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+--- Thread: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. (/Thread-Finding-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-my-am6-journey)
Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Leo1990 - 12-25-2014
Insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-Albert Einstein
********************
Interesting to start off a thread about a quote. It seems right though. I think most of my life I have been circling my tail or maybe a better term is cork-screw-ing up in life (as in I am circling and going up... but not necessarily staying in one place).
Why not just go strait up? Take a short-cut???
Well here is one I hope to achieve...
Become a man.
I think the definition is different. Alpha Male and being a Man is the same to me. I think PUA screwed up my definition of Alpha Male a little bit- as someone who is an AMOG or is a jerk. Or perhaps society as a whole did that. Fills your mind with false definitions of important life-principles.
What a concept.
*********************
Here is my journal. It would be nice to get some feedback or at-least "I have been there" or guidance type of deal.
I have spouts of depression.
Like today I met a very cute woman in our gondola (I work at a ski-resort), I had about 5-8 minutes to chit-chat. Long story short, I like her. She has a cute smile, and a giggly personality.
I pick on myself. Why?
Because I dont feel like I am a man. I feel like my definition of a "man" is so fubar that until I feel like that (notice I interpret the world through feeling and less visual or auditory cues).
First of all, I want my own place. Im in my early twenties but still I feel limited by what I can do if things progress. Sometimes I feel like I can progress the interaction- other times I feel like I cannot escalate the interaction.
It is my belief that a true man can- in essence...
Lead a woman from meeting to sex (or anything in between) smoothly and effortlessly. Always in-charge, always in control (in a good way).
I remember with my ex (lets call her- I don't know what kind of R-Ship it really was), we would go out- and I would loose steam on what to do next.
I just know the interactions- dates (I hate that word- it implies something) should go smoothly. Doing whatever you enjoy (maybe both right- but your the man so if she doesn't like it- she will tell you- instead of over thinking it). I forgot to add, getting a high level of compliance from her (getting her to put energy into the interactions- etc.)
That's the other issue I seem to have a bit of. I over think things. With having a very high IQ it seems part of my mind I cannot control fully.
Anyway here I am. Paid $500 to be here, so I'm here. Ready and willing to make the change. To do whatever it takes to be "the man." To be everything the subliminal changes you to be.
*********************
I will try to rate myself 1-10(10=best):
Confidence: 4
Maturity: 5
Dominance (people following my orders & supervisory): 4
BS-Meter (when you can tell when someone is trying to get you to belive a lie): 4
Outgoing: 5.5
Happiness: 4
Self Control (fapping, alcohol etc.): 4
Self Respect (how much I want to be me/I love to be me): 5
Self Image (similar to above): 5
Sense of being (who I am supposed to be): 4
Social Anxiety (10 is no anxiety): 4.75
Attitude (1 negative all the time- 10 always positive): 5
Body Language (sitting up strait): 4
Tonality (voice): 6
Neediness: 4.5
*******************
Last night was- day 1. I was listening to ultra-sonics (MP3 at full power and speakers at 20-30% power) and I woke up to hearing a slight static on my speakers. -I wonder if they are good enough?
Put in (as soon as I go-to bed here) 12hrs of listening time. As I had mentioned, came home depressed, circling the thoughts of being alone and having a woman love me. <----:X
I forgot to mention I have done 32ish days of EPRAH before this. It has helped but I feel I have much to either steam-roll or release.
Depression may also be because of no-fapping. I have undertaken that challenge too. Makes me more irritable I think.
Anyway here I am...:angel:
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. From cub to lion - Dee - 12-26-2014
(12-25-2014, 08:44 PM)LeoistheSun Wrote: I think the definition is different. Alpha Male and being a Man is the same to me. I think PUA screwed up my definition of Alpha Male a little bit- as someone who is an AMOG or is a jerk. Or perhaps society as a whole did that. Fills your mind with false definitions of important life-principles.
What a concept.
Even "begin a man" means different things to different people across different cultures, religions, communities etc. Whats your definition of an Alpha and a MAN?
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. From cub to lion - LiquidMind - 12-26-2014
Hey Leo
You have taken the most important step in bettering yourself son. Letting the world in on it to see your growth. It will be small steps at first like me ive just begun as well.
One important rule I live by is *Live for yourself, do what you want and don't listen to what anyone says*
I will visit your journal here on the forums as I like reading other people's to see that we are all in this together and we can all help each other out!
Good luck and I will enjoy your story from here
Peace
LM
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Leo1990 - 12-28-2014
Pretty interesting today.
I would first off like to convey this:
ironic
adjective
1. Using words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning
***********
So I a good day at work, doing the things usual IT people do, turning on computers when associates cant turn them on etc. by pushing the power button and magically turning on.
Id first like to say that alot of people out their in the world have no idea how electronics work- especially computers. In my line and currently what I am doing, I am the hardware and network guy. I do everything relating to such as described.
My job is too easy. I feel like I am one of the smartest people at my job. I wonder if it feeds my ego.
I will step away from the particular post, on how I think alot of people are just too lazy or dumb to figure out something that is very simple for themselves.
Maybe this is the AM talking since I can feel myself getting fed up with this more quickly than usual.
***********
Pertaining to the definition above of Irony:
(perhaps I got this wrong- so point this out to me)
*As I have said, I feel more agitated by bs than usual. So I might as well get this out of the way and say: I do live with my mother and step-father. A step-father who... In a way thinks of himself as a victim of other people- particularity the powerful. I still think he is more Alpha than my real father (Either way I dont have good role-models when it comes to this).
So I come home after a drink, and end up in a heated discussion about how words and their definitions are ironic in the sense that the actual definition of the word changes over time.
Their is a key point that I was trying to express, that I could NOT get across... that is that EVERYTHING in this world is subjective or relative (a better meaning).
What do I mean by this? Well since starting AM6 I think I am starting to see things differently. For example: way back when- the world believed that the world was flat.
Why? I think that one person who made it up was a dominant person, and others accepted that reality- even though it was false.
On that very same example and idea, I think that alot of this world is made up of the same thing.
*** Just because alot of the population believes something to be true- does not make it true. ***
In which case I was trying to argue a certain point of view that nobody else got. A reality that nobody else got.
Telling me two things.
-I am not strong enough in my reality to over-write others reality
-Understand that I should take nothing in this world as ABSOLUTE TRUTH and to QUESTION EVERYTHING.
A big break for me mentally. While I may still fall for this trick sometimes I understand it.
I understand that the reality that we see around "us" may not be what we think it is.
I think we want to build upon others perceptions to advance our own (that we do not need to start from scratch- per-Se), to take a short-cut.
But the fact is- we cannot rely on other people to do the thinking for us.
We must think for ourselves.
Apart from this...
I am on my 4th night. Nothing crazy to report. I have had dreams- but nothing I can remember.
I have not fapped. That desire is gone- which is crazy- although I do look at porn once in awhile.
I am getting tired of my co-workers doing nothing.
Women seem to... I dont know... turn me off? Some of the bs they pull makes me mad and just write them off.
I am starting to see myself as a more mature man. Yes. I said it. A MAN.
I am starting to act like one. Sometimes I want to take risks, in passing people on the road who drive to slow etc.
yeah... about it for now.
Speakers aren't great. I can hear interference. Static. I wonder if its EMF based.
Been listening to headphones most of the day. I try to get in a min of 9 hrs. Avg. 12 hrs.
I use Sony headphones at a 22khz max. I think their great!
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Mystic Pymp - 12-29-2014
People believed that Earth is flat because for them it was. They were walking in only two dimensions (up-down is neglectable) and something of two dimensions is, well, flat. Only after time observations of astronomy and sea navigation proved that Earth is indeed 3-dimensional and not flat but spherical, something finally proved to be true by Magellan's crew. Important fact is this though - this revelation changed nothing for lives of normal people, including us. And I don't mean technology or something like that, of course it matters. I mean understanding. Does it matter if you lived on a flat plane or a sphere so giant it appears to be flat? Of course not, life goes on anyway. Color of sky is important, temperature of the air or many other parameters that affect you directly. But not if Earth is round or not.
Understand this - those dark ages people were not in wrong saying Earth is flat. Evidence they had suggested them so. And I can assure you, those people were no dumber than you are. Only with time and discoveries bigger picture arose and believes changed. You cannot disregard others' "truth" because without others you will never come to the right conclusions. Don't be bound by others, sure, but don't disregard believes just because. Earth is flat indeed, if you say otherwise prove it to me. And no, without satellite images. With method of your own doing, one you might have devised without others' faulty truth.
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - blue42 - 12-29-2014
"Understand this - those dark ages people were not in wrong saying Earth is flat."
its what gave them safety and guidance. strange thing humans.
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Mystic Pymp - 12-29-2014
(12-29-2014, 01:35 PM)blue42 Wrote: "Understand this - those dark ages people were not in wrong saying Earth is flat."
its what gave them safety and guidance. strange thing humans.
It gave them neither. Truth wasn't scary, it's not some kind of Lovecraft's hidden lore. Truth was unnecessary for them. They knew better by seeing with their own eyes and reasoning on their own, not believing some Greek nerds. They'd rather be rebellious alphas not told what to think to listen to old guys in togas than people humbly standing on the shoulders of giants in quest for ultimate truth.
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - blue42 - 12-29-2014
A little rebellion is okay, its not okay when someone steps in to tell you how to talk to your own flesh and blood family.
I dont have to be an alpha male, beta or omega or any of these "competitive terms". Let the fates and destinies that brought me here not be the ones that define my character in the past, the present or my future.
I do want to always do my best to be polite though.
The only thing I have to and must and can only be is someone that follows there own plan rather than leading others to it first.
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Leo1990 - 12-29-2014
:angel: Day 4:
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
'Cause there's too many places
I've got to see
But, if I stayed here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird, you can not change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I cant change
Bye, bye, baby it's been a sweet love
Yeah, yeah
Though this feeling I can't change
But please don't take it so badly
'Cause the Lord knows
I'm to blame
But, if I stayed here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird, you'll can not change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And this bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can't change
Lord help me, I can't change
Lord I can't change
Won't you fly high, free bird, yeah?
*** As I was driving to work, this song came on. Free Bird- Lynyrd Skynyrd
Ended up singing the whole song. It was liberating while tears came from my eyes. Im as free as a bird now. And this bird you cannot change.
***
Had an interesting dream about my stepfather and me trying to escape something. Later it changed into a video game type setting, where I was aggro-ing everything and everyone around me. They were chasing me.
total hours since yesterday: 11.5
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Mystic Pymp - 12-29-2014
You just made me listen to K-DST radio from San Andreas, congratulations!
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Leo1990 - 12-30-2014
Day 5 of 192:
Havent been listening this morning (approx 1-3hrs) because headphones keep falling off.
Damn speakers suck, they emit some noise with the ultras and I can hear some sort of static with the masked. Meh.
Was listening most of this day though since its my day off. Probably got in 5 hrs so far?
Going to try my Mini-Jambox to play the masked from now on at bedtime.
*****
Weird dream that I seem to have occasionally (even before subs):
Our would has been attacked by aliens (using ships that look like huge dinosaurs- that shoot lasers out their eyes) and zombies.
Im the main character of a elite task-group thats fighting them. Theirs like a fairly large group. Lots of tanks, fighter aircraft etc.
We go all in and either I get separated or everyone but me is destroyed.
I go around in my Abrams tank (Im the main cannon gunner) and I just shoot everything.
Then I happened to go into first person mode and fight a zombie 1 on 1.
(Reminds me of a friend I used to play zombies with, but I moved away so I don't play anymore. Had alot of fun times- but he was also an asshole too- got alot more women than I did- he believes himself to be a very sexy guy- so that definitely helps alot).
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Dee - 12-30-2014
I swear Shannon can sell this product as a" NightTime Entertainment Dream Stimulation" HighTechAudio. The dreams are just insane, if nothing else it has to get a thumps up for them.
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Leo1990 - 12-30-2014
I know haha.
Im still thinking about the definition of a Real Man, as your last post stated above.
I do not have an answer I feel. I think I should just roll with whatever happens.
By the way per the instructions....
I calibrated my desktop speakers at 100% Windows media player and about 20% of max on speakers. I get about -27db at source (on one of the speakers Left and Right) and almost -40db on center speakers.
Where I sit it is approx -50 to -40db.
Is this good enough?
What should the -db be at at your ears?
*****
I noticed also that I no longer get depressed when I see a hottie. I feel much better. Honestly though. I kinda made myself feel depressed. I would dig up those emotions and marinate in them... pretty sucky!
Im as free as a bird now. And this bird you cannot change.
RE: Finding the light at the end of the tunnel- my am6 journey. - Leo1990 - 12-30-2014
Just been given some good advice:
"Its what you tell yourself that determines your success."