Blank Slate - EPRHA 2.0

[chaosvrgn]

On to the journal, I still feel so stuck! It's like I am enslaved by my bad habits and weak mentality. I am curious if any people have had a complete 180 with AM6. I've read about changes here and there, but has anyone really had their life turned around from being stuck and doing little to gain the determination and drive to get things done? It might be the depression, but I just don't see myself becoming that person.
My mind lacks the imagination to visualize a future where I am strong and determined like a bloodhound that picked up a scent.

I'm getting there with AM6, but it took two runs and most likely a third to get to where I want to be. I'm making really good money online, but I keep falling into this cycle: I'll have a crazy good month, and then I'll just shut down and not even work. Then I'll get low on money again, get depressed, scramble, have another crazy good month... and then fall off.

This is better than what I was doing before AM6, which was spending most of my time watching porn for hours and eating the most disgusting foods ever.

Since this AM6 second run, I've been in the best shape ever, I'm taking professional boxing classes (as opposed to fitness boxing, but I ain't judging), making money online, and doing whatever I can to solidify and stabilize my life. I don't want to face it, but I KNOW I need to run E2 and then AM6 one last time...

But I'm so damn tired of AM6 (been running it for a year now). I wanna run the BASE 4G I bought during last year's Christmas sale with Ultra Motivation, just to see how far I take my business. Then run AM6 a third time come January. Or MLS 4G + UM.

Anyway, AM6 is an amazing sub. I'm of the opinion that you can't just run it once, though. Has to be run twice or more. I got results the first time around, but now I'm REALLY, REALLY getting results. Like, crazy respect hits. Women staring all the time. Men backing down. Had someone offer me their parking spot today. Was wacky.

[Natious]

On to the journal, I still feel so stuck! It's like I am enslaved by my bad habits and weak mentality. I am curious if any people have had a complete 180 with AM6. I've read about changes here and there, but has anyone really had their life turned around from being stuck and doing little to gain the determination and drive to get things done? It might be the depression, but I just don't see myself becoming that person.
My mind lacks the imagination to visualize a future where I am strong and determined like a bloodhound that picked up a scent.

I'm getting there with AM6, but it took two runs and most likely a third to get to where I want to be. I'm making really good money online, but I keep falling into this cycle: I'll have a crazy good month, and then I'll just shut down and not even work. Then I'll get low on money again, get depressed, scramble, have another crazy good month... and then fall off.

This is better than what I was doing before AM6, which was spending most of my time watching porn for hours and eating the most disgusting foods ever.

Since this AM6 second run, I've been in the best shape ever, I'm taking professional boxing classes (as opposed to fitness boxing, but I ain't judging), making money online, and doing whatever I can to solidify and stabilize my life. I don't want to face it, but I KNOW I need to run E2 and then AM6 one last time...

But I'm so damn tired of AM6 (been running it for a year now). I wanna run the BASE 4G I bought during last year's Christmas sale with Ultra Motivation, just to see how far I take my business. Then run AM6 a third time come January. Or MLS 4G + UM.

Anyway, AM6 is an amazing sub. I'm of the opinion that you can't just run it once, though. Has to be run twice or more. I got results the first time around, but now I'm REALLY, REALLY getting results. Like, crazy respect hits. Women staring all the time. Men backing down. Had someone offer me their parking spot today. Was wacky.

Hmm, so a second run is what possibly hits the spot? It's only after having run E2 for 3 months that I feel like I absolutely HAVE to run AM6. To be honest I think I consciously resisted AM6 the first go around.

I didn't know what being Alpha was, human Alpha males were a new concept to me, somehow during my self improvement journey I never came across that material. And the more I realized what being Alpha means, the more I resisted it, just because it looked so far from where I was.

Running AM6 this time should be different, my goals are congruent with the AM6's goals. E2 removed a lot of the blocks that were on my way. I will stretch to 180 days and then move on to AM6.

[Natious]

Uridine (sublingual administration) + ALCAR + B-Vitamins + Fish Oil = You'll thank me later. Amazing mix.

Wanna boost it even higher? Add L-Glutamine to the mix.

I was so ready to buy this stack until I read http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...3516000197 which was posted on MrHappy's thread a few weeks ago. I'll have to research more before I'll decide.

Also https://forums.t-nation.com/t/two-negati...ine/214241

[Natious]

Decided to take a break from being sober and some great things have surfaced. I had my first drink yesterday and it wasn't like before, I no longer seem to have an emotional connection to alcohol as something that would help me. More specifically I didn't feel more social and more fun after having 5 glasses of whiskey (they weren't full of course).
On one side it's good, since that means alcohol has lost it's usefulness to me. But I got to admit the taste of a little whiskey was good.

Oh I remember that! That ended by a year long drinking binge btw.

Why I brought this up is because 10 days ago on my birthday I got drunk as hell after having been sober for something like 8 months. I felt absolutely shit and needed a little something. The night and the day after turned out to be quite great.

I know that I have the genetics of a long line of alcohol addicts. This is possibly something that I can never truly escape. But I can, knowing the real risks, make my own decisions. Bearing this in mind I haven't touched the stuff once since my birthday. I don't know how long this will last neither will I tell myself the delusional lie of never touching it again. I don't dislike alcohol, but I do dislike that I don't know how to live without it.

It is weird that by acknowledging my lack of power over my urge to drink I somehow gain power over it. This somehow goes against some of my beliefs about life in general and "thinking" you can do it won't actually make it so if it feels like a lie.

It makes me so angry when I notice how my brain doesn't work as it should. I have been avoiding medication that might actually help me because I "value life" a lot and so the side effects make me not take them. However I don't think it's that I value life but I fear death and the pain that comes with it. The truth is that what does it matter? I don't feel like I am living right now anyway and I haven't been living for a big chunk of my 25 years on earth. So if I've been dead for so long then why not risk the side effects and try something that might spark me into life again? Hard to make such a big decision.

This is related to my previous post about the possible carcinogenic effect of a long term use of uridine supplement. But a lot of stuff actually has been linked to cancer: alcohol, smoking and what did I miss there? Oh yeah, MOST OF THE STUFF IN A SUPERMARKET.

[Natious]

Day 113:

The urge to run AM6 has not diminished, I take it that it's some sort of an indicator from E2 that I'm ready to run it again. If this doesn't disappear before 4 months are done which is in a week, I will jump onto AM6.

I have been building a proper base for AM6 for quite a while now. My journey after my first run of AM6 includes
~3 months EHPRA, ~7 months OF4g, ~3 months ASC and now 4 months of E2.

I feel relatively weak and passive on E2. Must run AM6!

[Natious]

day 115:

I was letting my mind wonder this morning and at one point started thinking about this one negative memory. It was at the sales place where I used to work, it's a very high testosterone environment, basically everything that you see in movies. There was this one incident with a guy who was overstepping a lot of boundaries with me, he got fired eventually because of his bad performance, but I never really knew how to stood up for myself. This made me very angry and emotional in the past and kept following me. Often when I was in a low mood I would randomly start thinking about it and that would get me down even further.

This morning however I had 0 emotional reaction to it. First I thought that I should stop thinking about it or I'll just get myself angry, but I noticed that I couldn't give a shit even if I did keep thinking about it.

[Natious]

Do you feel like the other programs are being unearthed, or is it hard to tell because they are similar in essence to E2?

Does it feel like E2 is the most powerful of all the programs?

Can you feel optimus engine 3 working away?

TY

Also I thought shit got edited out of posts, but there ya go.

It's subtle and slow paced most of the time and some time ago I did feel like my first run of AM6 is coming through more. I'm no longer sure about that since I feel quite passive right now. I do feel that the next run of AM6 should go a LOT smoother and produce more noticeable results, but I guess we'll see.

The sub is supposed to work in a speed that is appropriate for the user and that makes it difficult to see how powerful it is. About a month ago I did feel a lot of powerful effects, right now they are more subtle and have calmed down.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

[chaosvrgn]

Uridine (sublingual administration) + ALCAR + B-Vitamins + Fish Oil = You'll thank me later. Amazing mix.

Wanna boost it even higher? Add L-Glutamine to the mix.

I was so ready to buy this stack until I read http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...3516000197 which was posted on MrHappy's thread a few weeks ago. I'll have to research more before I'll decide.

Also https://forums.t-nation.com/t/two-negati...ine/214241

Well, shit. Way to ruin my day, Natious.

Man, I've been using the hell out of this blend. It's worked SOOOO well for me. I mean, motivation, clarity of thought, the ability to make crazy fast mental connections and leaps. This came out after I started using it, though. Will have to do some more research.

Thanks!

EDIT: I'm beginning to think that subliminals are possibly the most safest way to boost productivity and change your life.

[chaosvrgn]

Hmm, so a second run is what possibly hits the spot? It's only after having run E2 for 3 months that I feel like I absolutely HAVE to run AM6. To be honest I think I consciously resisted AM6 the first go around.

For me, a resounding YES, YES, YES! I've never felt better in my life. Then again, I was coming from such a LOW place that two runs STILL haven't gotten me to where I want to be. However, I can sense that person's presence deep within me. I've become smarter, faster, bolder, living more and more without fear dominating me. I feel that one more run will completely unlock him.

[Natious]

Uridine (sublingual administration) + ALCAR + B-Vitamins + Fish Oil = You'll thank me later. Amazing mix.

Wanna boost it even higher? Add L-Glutamine to the mix.

I was so ready to buy this stack until I read http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...3516000197 which was posted on MrHappy's thread a few weeks ago. I'll have to research more before I'll decide.

Also https://forums.t-nation.com/t/two-negati...ine/214241

Well, shit. Way to ruin my day, Natious.

Man, I've been using the hell out of this blend. It's worked SOOOO well for me. I mean, motivation, clarity of thought, the ability to make crazy fast mental connections and leaps. This came out after I started using it, though. Will have to do some more research.

Thanks!

EDIT: I'm beginning to think that subliminals are possibly the most safest way to boost productivity and change your life.

These tests were done using an abnormally large dose of uridine (roughly equal to taking 2-4g for an average weight human) and without including any of the supplements like choline and B complex. With lower doses like 500mg a day or <100mg sublingual, it should still remain safe. Remember that beer and alcohol in general has quite a bit of uridine, but then again alcohol in large amounts is carcinogenic.

Another thing that makes me feel easier around the idea of taking uridine is that it is used in baby formulas and milk from breasts contains it. If babies can handle it then why can't we?
We are already trying to remove all the garbage that was taught to us and have a more childlike and fresh mind, why not start eating like babies too?

In short when I posted this I hadn't read too much on uridine yet. I've read tons more now and it seems quite safe if taken with B complex and respecting the safe doses. I've already made up my mind and will be getting a stack as soon as I have an extra $100. Uridine isn't researched much so I'll try and keep up with the updates as long as I am on it.

[chaosvrgn]

$100? Cost me about $45 for the entire stack and lasts two months.

Got the Uridine and ALCAR from Powder City (btw, ALCAR is the vilest tasting stuff). The B-Vitamins and Fish Oil from the Vitamin Shoppe. See if they're running one of those buy one get one sales. They usually do it about very two months.

You'll also need a scale (grab one from Amazon). Cost me about $17. Also, Uridine is taken sublingually, so avoid Uridine capsules.

[Natious]

Ordering to EU from powdercity is about $10 per item ($21.50 shipment for 2 items). I don't mind the vile taste as long as it's for a greater cause. The low EPA/DHA fish oil caps aren't very healthy due to their low purity and the higher EPA/DHA cost quite a bit more.

A decent jar of B complex https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/...L1500_.jpg is $14.50 (this is with folate not folic acid).

The most expensive part of this stack seems to be omega 3. I did find some cheap ones, but they are a little fishy (low quality is very risky especially if you need high amounts of epa/dha per day). High purity ones seem like the best bet, they cost like 3x more though. 35$ for a 45 day supply.

[Natious]

This sub is becoming more and more passive. 0 confidence and reflexes have disappeared. I feel like I have never in my life been so incompetent. Very little will to do anything and if I do then I feel like I half ass it, because there simply lacks a motivation to do well.

It's very weird about confidence actually, I'm not 100% sure that it's lack of confidence, it might be something else. I simply can't be bothered with anything.

I don't know where this path will lead, maybe I should go outside and feed the birds.

I do believe that my motivation was rooted in fear and pain in the past, so in the long term this might be a good thing. It will be hard for me to learn how to motivate myself with the positive.

I feel like I am getting a fresh start and a blank slate.

This is so different from how I would act in the past. When I used to do bad I would beat myself up about it, now I can't even do that! If I start beating myself up it raises no emotion and just feels like I am faking the "beating myself up" part. It's like I am doing this for someone else, like I want to beat myself up so other people wouldn't beat me to it. Just to think that you are beating yourself up over things that you don't really care about and over not doing incredibly well in those things just makes you go "WHAT have I been thinking!?!?!?". So many false beliefs, so many false dreams, so much BS in my brain that don't even belong to me. Those mother fuckers who put that in there!!

I think this would be a wrong time to quit E2, maybe I'll learn how to motivate myself without using the whip.

Another thing that I keep seeing again and again is how well other subs will affect me after I have done enough with E2. I used to only partly believe that healing and clearing out issues will make it much easier for me to benefit largely from other subs, now I see that it is inevitable. It is inevitable that after I stop E2, I will have so much freedom and ease when running subs as opposed to the desperation and negativity I have been experiencing in the past.

I see that most users have gone with the repetition of subs until it just sinks in stronger than the negative beliefs and so did I. There's a few more people who seem to think similarly high of healing as me and by that I mean they actually run E2 and follow what they say.

I have a hard time understanding the POV of people who say healing is a waste of time. It simply makes no sense. And I now understand even less why people would go and push so hard towards a direction if they don't even know what they really want. I did that too and still do to some extent, but I find it illogical. It's a good way of hiding from that fear though, by saying that healing is a waste of time.

I want to get the poison out and not build my character ON THE POISON that other people have fed my subconscious. What I want even less is to choose the direction based on that poison.

I did not think like this before I ran E2, that much I know. I was afraid of letting go of those false dreams that weren't even mine. At least now there's a chance that I won't regret what I'm about to do when I will eventually lie on my deathbed. It's too late to pray for a do over when you are about to die.

[RTBoss]

I have a hard time understanding the POV of people who say healing is a waste of time. It simply makes no sense. And I now understand even less why people would go and push so hard towards a direction if they don't even know what they really want. I did that too and still do to some extent, but I find it illogical. It's a good way of hiding from that fear though, by saying that healing is a waste of time.

I had these exact thought while running E2.

I smh every time I read or hear about people who have convinced themselves to hold onto fear and pain because they use it as motivation to achieve a goal - a goal they'd no longer want if they were healed and whole. They're so invested in what they think they want that they'll do anything to protect it, even if it's hurting them or wasting their time. Then, they'll achieve the goal and receive no satisfaction because what they thought they'd feel or experience isn't in reality what their imagination had built it up to be.

Keep going, man, you're progress is fantastic!