LionMonkeys journey to become more of a real man with AM2011

[Spiral]

That's fantastic you've been approaching women and even groups! I've just never had the courage to do that or the interest. In the past has this been natural for you?

[LionMonkey]

I've always liked to give some "love" when I felt I was in a great mood.. so yeah :-) Though I must say that in my experience, it isn't the best way to let the girl get me. I was just having fun with a lot of alcohol ;-p

Now honestly, I've not always done it. A year ago, I made a conscious effort to improve my skills of going up to girls and compliment them and walk away. Having done that, it made it easier for me to just go over to a girl or a group. Usually when it's a group, it's very platonic and I've never really had anything real & lasting coming out of that.
By the end of that period, I felt this isn't what I want so I stopped doing it. I still do it sometimes now and then if a girl really catches my attention but not so much at all.

What I do mostly now is placing myself somewhere and talk with people around me or just very random spontaneously go over and say something.
(By the exception of Stage 2 right now. I am very self-absorbed and not so social at the moment)

Having said that, didn't you do Overcome Approach Anxiety? Didn't it have an effect? Day & Night approaching?


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 2 - Day 24,


Today I think I had a consuming energy about me. I also feel like I'm more social. It's like I've just come out of a shell. This program is weird!!

Caught a LOT of people looking at me.

Had a moment where I felt enlightened after training. A woman dropped her bag of groceries and I helped her and said, "you are welcome". Went over to the lake and drank my cacao-milk, looking at the beautiful view.
I was thinking something along like; There's no good if there's no evil. Everything is relative, so why try to control / hold on to something you can't? Why do I want someone to like me better than the other, etc...

And after thoughts like those, I just laughed out. It's so simple really but I tended to analyze it. I now understand that one can't understand why we analyze and worry about things, if one don't understand oneself.

[attachment=36]


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 2 - Day 26,


At the moment, I feel very self assured. Women whom I find attractive can't stop but steal glances and if I do go over and talk to them, they are usually very open, like for example today after salsa, I walked over and talked with 2 girls, who had lessons after. The one I found attractive wanted me and while I was talking with them I noticed that she glanced down at my crotch while she was talking and it was a natural interaction lasting maybe 2 minutes.

This program so far makes me comfortable doing uncomfortable things or what I used to believe was very uncomfortable and things I wasn't very good at.
The fear/nerves is still there but it's fading and I'm not doubting myself to do it again. One thing I've noticed is, that being in the moment and not thinking about what's next or what's going to happen is essential in overcoming fear.

I dig it. Never have I thought listening to a screeching sound every day could have such an impact on the game of the life besides my other routines...


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 2 - Day 27


The subliminal is really making me more self-assured, so I am more comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Also, self-doubt is quickly noticed and I just tell myself that I don't give a f*** what others think about me.


It's been a long time since I've been out by myself.

Started out in a bar1, got 2 drinks. One I drank sitting by the bar and the other I drank by walking around and standing in an area where people could see me. There was an underlaying uncomfortable feeling standing those places by myself but I just moved flowingly to the music, which helped.

Nothing fancy going on. Most people were together in that bar so after my 2. drink I left. I went over to bar2. There were a lot of people and I got my beer. There was this pretty blond girl sitting at the bar with a guy, who seemed to be a tool for her. She looks around and looks at me I could tell. So I caught her at a point and we looked each other in the eyes for like 4 seconds. I thought, yeah she likes me whatever but I wouldn't want to go and talk to both of them, so I'll let her make a move if she wants.
Eventually she went outside to get a smoke by herself. I've stopped party-smoking for a while and I was really not intending to do it again so I thought what the f***. Went downstairs, said hi to people and asked how their night was and how they were doing and they were like, "who is this guy?" and I could feel this subtle awkward atmosphere haha. Did that with 2 groups of girls and 1 group of guys.

Anyways, there was this seat free in front of two girls (whom was with a big group, norwegian people), who seemed to have a boring moment. I take the seat and I talk with them. Made their night and made them laugh by telling a fake story of where I am from and afterwards telling them I was just kidding. One of them liked it very much and asked for my number to be her Chinese mentor (she studies Chinese). Told her "girl.. don't you think it's going too fast?" haha.. we talk some more and I don't know why but after I told them about LOA and they were talking about it, I left and got another beer.

When I got my beer the guys in the group took my seat and surrounded the girls a little so I just stayed in the bar and drank a little. So eventually they went outside to smoke. I see that the girl and the guy was still sitting at the bar and the girl was still looking around. The guy went to the toilet and I went over to talk with the girl, I said "why do you look at me all the time?" and she was like "no I didn't look at you", and I said, "sure you did, nothing can deny that." Got to know her a bit better and she told me she was working in the airport and the guy was her associate from work. I told her clearly "I don't wanna be your friend", which she faked to be a little offended by.

The guy came back and was a pretty cool guy actually, so we talked a little, while the girl payed very little attention and I thought a bit, what?? does she not like me as I thought?

So I leave them and went downstairs to dance to a great song. The Norwegian girl who was learning Chinese came down and I took her hand and we dance a little. Asked her if she wanted my number and she got it and said she would text me and she was leaving with the other norwegian girl, which I actually found more attractive. I hugged both of them and the one I found attractive seemed like she wanted me but wasn't sure if I wanted her enough or more than her friend.. I find it strange.. hmmmmmm...

(after that it was like everyone could feel my presence when I went back upstairs. lots of looks from women)

I went back upstairs, to the toilet and went up to the bar for the last beer. Went over to a group of girls and said hi and asked how they were doing. They were like what?! and looked strangely at me. I think I interrupted something.. anyways I see that the girl wasn't on her seat with the guy at the bar, so I joined him for a while and we small-talk for a bit. The girl eventually comes back and I keep talking with the guy and then offered my seat back to her, which she said it's okay. Then the guy went downstairs and the girl took the seat and we talked a bit and I was going to leave so I took my hand to shake hers and said, "Well.. I guess.. I'll see you around." Looking directly in her eyes. Our hands were in each others the whole time, which lasted around 15 seconds.

Her, "Are you leaving?",
Me, "Yeah... I can give you my number"
Her, "I can give me mine.. it's easier for me that way"
Me, "I like it easy too "
Can't remember what happened.
I gave her my phone and she entered the digits and I called it and her phone rang.

I gave her a slow sexy hug and left.


What a flowing but strange night. Flowing because usually when I'm out with people I know, I tend to be more comfortable in my skin and just not talking with much other people than the ones I know...


- LM

[Ryan]

Easier for her yes... because you are now setup as the pursuer and initiator;p but.. don't let her do that to you.. if you seem to be putting in too much effort, cut it off. That's the problem with girls who won't take your number and give you there's... they expect you to do 100% of the work most of the time and rather rely on you to initiate everything. That's why if a woman gives me her number with refusal to take mine I hardly ever talk to her. Anyways, looks like you're making lots of progress man

[LionMonkey]

Yeah.. I'm not quite fully believing it yet. I like the way you just don't give a s*** about them if they just aren't proving anything. I think SM will have great effect on things like that.

I'm starting to think about doing affirmations again as a side thing to the subliminal. I did 20 minutes of affirmation before I went out that night.
When I didn't do subliminals, I did affirmations and I must say that the affirmations had a quick effect but not very lasting (probably because I doubted myself) and sometimes I did not see any changes at all.


Stage 2 - Day 28,


Slept over me, went to training. Had a training session and two sessions where I taught kungfu. I did some mistakes when I taught it but people understood the integrity I had, even though I thought it was a little fun.


- LM

[LionMonkey]

I was thinking that younger women around 18-23 age are less sexual open than older, so I thought if SM did have a good effect in leading women, when they've already been aggressive (as I've read they'll become lol)?


- LM

[Spiral]

I think if you learn to open up to any woman and really penetrate them with your mind and your eyes you can get any woman to become hot for you instantly and open up. You just have to let yourself be vulnerable and stop thinking of what others would think of you. Now if they are just so shy and don't open up I'd move on.

[LionMonkey]

"Penetrate" is rather a offensive word to use lol.
I agree though. I guess I was thinking of my old self when I decided to write about it.

I'm in day 30 of stage 2 (only 2 days left!!!) and I've read that stage 3 should be the one who begins to kick ass!

Looking forward to it.

=====================================================================

I have a serious scratch on my back. I can lock it out but it still has some effect, since you are living in the same house...


My younger brother is like the worst person you can surround yourself with. I have no idea how he turned out that way but he is negative all the way and he threats mom very bad, in a way that he curses and raise his voice. He's like a little kid who never grew up and resent everything. He always pass things over and in his head it's always someone else' fault.
He can't even support himself and he wants to move out. He takes everything for granted.

If someone have an idea how to guide him out of that s*** place, I would appreciate. I've tried and now I am tolerating. I see him going down in a very dark place if he don't start change :idea:.


Just one example; Every year or every second year we would travel to our home-country, to our family and visit them. This summer nothing in the world would make him go with us and we've already bought the ticket.

what did he do at home in this country in 45 days? he played computer games all the time and ordered delivered food directly to the door .

The thing is, his world is very small and he thinks that he is right with everything and when he knows I or someone else has right, he doesn't take it serious or he doesn't acknowledge it.
It may be good to believe to do whatever you want when you want it but when you don't have any perspective and knowledge because of lack of experience, you won't get far in life. Sometimes it even seems like he have no values or morals because of his ignorance.

with that said, he does want to educate himself but he gives up easily. he was a good kid and sweet to when he was younger (he is 18 now).

now I know you may think, "dude, help him.. don't be that harsh to him.. he is in a fatal period of life to discover who he is or wants to be.. he sounds weak and needs a role model, etc.."
If you have a younger brother, you know how ANNOYING the person can be. How you sometimes just wished he disappeared:@...

I've tried many times and sometimes I feel very weak when I try to help in a genuine way but hasn't worked. What I've tried to do is ignore him. Just act as if he isn't there and sometimes I'll respond to the situation but that's when I really feel that there's a need to it.


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 2 - Day 30


Today I started my day by teaching a class of kids with my trainer. I was uncomfortable on the way to the hall we were going to meet the class. My voice cracked and I just didn't feel very comfortable talking with my trainer and I had a hard time looking people in the eyes when I talked with them, except my trainer. (I found it very weird.. maybe it was because of my only 5 hours sleep and that I was in a rush this morning).

We dealt the class up in 2, so me and my trainer got half each. The kids were great today. I was proud of what they had learned when I tested them.
After the lesson I felt much better and was way more authentic. I also noticed that my head was held up and my vision was over the horizon, which made people look at me like they couldn't do anything about it.

Wanted to meet some buddies, now when I was nearby but no one were home or took their call. So I decided to go home but in the last minute, I met an old friend of mine from back in mid-school. He had a date tonight. Good for him. Would love to heart how it went later this week though I kinda felt that it was a "date", coffee and cake on a café, which sounds a bit too tight to me.

Took home, did my affirmations and felt great!

When I arrived at the Salsa class I had never felt so comfortable with myself before. Women, who I used to doubt a bit (judged, by their body-language and actions) wanted me to like them and they were much more open than ever. The mood was also high and fun which definitely had an effect on that too. I could see out of my corner of my eyes that the girl around my age sometimes couldn't stop but stare at me for a while or just stealing a moment when all I did was just gazing and "knowing" ;-)

It's funny I didn't doubt at the first salsa class but I got off balance and I actually got a bit needy, not a lot but it was needy since I felt I wanted something to happen and now I kinda see something new and more grounded belief.


- LM

[LionMonkey]

RECAP of Stage 2,


* Taking more action to be in uncomfortable situations

* More comfortable in uncomfortable situations

* Neediness has gone down, quite more than in stage 1

* More forgetful and letting go (emotionally) of when I get angry

* Improvements in the way I walk by taking space. Though sometimes I fail to do so but I am very aware of it and I get a bit pissed off but it's not having much effect on me.. like the others doesn't affect my mood.

* Having had a little hard time to see through some the negativity.


Well.. they say Stage 3 is the shit, so I can't wait to see what's gonna happen!!!!!
( I'm listening to it right now ;-) )

- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 3 - Day 3,


This stage is having a noticeable enough effect, so that I can distinguish from the previous stages. I was thinking about what the specific differences I noticed was but right now, I don't seem to remember.

I've had some inner turmoil hmmmm.. it feels like something is going on inside of me.. changing.

Ohh yes.. it's the thing that actually in mid Stage 2, till the end, I was much more needing to have something done, sometimes even more frustrated and aggressive than I usually was BUT I was aware of it most of the times and I told myself to stop and retired from it.


Stage 3 takes the neediness more away, which is really great and I still go after what I want, like for example today;

Our class was just done and I go out and get my bike. I see this girl, from my class, I find physically attractive and she seemed sweet too so I went over to her and walked with her, from the school to our homes (we live 10 mins away from each other). Talked and had fun about each others interests, hobbies, the past, passions etc.

So as we had stopped walking and stood there for a bit talking, I told her to join me for a drink Saturday night. She said she had brunch early next morning. So I gave her another option, which she wasn't sure about. She didn't knew what my intention was or she pretended to. Then I said, "You can get my number and call me sometimes this week". She hesitated and asked if I had facebook...
Anyway she said, yeah.. we could hang out.. as friends and I said my honest truth. She said sorry she couldn't because she isn't available or she has been in a relationship for 2-3 years and there's still something going on there. I told her she shouldn't be sorry about it, I'm just glad she was honest. We talk a little bit more about our class and the people in the class, which I kinda got bored about and then I ended it, hugged each other and talk a little more and I ended it by saying "well.. see you at next class" walked away but I forgot I had to get some groceries. So as we walk this 20-30 seconds of walk, none of us said anything haha.


The thing about the story is, I wanted to know her better, which I got the chance to and I took action for it. I liked her sexually and I got to find out about her personally, which I like too and in the end I expressed my interest in her to "know" her better but that's when it became a bit awkward. I had nothing wrong with that and I was actually sincerely fine with her not accepting the invitation.


- LM

[Shannon]

Practice makes perfect.