(01-18-2018, 04:30 PM)ShanghaiKiwi Wrote: Hey guys, bit of a long post

So I've really suffered from social anxiety and awkwardness for the last year or so. Just for context: my life has been pretty messed up until the end of 2016: I was in a religious cult for 12 years that wouldn't let me talk to women, I was in an abusive marriage for 6 of those years (married a complete stranger because not allowed to talk to women), and '15-16 I was living in a city in China with no foreigners to talk with and so had no friends and nobody to talk with except my abusive ex wife who treated me like dirt. Two years with 0 friends or social life can really screw up your social skills, combine that with marital abuse and being a brainwashed cult weirdo and you have the perfect storm.

So since I got back to NZ (leaving my ex wife and the cult) I'd always feel like I didn't fit in. I'd stutter and stammer, sometimes mixing up my words in my sentences so what comes out of my mouth doesn't make any sense. Being nervous has just been my default setting in social situations, especially talking to pretty women. I've been taking a lot of dance lessons to help myself overcome it (exposure to women), and I've made a lot of progress over 2017 with all the cult deprogramming etc but I still feel awkward quite often in social settings.

Three weeks ago (pre-Xmas) I put on ASC 5G, Absolute Self Confidence. I instantly forgot about it, as you do.

Since then I've been noticing I have more female friends. Not just women who know my name but friends, women who are happy to see me and notice when I'm not there. Women who walk across from the other side of the room to give me a big hug when I arrive or leave. Who demand a dance before I leave the dancefloor - "you weren't planning on going home without dancing with me were you Brad?"

Then the other day I went to a Bachata dance class because it was free - it was really just a beginners class but even though I've been doing Bachata for a few months now I went anyway. I wasn't nervous *at all* and I attributed it to being a better dancer (almost all of them were there for the first time). I got chatting to an attractive new girl afterwards, and casually asked her if she wanted to get a drink. She hadn't had dinner yet and I hadn't either, so we went and had a cheap $5 meal together to chat. That was a breakthrough for me, I haven't had a date in about 6 months.

The whole time I felt relaxed and not in the slightest bit nervous. Of course it was mostly because she was so lovely and friendly - not judgmental or snobby, I may have been nervous otherwise, I don't know. I found it interesting that I could talk to this gorgeous woman who has both a beautiful face and personality, and not instantly fall in love with her just because she's female. Like, she's awesome and I think she'd make a great girlfriend, but I prefer to keep my options open and get to know her a little better first. That struck me as unlike my usual self, who would normally get too attached and too needy too quickly. #Progress.

Then last night I went to a social Bachata dance at a bar and felt the same confidence I had the previous night. I was having fun and didn't give a shi*t about what anyone thought of me or what happened. So I took advantage of it by going up to this stunning 10/10 woman who all my mates drool over and asked her for a dance - she has never said yes to me, not even once. Of course she declined again. Because I was feeling so good I didn't feel any rejection or anything, I was fine - but I was annoyed. So I asked her "so in all the time I've known you you've never said once, what is it exactly? Do I have B.O.? Bad breath? Enlighten me".

She said 'I'm just really picky about who I dance with". I know that it has nothing to do with skill because I've seen her dance with guys below my level, so its something about me as a person that she doesn't like, which was insulting. My mate was standing there and he said "Brad, just learn to dance really, really well and then one day..." I cut him off and said (right there in front of her) "...one day she'll want to dance with me and I'll say no! Great idea I love it". He corrected me and said "no, one day she'll say yes and you will know that you've finally succeeded". I told them both "no that wouldn't be satisfying at all. I'm going with my way. I'm going to get really f*cking good and you'll want to dance with me and I'll reject you". I smiled, laughed, winked at her and left.

This was a big victory for me. I didn't say it with a negative angry tone but with a cheeky tone, a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

Firstly, my concept has changed: I used to strive for women's appreciation (like my mate was suggesting I do) and I was devastated by rejection because I based my own sense of self worth upon their evaluation of me. Now I couldn't give a sh*t what she thinks, whether she likes me or not - because my evaluation of her is 100x more important than her evaluation of me, and I've decided that she's a snob who isn't worth my time. Secondly, I was confident, happy and bold enough to behave according to that concept.

I think there are other factors at play as to why I was feeling so good last night, such as getting enough sleep, my startup business is beginning to make money, my dance skills are improving (I'm getting a lot of compliments from women on my dance skills recently) and the recent increase in friendliness from women all round. But the number #1 factor I attribute this to is undoubtedly the ASC sub. In the past I've had good nights because of being well-slept etc but this is different. I don't think I've ever been so carefree with women, or even in general. I feel like I belong as much as the next guy, and its a great feeling. My self confidence is higher than it has ever been.

Last night a girl asked me how I was and I told her I was amazing. She asked why and it got me thinking, and I realised it was the absence of my social anxiety. I didn't tell her that but it got me thinking. I had forgotten about the ASC sub but when I was wondering why I've been so self confident so far this year (its not even 3 weeks into January '18) the ASC sub seemed the obvious explanation, because I put it on just before Xmas.
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(01-28-2018, 01:54 PM)THolt Wrote: Are you referring to SE 5.5G or ASC 5G?

(01-31-2018, 11:36 AM)Kol Wrote: First post full edit and then title.

(02-02-2018, 01:28 AM)ShanghaiKiwi Wrote:

(01-31-2018, 11:36 AM)Kol Wrote: First post full edit and then title.

Thanks! Got it, adjusted title to the correct sub.
* * * *

Yeah so tonight I was at dance practise and we were doing an excercise learning how to lead and follow, the girl I was dancing with flirted with me and said with a wink, "you can make me do anything you want!" (its funny because as a lead, I dictate her dance moves - but she wasn't talking about dancing here).

I didn't expect it and didn't really know how to handle it so I just laughed and joked "within limits of course!" and she said something about me not leading her off cliffs, which kind of nullified the sexuality of the comment, I think. Perhaps she retracted her outrageously flirty comment because I didn't respond as sexually as she had hoped?

On the one hand I'm super happy because of the flirting, on the other hand I'm disappointed with myself for not escalating it. I should have said something about stopping by at the hardware store after class to pick up some rope and cable ties. Its a 50 shades reference.

So I'm making definite progress - I'm actually getting women flirting with me lol, thats a good sign. But I definitely haven't arrived yet, I have a long way to go. For one I wasn't bold enough to match her flirting, also I clearly still give too much of a shit because here I am writing about it on the internet more than two hours later lol.

Things have been noticeably different with women recently. They're always happy to see me (except a few snobs, but **** them) and they often want my attention. Its new and I love it. I'm not used to it. It doesn't hurt that my dancing skills are improving but its more my confidence and the way I hold myself. I stopped caring about getting a gf or going on dates, and now I'm making friends with all these beautiful women. You might think thats normal, but I'm a guy who hardly had any conversations with women at all for 12 years while I was in a religious cult (besides being married, but that sucked, there was definitely no flirting) and I suffered from *really* awkward social anxiety. Just late last year I was stuttering whenever talking to pretty women and they didn't really seem to notice me, it so much different now after only a month of the sub. I'm super happy about it and wish I did it years ago.


*Edit: Just realised the girl who flirted with me tonight was the same one I ate dinner with in the first post of this thread