also read this helps to let go of relationships and build self esteem/confidence etc.

[Magnus]

So I started stage 1 last night. I had a very weird dream.

I dreamed I was with my ex and was making her squirt. It wasn't a memory even though I have made her squirt many times but this time it was like a waterfall that went for a good meter.

Very bizarre but feeling very relaxed today and just generally pretty chatty with others. Also feel next to zero emotional pull towards my ex. Its like she is behind me in my past and I can start to see the way forward.

Was expecting a ton of resistance on this first stage but so far none actually woke up feeling really good and managed to get out of bed on time which I haven't done for weeks.

Also felt more motivation to get to the gym today and to really start working on myself again. So far just positives

Also just saw my ex and a little bit of nervousness came up but nothing major

[Magnus]

Shannon wow I believe in these subs now my god.

So I had only listened to let go of past relationships for 2 weeks and my ex just pulled out right in front of me with her new boyfriend.

I felt nervous as hell but still acted relaxed and then I pretty much feel no pain or loss at this time. Two weeks ago I would have had to have left work if this had happened because I would have been a mess. Helped that the new boyfriend was an old fat guy and she looked really unhappy but thats past the point

[Shannon]

BPD does not care so much who and what, but that there is someone, anyone, to latch on to. They'll try to find the best they can, but it's about having it now, not having the best when they can get it. Sad that they can't feel or understand love the way others do. You're better off without her.

[Magnus]

Yep agree with that a lot better without her. I've almost completely realized that hence the no pain around it. The only sadness came from seeing her daughters face who I had became very attached to as I had known her her whole life and raised her. She had this excitement to see me and kept waving at me. She looked so happy to see me but that is something I have to move on from.

But anyway enough negativity. Still feeling very strong within myself and surprisingly my neediness has gone down a bit don't know why as I've only listened to alpha for one day but I'm happy being single and oh so glad i'm not with my ex anymore

[Magnus]

One other question is has anyone ever had derealization from subs?

I've noticed this has been coming up lately a spaced out type of feeling