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+--- Thread: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A (/Thread-In-this-for-the-healing-DMSI-v3-1-A)
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-18-2017
Had a thought today. I was listening to a really great song and I just felt a whole bunch of emotions inside of me. It's weird, but it feels like outside of music I don't really give myself permission to feel what I'm feeling.
I've been trying to remain positive and happy these past few days and today I had a killer headache along with this feeling of nausea. It's mostly me suppressing my emotions, how I really feel. And how I really feel is really sad, alone, and lost. So I'm going to give myself permission to feel these things and not try to rationalize them away or criticize myself for not being more positive.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-20-2017
Back up on the 4 loops. I was lying in bed last night and just asked myself if I was ready for things to be different. 4 loops made me tired, but I'm tired on 2 as well. But you know what's more tiring? Being stuck making the same crappy decisions day in day out. At this point it feels like I'm not resisting as much so the decision to run 4 loops is now to maximize the healing and power of the sub. So what I've learned is 2 loops is good if I'm very resistant, but once that resistance fades it benefits me to switch back to 4.
We'll see how this goes. Getting real tired of living this limiting life I've created for myself. I want better things.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-20-2017
On my way home from work and I hit a light that was turning yellow and slowed down. I probably could have made it through if I gunned it, but I didn't feel like maybe getting a ticket or stressing about making a red light. But as I came to a stop some guy was right up on my ass. I noticed all my thoughts were focused on how much of shitty driver I am, or this guy cursing me out, or being a loser somehow for not speeding up through a light. This one event, then I realized I do this all day, every day. I'm so exhausted all the time because I'm non stop anxious about what other people think of me.
I think this all stems back to my fear of not being good enough. I've lived my life in such a way that I mold myself into what I think people want to see instead of just being myself. Also when I'm not good at something or come across a challenge I almost lose it. Today at work I had to repair a printer and the pieces weren't fitting back together. I started panicking, thinking that if I couldn't do this I couldn't make it in this job, I'd get fired, my parents would be disappointed, and I'd be a failure. My worth is so tied up in my capabilities as a person that when I can't do something or I try and screw it up I perceive it as a threat to my survival.
As far as women go. The whole being a virgin thing, I feel like I'm so nervous about sex and screwing it all up with some girl that I just avoid the whole thing completely.
I just need to be healed. I need to stop this neverending anxiety about my self worth as a person and just be happy with who I am. It all makes so much sense from a logical perspective, but emotionally none of it really clicks yet.
After upping to 4 loops a lot of this stuff has come to light so I'm willing to bet that there's a lot more I need to dig up to let go of that my subconscious was hiding from me to avoid putting myself into situations that do threaten this whole self worth thing.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - dissonance - 09-20-2017
Damn dude I feel like you and I are the same exact person lol. Keep listening to 3.1a consistently. This sub has healed me and removed insecurities more than any sub I've ever done.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - RTBoss - 09-20-2017
Learn to laugh at yourself, man. Loosen up. It's not so serious. You can get around the being bad in bed.
First of all, you're assuming things. How do you know how you'll do? I was so nervous, I did an extra great job "servicing" her, and then lasted forever. She was like, "You done yet, I don't think I can come any more!" Even if you were to go fast, you just tell her it's because she's so beautiful, tight, whatever. Women can be very understanding. Don't believe all the media/movies/hype/horror stories. And you can say that and mean it (I remember authenticity being important). You just need to change your mind about how you're perceiving things. If you perceive properly, you can move on and live the authentic life you want.
I think adding "learn to laugh and yourself" and "lighten up" would be good additions to PTPA (if they're not there all ready) and then adding that improved module to DMSI.
Regardless, you're making a lot of progress. You'll get there.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - ichigo - 09-20-2017
(09-20-2017, 03:27 PM)mat422 Wrote: As far as women go. The whole being a virgin thing, I feel like I'm so nervous about sex and screwing it all up with some girl that I just avoid the whole thing completely.
I had this too buddy, DMSI got me over it eventually. Keep listening, keep your eyes open for the opportunities/manifestations the sub will present you with, and have the courage to jump on them when they arise.
Read some books on sex if you haven't before (David Shade and the Orgasm Blueprint are good) so that you're mentally prepared for it to occur.
Don't assume you know what a girl wants. Maybe she will be turned on by taking a guys virginity and teaching him the ropes? It's a pretty common fantasy.
I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to dive in. You can do it. And afterwards you'll wonder what you were ever afraid of.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - dissonance - 09-21-2017
I'm actually stoked now in finding a girl who seems to be a type that might like taking my virginity, and blessing her with that opportunity ;D. I'm going to meet up with this girl whos 20 (I'm 26) and see if that goes anywhere. If it does, it'll be fun and interesting losing my virginity to a 20-year old who I really like and who really likes me.
. Before DMSI, this sort of situation would have been unthinkable because of some insecure ego thing inside me saying like "a girl whos 6 years younger than me who supposedly should have much less life experience than you is going to take my virginity, how sad am i?" Now though, my mindset has completely changed to "oh god this cute ass girl whos at that age where she's ripe as fuck and just reaching her hot as hell stages of her life is going to defile my body and shes going to enjoy it because she'll think it's endearing that i've saved my virginity for this long and am choosing to allow her to be the one to take it, and im going to enjoy it, thank you DMSI."
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-21-2017
Thanks guys, you're definitely helping me solidify this state of mind. It's still really foreign to me, but I'm slowly getting used to it.
Feels like lately DMSI is really unlocking my sexual nature. It's gotten to the point where there are some girls I work with that just get me turned on and I feel the sexual energy start coursing through my body. Today at work I was doing some things on the computer and this girl comes in to talk to my coworker. I started heating up a bit and I just l let it go and didn't fight the feeling. Don't know if it's DMSI or the fact that I haven't jerked off in weeks, but I'm just insanely horny around girls now. Anyway I look up from my computer and she's leaning over the desk talking to my coworker, but her butt is in full display in front of me. Like pointed directly at me.
This goes back to what RTBoss mentioned in a post and I don't really rate women, I feel it's a bit dehumanizing. But there's something about some women that just makes them sexy, their energy. Being able to see beyond looks is kinda nice actually. I think a lot of my high standards was just a reflection of my own insecurities. That and repressed sexuality. Maybe I was attracted to a lot of women in my past, but I bottled it up and never realized it.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - dissonance - 09-21-2017
Stay away from porn and fapping for SURE! ! ! !!!
And what's your level of acquaintance or mutual familiarity with this coworker? Sounds to me like she's possibly giving you a blatant butt display.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - Kol - 09-22-2017
Agreeing with dissonance on this. Fapping is really detrimental in my case to DMSI. IDGAF what people say, its evident. Before breaking my streak I was full on aura mode, flirty and had bedroom eyes skipping comfort through presence. Still am as executing takes place strongly, but nofap showed the benefits. Not to say the boost in IDGAF and directly going on with it. What you are describing, matt, is also my experience. Full dom presence, strong blatant focus, strong sexual subcommunications, turned on and being unfiltered about it, unlocking sexual nature.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-22-2017
I barely know her. I fixed some problems with her computer a couple a times. Gonna keep an eye on her, see what else happens.
Yeah not fapping has boosted my productivity with my music too. Sexual transmutation, oldest trick in the book. There's a lot of energy to be gained by abstaining from it. Used to think it was bullshit but the longer I've gone without it the more energized I feel.
But it's good to know I'm on the right track. Definitely getting that dom presence. It's like I'm more turned on by really feminine women the stronger I settle into the masculine role. Like opposite poles of magnets
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - dissonance - 09-22-2017
(09-22-2017, 03:51 AM)mat422 Wrote: I barely know her. I fixed some problems with her computer a couple a times. Gonna keep an eye on her, see what else happens.
Yeah not fapping has boosted my productivity with my music too. Sexual transmutation, oldest trick in the book. There's a lot of energy to be gained by abstaining from it. Used to think it was ***** but the longer I've gone without it the more energized I feel.
But it's good to know I'm on the right track. Definitely getting that dom presence. It's like I'm more turned on by really feminine women the stronger I settle into the masculine role. Like opposite poles of magnets
You and I will get laid this year.
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-22-2017
So tonight I'm going to experiment with just running the masked version instead of hybrid. I think 4 loops is good for now so I'm going to keep that. Also leaving it at 4 to minimize variables, it's hard enough keeping track of what works when everything can be so damn subjective.
I think maybe 4 loops gives me plenty of input to execute, but maybe the hybrid track is too forceful so there's a backlog that develops when it triggers resistance. All of this is just a hunch really, but I'm gonna go with it. Right now I can feel myself execute, then sort of freeze up, then execute, freeze up, and so on. What I'm looking for is smooth consistent execution.
I think my obsession with more power when it comes to DMSI is actually based in insecurity and I'm messing with my own results. Basically my all or nothing mentality pushes me to take on the most difficult challenge and grit my teeth and fight through it instead of finding a more comfortable way. The whole no pain no gain nonsense that I guess I've internalized. So from now on I'm going to try to approach this from a smarter perspective instead of hammering my subconscious
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A - mat422 - 09-23-2017
Woke up not feeling super great. Did some grocery shopping, got that over with nice and quick. Then I set up my new midi keyboard which I got about 3 weeks ago. Still need to clean more shit. I'm horrible at staying clean. Half the time it feels like I don't have the energy because my brain is focused on a million and one things. I don't know if I'm lazy or just still struggling with mild depression and finding it hard to get things done.
Anyway I guess it's too early to tell with hopping off the hybrid track, but so far it feels more mellow. Not jumping to conclusions yet, but my dreams were more pronounced last night. And today I don't have that really agitated gnawing feeling I tend to get with the hybrid that sort of feels like angry bees buzzing around in my head mixed with this simultaneous feeling of wanting to scream or cry.
Also figured I'd post a track I've worked on to show how DMSI has been improving that too. I did put in a lot of work with my music, but so far DMSI fostering that IDGAF mentality has helped me unlock my creativity by not being afraid of just doing my own thing when it comes to music. It's a hip hop track like 90s boom bap style, real mellow and chill.
https://soundcloud.com/hconscious/vibes