+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix (/Thread-San-s-AM-6-The-raise-of-the-phoenix)
San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 09-07-2015
Heya Folks,
I have been lurking around this forums from past 2-3 weeks ( re validating the changes that I am undergoing through the usage of AM 6) and finally decided to open an account and document my journey with you all.
A little background about me :
I am around 30 years old Indian male. From my childhood I have always been fascinated with mind, universe and self help stuff. A typical Gemini with INTP personality. My childhood was always a mess as I lost my father when I was 3 and was raised by single overprotective and aggressive mother. No wonder I turned up to be a boy residing in a adults body. Luckily for me I scored a good job ( I always attract good jobs with good pay) and I got my money stuff handled for good. As far as women is concerned my sex life is kinda strange. I have never been in a relationship but I once in a while seem to attract women who just want to have sex. This happened quite a time and strangely some kind of subpersonaltiy takes overs and I become incredibly charismatic and powerful and usually bang them within couple of hours.
The most disgusting thing which messed my life is porn and masturbation addiction. Slowly and steadily I get succumbed to this habit and lost my mojo. I lost my drive, magnetism and pretty much everything. I usually used to spend days sitting alone masturbating to porn. I am still in the process of getting rid of it. Anyways I want to document the changes I had noticed after using the Subs.
Stage 1 :
- Vivid dreams. The dreams mostly consisted of Naked women, Some adventure rides, killing, stealing and some snakes and animals.
- Change wise nothing major but definitely felt some really subtle changes ( but cant put the finger on it what exactly it is)
- Lost my job ( to be precise my project went back so I got moved to different project - In a long run this turned out to be good)
-Sometimes feeling like Shit (For no specific reason)
Stage 2: [ 10 more days to go ]
- This stage turned out to be a life changing for me. It shaked me to the core.
- I started thinking more about life and my life purposes.
- Extremely high sex drive with penis undergoing some really radical changes physically ( More girth and softness/sensitiveness)
- Started taking care of myself (Grooming, Buying new cloths, Buying perfumes etc) - This never happened to be before as I don't give a shit about how I dress and look. but its slowly changing now.
- Strangely got a desire to start workout again ( Brought kettle bell and some fish oil supplements and started working out)
- Strangely sometimes I feel like god and sometimes almost suicidal depression. I get feelings like " I am shit ", I am worthless, I am short shit.. etc. ( However I hear a faint voice inside my head, Accept it, Accept it, this is you.. its kinda scary and releaving at a same time)
- Since I moved to foreign country I had a self consciousness while out in the public. Something internally shifted ( not sure what it is) I feel more ease and natural ( As If I am a local)
- Hard hitting life truths about my life goals, family, money and relationships just going though my mind as if something is forcing inside my to change this for me.
- I always seems to attract specific things ( helpful in my journey) to progress further ( for example I recently stumbled on no fap ( no porn and masturbation) and decided to stop it cold turkey)
- People seem to nervous around me. For some strange reason, they literately shake like a leaf in my presence which in turn makes my nervous.
- Few women seems to completely avoid me and few seems to come into my personal space deliberately.
- I consider myself to be a straightforward and moderately assertive. However I have noticed that I feel like more using smoother approach rather then using force.
- Almost most of the time I feel some kind of internal discomfort and insecure feeling regarding my height ( I am 5.5) but the voice inside my head says, accept it, accept it ( lol, its freaky as fuck)
- Depression comes in waves, sometimes I feel amazing and sometimes absolute shit.
- I started contemplating more about life and where I want to go in future.
So this is what I am experiencing guys... the ride still now is pretty strange and at a same time incredibly liberating. I wont update my journy on daily basis and I will update as and when I have something significant to share. I am pretty excited for State 3 and onwards. Man these subs are mind blowing. God bless Shannon and his team.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 09-11-2015
Update on the last 2 days of Stage 2 :
Became increasingly sad/depressed and also constantly thinking about my height and other insecurities. Got more focus and interest in workout ( i.e taking care of myself etc). I feel as if some is digging deep in my mind and pulling the shit out. In addition, becoming very self conscious ( I was not that much before) and confidence is almost in ground zero. I am eagerly waiting to start the stage 3 to see what it brings out of me.
P.S : I only use ultrasonic ( 4 hours from my office desktop speakers) and 2-3 hours in high quality JBL headset.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - waahbeta - 09-12-2015
Wow.
I can relate to u in so many ways.
Indian, INTP, Gemini.
Will be following u for sure
N best of luck with your AM run
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 09-17-2015
Completed Stage 2
Stage 2 is completed successfully. The whole ride of Stage 1 and Stage 2 was amazing. I became kinda introverted ( and very mature). I don't usually approach people and I stay in my own world and people seems to come to me and open up conversation sometimes. I recently have a hot Milf hitting on me but I am afraid to take charge and escalate to next level ( this was NEVER me before starting subs, I would straightaway escalate but now I am holding back, not sure whats the reason). Again my thought pattern is kinda changing ( thinking more about my life, my goals, my insecurities etc). Some kind of dark cloud is always hanging over my head ( I assume whatever it is its for my good). Starting Stage 3 tomorrow and cant wait to see what it brings. Excited.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - Zane - 09-17-2015
(09-07-2015, 09:40 AM)San4 Wrote: The most disgusting thing which messed my life is porn and masturbation addiction. Slowly and steadily I get succumbed to this habit and lost my mojo. I lost my drive, magnetism and pretty much everything. I usually used to spend days sitting alone masturbating to porn. I am still in the process of getting rid of it. Anyways I want to document the changes I had noticed after using the Subs.
Did you notice any change in ur porn and masturbation addiction during this time?
I read many people overcame this two addiction during stage 1 and 2
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 09-18-2015
(09-17-2015, 10:46 PM)zainuu163 Wrote:(09-07-2015, 09:40 AM)San4 Wrote: The most disgusting thing which messed my life is porn and masturbation addiction. Slowly and steadily I get succumbed to this habit and lost my mojo. I lost my drive, magnetism and pretty much everything. I usually used to spend days sitting alone masturbating to porn. I am still in the process of getting rid of it. Anyways I want to document the changes I had noticed after using the Subs.
Did you notice any change in ur porn and masturbation addiction during this time?
I read many people overcame this two addiction during stage 1 and 2
The funny thing is I almost stopped in stage 2. But my sex drive and penis sensitivity became a major problem for me ( Read : Not able to channel the drive properly) so I fell back to the porn trap. After using Subs, I noticed that my penis sensitivity increased like crazy
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - Dzemoo - 09-18-2015
(09-17-2015, 10:36 PM)San4 Wrote: Completed Stage 2
Stage 2 is completed successfully. The whole ride of Stage 1 and Stage 2 was amazing. I became kinda introverted ( and very mature). I don't usually approach people and I stay in my own world and people seems to come to me and open up conversation sometimes. I recently have a hot Milf hitting on me but I am afraid to take charge and escalate to next level ( this was NEVER me before starting subs, I would straightaway escalate but now I am holding back, not sure whats the reason). Again my thought pattern is kinda changing ( thinking more about my life, my goals, my insecurities etc). Some kind of dark cloud is always hanging over my head ( I assume whatever it is its for my good). Starting Stage 3 tomorrow and cant wait to see what it brings. Excited.
Wow that describes it perfectly it was my expirience with am too it somehow makes the world darker than for example wm
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 09-23-2015
Stage 3 ( Day 10) status update )
Caught up in a deep thinking patterns ( Kinda dark, depressive) and all are related to taking charge of my life and stuff. From past 1 week i am longing for females championship almost like a maniac. Had few dreams about one of my relative and my mom. Finally I was able to quit porn and mastrubution ( Day 3). I am like a walking dead. No energy to do things and I am spending most of my days in my room just on internet and reading some books. I really feel very weired and depressed. I recently met a hot polish milf ( she approched me in work and start sending her half naked pics) and I know that she wants to get fucked but she is acting hard to get. I got a intuatuve nudge to study PUA skills( Not that crap gimmicks but really solid stuff by Captain Jack who is renowed for same night lays and the master of the masters). Also I got a nudge to start SACP ( Super Achiver coaching program) which gurantees 100 % success rate in achining your goal with 100 % certanity. I had used this system in past with absolutely mind blowing results and I am planning to use to to build a solid subperanality of a alpha male ( yes you can build unconcious subpersonality of any skills you want)... Will keep you guys posted on the progress..
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 09-29-2015
Almost done with the half of stage 3. At this point, I am getting thoughts to quit it. After starting AM6 I have become completely suicidal and just cant get rid of negative thoughts and self image. I know something is happening internally but honestly I cant put my finger on what is is exactly. Its really frustrating. I get all kind of ideas on changing my life and I again fall in the trap of inaction and porn binging. From past 1 week I learned about IFS ( Internal Family systems) model in dealing with subpersonalties and its looks really promising and answers my questions on why I have so much internal conflict. I am in really strange mindset now. will keep you guys posted.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 10-01-2015
Interim update on half of Stage 3 :
I noticed that I am becoming more health conscious ( brought herbal supplements) and started working out. The mental chatter is insane ( I feel as if 100 voices are speaking to me whole day). Its really hard for me to concentrate on anything else and 24*7 I have negative thoughts running around my self consciousness on my body and self image. Now I am seriously planning to quit the subs ( Not being a bitch but I don't see any value in continuing apart from messing my brain and going into a embassy of depressive path hole). The porn binging is on and off. I am planning to soley focus my energy on working with my subpersonalties and healing them using IFS model. I will continue Stage 3 for 10 more days and if it remains the same I might potentially quit it.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - Light - 10-01-2015
San please do not quit, you will fine later.it is only the sub bringing out the hidden fears and anxieties after you rekease them, you will be fine.the third stage was, for me too, the hardest.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 10-06-2015
Thanks everyone for your encouragements. Things are getting better now. My subconscious is propelling me to study more about inner work ( like inner child, shadow work etc). This is very interesting because I knew about them but never deeply looked at it. Something is shifted in me. I feel more ease with myself ( may be the books I am reading on guilt, shame etc) and I am not that hard on myself that I used to be. Although the negative voices in head are still there but I am able to manage them now. Confidence, assertiveness is still shit and needs improvement. I noticed that after subs I became more of a pussy and mellowed down my personality from a decently aggresive to kinda humble and pussy kind of behevriour. I am not sure if its a good sign. Things seems to be improving a bit and I subltly feel that my life is on track.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - San4 - 10-12-2015
Almost in the verge of completeing the Stage 3.
Holy Fuck !!. This is insane ride till now. A polish Milf approched me and I was able to bang her last weekend. The best part is I did nothing. I let her seduce me. If guys are thinking about being that cool alpha male type then NO. I was feeling absolute shit inside and my mind is still running million negative things. Now my entire focus is on to build myself a solid and confident man. I am litrelly obsessed to improve my self as if my life is depended on it. I am seeing some good eye contacts from women. However I am still acting and feeling like pussy ( may de due to exseccive porn and mastrubution). Something clicked inside me and I promised myself to never touch porn again and mastrbute every once in a month. I had noticed that when I dont fap I usually attract women ( Who just wants sex) in my life out of thin air. I had seen this pattern emerge again,again and again and again. My focus is now more on Shadow work ( its funny that I was never aware of this kind of work and after starting subs I came to know). Alotught now I have a really hot polish girl ( ex model) I still feel empty inside and I kinda feel that she will cheat and leave me for other guys. This insecurity is killing me inside. Stage 3 by far littrely raped me from inside out. Its almost to a point of getting random suciadial thoughts. But things are getting better. Will keep you all posted.
RE: San's AM 6 - The raise of the phoenix - Light - 10-12-2015
Congrats man. Your post about negative self-talk really opened my eye on my self-negative talk. Just like you, i m thinking about one fear in my life all the time. U til i read your post, i thought this has nothing to do with the sub. Now i m sure it is part of the sub to bring about some of our fears and negative thoughts to the forth.
tell us man more on the milf incident! How did it happen? Did you know her before?
My last thought her to you, i learned in this forum, that users of subs see themselves different from how other people perceive them. So, if you fell sh***y, it does not mean that others see you or find you sh****y. You are not the only one to report this in this forum. It is very puzzling but true.