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Blink's AM6 Journal - Complete Run - Printable Version

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RE: Blink's Journal. AM6 - Blink - 09-13-2015

Hey Guys,

I am done with Stage 3. This is what I've noticed during the second half of it.

Mood swings became way less intense. I've commented on this one before, but it's worth mentioning again. I still do feel down sometimes, but it feels more controlled, with a lot of conscious effort to get out of it as fast as possible. That's why it goes away in usually hours, instead of a couple of days.

I've noticed a couple of girls noticing me walking down the street, giving me smiles and solid eye contact, from which I would have shied away previously, by looking somewhere else or making believe that I had not seen it. However, it feels more comfortable right now. Still lots of work to be done in this department, but it's on the way already Smile

On a similar note, I received a few good comments from a female friend, whom I've known for years now. She said that I looked good in the t-shirt that I was wearing at the time, and that I looked bigger. Again, I've known her for years and haven't heard anything of the sort out of her. To make it even better, her boyfriend was sitting next to her when she made the comments Wink

Small things that used to annoy me seem less irritable. For example, there is this guy at the gym and his grunts just drive me insane, to the point where I started wearing ear plugs when I'd see him around. Last couple of times I heard him grunting, it was still annoying, but not to the point to get on my nerves.

I've commented on this more than once previously, but it seems it gets better and better with every stage. Beauty appreciation. It's at its best right now. I was at a restaurant when I noticed this. While waiting for my meal, I looked around and there were 5 girls that I genuinely liked and that I wouldn't have even looked at 3 months ago. One had a flat chest, the other was too young, another too old, a fourth with a big nose. But I really liked them all. It's as if I'm developing a new level of love towards women, and it feel nice!

I decided to take the NoFap challenge. I've been without masturbation for 17 days now and a bit more than a month without porn. My decision is to stop these two things forever and to go for 90 days even without sex, unless a girl openly throws herself at me, which has never happened anyway Tongue I deleted all my porn collection, which I was holding unto tightly, from my hard drive. That freed up around 250 GBs :S I'm getting really strong urges to give in, but I'm being able to get rid of them and focus my attention elsewhere so far, and quite easily at that. I've read about the benefits of NoFap. I haven't felt any of it just yet, because it's barely been more than 2 weeks so far, so I cannot recommend this to anyone just yet.

Overall, I've done 530 hours of Stage 3. 150 masked and 380 ultrasonic. That's about 16 hours a day on average. This has been the most enjoyable stage so far, with a couple of days of pure euphoria, and I'm sure the best is yet to come Smile

RE: Blink's Journal. AM6 - Blink - 10-01-2015

Hey Guys,

Today's my 19th day in Stage 4. This has been my run during this time.

I've always heard people talk about anger energy channeling. Never understood what it was and could never do it. Whenever I felt anger building up, I'd do something stupid -- like sending an angry email, or making an idiotic comment -- which I'd regret minutes (if not seconds) after... However, I think now I am being able to feel the anger and use the energy to do something else. This feels really different than keeping the anger inside and letting it boil then dissipate by itself, and it's the first time I'm being able to do something like it.

Something very similar is happening when I start thinking about silly stuff. After maybe a couple of minutes in the thoughts, I realize they're doing absolutely no good. So I think to myself, "how is that helping me? I'm done spending health on this stupidity," and move on with life.

Social anxiety is fading away. I'm pretty much an introvert and avoid people on purpose at times. However, I felt a couple of times that when I tried to avoid people but couldn't, getting into the socializing mood was easier than before. So the initial push is not there, but building momentum is definitely getting easier.

Also, new habits are easier to keep up with. For example, I've got into meditation a couple of times before. However, whenever I'd miss a day, I'd give up on the whole habit altogether. I've been doing meditations for over a month now and I missed lots of days (mostly on weekends), but the motivation to keep up with it is not going away Smile Sometimes I force myself to do it, but I get in the mood fairly easily. I started by doing around 5 minutes at the beginning, now I get to 30 minutes of it effortlessly, without even feeling the time! This should be amplifying the results of the subs.

I now pay some conscious attention on my body language. Especially when walking with wide chest and shoulders, and sitting with a straight back. I've tried this previously, but it never felt congruent with me. I'd be ashamed in a way that I was having an open body language like that, but now it feels right, even when I'm feeling down or having a bad day. Kinda like "fake it til you make it" is making more sense to me in this regard.

Gym feels better. Not stronger in any way. I actually feel weaker, because I'm not eating as much. But it leaves me feeling better. Kinda like the feeling coffee gives you for 2 minutes after having it Tongue

I think I'm having the weirdest dreams in this Stage Tongue However, I had two sleepless nights around days 14-15 of it.

Down mood is almost inexistent in this Stage! Smile I've only felt down for one day, and that was after the sleepless nights. Other than that, I feel either really good or normal. This is really huge to me, and I hope I keep it up!

Haven't masturbated in 35 days! Big Grin And something really interesting is happening. I'm having flashbacks and dreams about the older and older porn videos that I used to have. Some are even going back to high school times. That's like 13 years ago! It's like the healing is being done in layers. Same is happening with the previous relationships that I had. I keep on getting flashbacks about older times with previous girlfriends. Definitely some healing being done here in my opinion, and it feels good Smile

Long post... I'll try to keep it shorter and more frequent going forward.

RE: Blink's Journal. AM6 - Blink - 10-15-2015

Hey Guys,

Stage 4 is done. Here's what I've noticed in the second half.

A couple of unusual things happened with some kids and they were all girls for some reason... One was eyeing me in a really focused way that I started feeling uncomfortable. Another started talking to me and could not shut up. A third ran towards me, and a fourth waived at me... I mean these could be things that kids usually do, but it's very unusual to me, and they happened all in a span of a few days for me to think that it was coincidence.

I started to develop an urge to start going out again. Unfortunately my friends are not into that type of things. So, for the first time ever, I went out on my own. Anxiety was bad at the beginning, but it eventually faded away. Had a couple of beers and came back home. I plan on continuing to do this, until I start getting comfortable with the idea and the venues, in order to minimize the anxiety as much as possible. Two days after that, it was the Canadian Thanksgiving, and out of nowhere a couple of friends suggested to go out for a change. We had a really good time and I approached a couple of girls Smile I was way too drunk to remember a lot unfortunately, and all I remember is that the first one was very difficult (I haven't done this in ages), but I picked up momentum pretty much after that and approached a couple of others. Too bad nothing came out of it, but I was having fun while at it, and the next day I woke up very satisfied Big Grin

My handshake feels really strong! I'm not consciously paying attention to it. It's just happening.

I started feeling more generous. I think I've helped more homeless people in the last couple of weeks than the rest of my whole life.

Time spent with friends feels much better than before. Same with music. Some sound way better than before. I probably felt the craziest chills while listening to a few.

I'm finding myself more attractive both in the mirror and in pictures.

Still going strong with no porn and masturbation. It's been 50 days so far and it's going really smoothly to the point where I do not get what these /r/NoFap guys are talking about. I used to watch porn everyday, sometimes even twice a day. I cut it cold turkey and never looked back. It's true that I get real urges, but I think the subs are making my determination and discipline stronger.

My lifts are getting stronger at the gym, although I've been slightly losing weight recently. I'm gonna associate this to NoFap.

On the negative, I'm still having doubts in the subs. It's either the naturalizer doing its thing the way it's supposed to, or I'll need another run after this. Too early to decide on that for now though. Also, I keep looking for results. I have to change this mentality and forget about the subs running in the background, but that's easier said than done, at least for me.

Overall time in Stage 4 was 500 hours, 165 masked and 335 silent. That's more than 15 hours a day on average Smile

RE: Blink's Journal. AM6 - Blink - 11-25-2015

Hey guys,

This report is overdue. Done with Stage 5 and already 10 days into Stage 6. All I can say is that this stage was hell to me. I was depressed and tired most of the time. I'll keep this short and summarize the main points.

Overall time spent was around 500 hours, 225 masked and 275 silent. That's around 15 hours a day on average, ranging between 8 to 20 hours a day.

The good stuff.
  • Social circle manifestation was very obvious. Met new friends to go out with. Too bad they're leaving the country in about a month's time. An old friend emailed me out of the blue. And met some old friends when I was out at a bar.
  • Two random guys started talking to me while on the street. And they weren't seem crazy or asking for something or anything like that Tongue
  • Had around 3-4 dreams that I can recall that seemed to deal with fear. In the dreams, I was facing some fearful situations, which I was very comfortable with.
  • I was called hot a couple of times, by guys and girls.
  • For a while, I was noticing more people looking at me.
  • I started making my bed everyday.
  • Gym with subs is way better! I tried with and without them, just to check, and I can say my lifts were stronger with them. It could be placebo, or false judgement, but it's a better experience for sure!
  • I picked up a girl. She's very cute and we still are together, although the relationship feels a little shaky right now. It's been a bit more than a month. I picked her up after 2 days in Stage 5 I think.
  • Approach anxiety seems to have been dealt with. The first approach was always difficult to pull out, although some of the reactions were pretty good. But after the first, building momentum was really easy. I did all of them after a couple of drinks tho. Something that needs to be mentioned Tongue
  • No masturbation and no porn streak still going strong. It feels like something that I will never go back to, although I still get strong urges real bad sometimes. I broke my hard mode promise to myself tho. I was on hard mode for about 60 days in total, and it's already 90 days without masturbation and porn.

Now for the bad stuff Big Grin
  • Tons of resistance. Depression and tiredness throughout. This could be related to the more time spent with masked subs compared to previous stages.
  • Lots of sleepless night. I can remember 5 at least. And by sleepless I mean a maximum of 2 hours of sleep...
  • I was getting emotional and reactive to the smallest, most trivial things...
  • Trying to control everything, and not being able to obviously, which was making my mood even worse.
  • Tons of jealousy and insecurities surfacing.
  • I felt like quitting more than once.

Stage 6 already feels calmer, but that's for another report! Smile

RE: Blink's Journal. AM6 - Blink - 12-18-2015

Alright! All done with AM6 and it feels a bit weird not running subs today and having all the streaming noise in my ears at work Tongue Good news is, I can now listen to music Smile

I will give myself a bit of a break, as per the instructions, and start on Overcome Fear in January. Not sure yet if I wanna do it in 4G or 5G. My initial plan was to run it in 4G solo for 2-3 months and add another 4G sub afterwards to it for another 3-4 months. But the 5G version of it is getting a lot of hype and it seems it's got some good technology in it, so it's very tempting. I'll probably buy them both, start with 5G, reassess the situation after a couple of months, and maybe afterwards switch to 4G with another 4G sub, or just stick to 5G all the way. However, no matter what happens, I'm running OF for 6 months at the very least! After that, I'll be running AM6 again, possibly twice. So yea, there goes a year and a half's subs plan. I'll be 31 by then, and hopefully a fearless alpha male beast! :angel:

So. For Stage 6. I ran it for 520 hours. 260 masked and 260 silent. That's around 16 hours a day. The bang on half/half separation was not planned at all Tongue

Overall, not much to report in this Stage. Felt much smoother and easier than Stage 5 for sure, which probably was the heaviest Stage for me.

Stage 6 summary.
  • Friends telling me that my body looks at its best, although I do not agree with that.
  • I think I was more willing to express emotions, and more willing to joke around.
  • 2 previous girlfriends contacted me out of nowhere. This could be the friends' manifestation, which is nice. I'm seeing one of them in a few days for dinner Smile
  • Dreams felt very good, regardless of my mood during the day. I can't remember much of them, but I was waking up feeling good.
  • Horniness was insane in this Stage! I was gonna give in and wank it at points, but I was successful to divert my attention Smile NoFap still going strong. 113 days now. Also, this is the last time I'll mention this, unless I relapse, which I don't see why it would or could happen Tongue
  • I had some bouts of unusual optimism and loving life. Oddly, they were mainly on Monday mornings! Big Grin
  • I think my voice is starting to get deeper. Not sure at all here though. I'm starting to like it tho. It's very nasal. So, I hope that what I feel is correct.
  • Similarly, I think I'm starting to develop a genuine abundance mentality. I felt it only once, I hope it gets better Smile

That's it for subs for the year. Two week's break for me, and I'll start on OF on January 1st Wink

RE: Blink's Journal. AM6 - Blink - 10-02-2016

Doing E2 at the moment. Gonna put these posts here for the reference.

(07-08-2016, 03:10 PM)Shannon Wrote:
(07-08-2016, 03:12 AM)Gotcha Wrote: Hey guys.

I'm on day 38 of E2, at 12-15 hrs per day. Not really noticing any effects besides a slight depression and major lack of motivation.
I read reports from fellow E2 listeners having vivid dreams and feelings of joy or happiness, but I don't recall ANY dreams or any feelings besides depression on E2. My baseline emotional state before starting E2 was normally "happy", I might add.

Hardly any interest in women, or hanging out with friends since a week into E2. Last two weeks I'm a hermit, playing videogames and wathing NetFlix in my lonesome...

In the beginning I got fatigued from listening 16+ hours, so I scaled down to 8 and worked my way up to where I can do 12+ without feeling burned out, but I'm still tired.

Is this resistance? Is E2 working for me? Should I do more/less hours? Should I be doing something to "help" E2? (I just press play, no meditation or whatever tapping is)

Gaah, I'm all over the place with these doubts and insecurities!

In short; is there a light at the end of this E2 tunnel, or am I seeing the train a comin'?

Depression and lack of motivation is what the conscious awareness experiences while the deep, painful shit is being dealt with, processed, outgrown and released subconsciously. It means the program is doing it's job. Everyone is coming from a different place, so everyone has a different response. But if doing E2 leads to depression, your baseline "happy" was because you buried everything else and were not dealing & healing. Burying it means it was festering. And when you lance a festering boil, it's going to stink a bit somehow.

Try 2, 4,6 and 8 hours for a few days each and see if there's not a balance there that suits you better.

(08-01-2016, 08:14 PM)Shannon Wrote:
(07-30-2016, 06:21 PM)dissonance Wrote: Hey Shannon, I remember you saying something recently about higher volume vs lower volume and how they relate to resistance, and the symptoms of the resistance, like depression and fatigue. If I'm remembering correctly, you said that if the user is feeling fatigued, volume should be turned down, and if you're feeling depressed volume should be turned up? I can't remembering exactly, so that might be wrong. Could you re-touch on that when you have the chance? I'm going to copy and paste it somewhere on my computer so I can save it, because it's great info. Currently the past several days, I'm feeling super fatigued and tired during the day. I'm running DMSI v2.2.

If the user is feeling fatigue, it means they're resisting the sub and/or processing some deep healing. You don't need to adjust the volume for that.

If you're feeling depressed, it means some part of you wants to escape the change, but knows it cannot, and begins to feel hopeless. Conscious awareness of this is depression. It also does not need a volume change.

It was anger and rage vs depression that we were talking about.. If you're having an anger and rage response, generally it's going to be because it's too loud and you're a control freak, and taking the volume as a command instead of a suggestion.

(09-30-2016, 08:00 PM)Shannon Wrote: If you want something conscious you can do, try this.

Every night before bed (presuming you play it as you sleep), spend a few moments before you turn it on, saying, "Okay, I want and choose for this program to work for me, and I can let at least the healing parts work. So inner self, we can stop resisting now and at least let the healing scripting execute and work."

Then spend a few minutes imagining that you have successfully started getting the healing part of the script to work, and then go to sleep.